Hello there, I’m Heidi. I’m 17 years old but I’m no longer alive. I was 16 years old when I died. It’s been a year since I’ve breathed the earthly oxygen. The air up here is so much fresher than down there. It’s quite unbelievable. If you listen closely, I’ll happily tell you my story even though it’s not very happy. If you're emotional, please take a moment to make sure there's a box of tissues handy, because by the time I reach the end, you might need some. I’m just letting you know. It’s not a happy ending. Anyways, have you ever fallen in love? Not the kind of love that you confused with the real kind. I’m talking about true, heart pumping love. The kind where you'll do absolutely anything for, anything in the world. Even if it kills you. The kind that if it starts slipping away, you'll do whatever it takes to hold it together. You’re probably asking yourself, "16 and in love?" Yea. Well, here is my story.
It all started with the day Sammy’s dad got a new job out of state. We lived in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for as long as I could remember and her dad's new job was all the way over in Long Beach, California. "This can’t be happening," I thought to myself. "How will I survive without Sammy? She’s literally my life, the air I simply breathe every day. She’s the only person I fully trust with my whole heart. She’s the only person in my life worth talking to. She’s so incredibly sweet, the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. She doesn’t judge, she doesn’t cause any trouble, she’s real down to earth, well put together, and smart. Everything." It seemed too perfect, almost dream-like. You know, the dream that you never want to wake up from. Well, there I was living it and I didn’t ever want to wake up.
People use to call me "The Dreamer" because I was always in a great mood. I was always smiling and taking big risks. I only took those risks if I absolutely thought it was worth it. Which most of the time I thought it was. In my opinion, I thought I was too positive but not cocky. I was definitely not cocky at all. I was simply positive and cheerful and constantly trying to cheer everyone else up. Especially Sammy, I secretly thought that I had super powers. I somehow summoned a power deep within myself that could make real smiles appear on people’s faces. Real smiles! The ones that create a bundle of energy instead of taking it away. You know, fake smiles, they are forced as a result of wasted energy. The only thing better than real smiles are real laughs. My energy comes from laughs and smiles from other people. When I created laughter and smiles, my energy level would rise to the top of the meter and I would be confident about everything. I would feel indestructible, and nothing could ever hurt me. So I thought.
When Sammy and I said our goodbyes that day, I surely didn’t want that to be the end. I didn’t want that moment to be the last. So I promised her that I would look for her in the future and we could get back together. We’d keep in touch everyday with texts, calls, and the internet. She got on the plane and that was that. I didn’t cry. She didn’t cry. Until our backs were toward each other, then I couldn’t hold it. We knew we’d see each other again and we were sure of it. She knew I had a plan up my sleeve and that I was going to make sure everything was going to be alright. Trust, number one thing in a relationship.
The next day I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t put up with the empty feeling anymore. She wasn’t physically here. I missed seeing her face, her smile, and her eyes. I missed her laughter and her hugs the most. My energy was dying. So I thought up a scheme and I was going to follow through with it. I called her up and told her that I was coming to see her. Soon.
I searched all my drawers and pockets for all my money. I was going to have to be able to afford a one-way plane ticket and maybe a hotel if Sammy's parents wouldn't let me stay with them. I wanted to plan for the worst just in case. I wouldn't want to show up with no money and assume they'd let me live with them. What if they wouldn't, then I'd be *******. So after a while of looking around, I came up with 510 dollars. Enough for a plane ticket and a cheap hotel for a few days. I’ll have to find a job for sure. But first, I'd have to go online and find the cheapest airline to use.
I picked out a few sets of clothes and fit them into a single bag. I didn’t want anything slowing me down. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving or where I was going. Besides Steve, my neighbor, I got him to drop me off at the airport. We waited in line to buy a ticket to the first flight to California. Fortunately, the soonest one was in a few hours and there was still a few seats left. He walked me to the security check and then they wouldn't let him past without a ticket, so he wrapped his arms around me gave me a tight squeeze and he told me that he'd miss me an awful lot and if I ever needed any help to just call him and he would help out as best he could. Which made me feel a ton more relaxed. He had tears in his eyes when we separated. I remembered saying, "I’ll text you when I get there." I assured him that I would be just fine and he had nothing to worry about. I also thanked him for being such a great friend. He really was and always will be. He stood there as I attempted to walk away, but then I turned and had to go back for another hug. Then I was sure I was ready to go. The second attempt to walk away was more successful than the first. I felt him watch me the whole way till I turned the corner, out of his sight.
I sat in the terminal for a long time, analyzing the room. I remember that there was a cute little blonde girl with her dad, a guy with a mysterious black hat and matching trench coat, a tall thin girl with a guitar, an average looking group of 20 year old guys and a few old women. Those were the only people that stood out, there was many more but I don’t particularly remember them. After a while, they started calling seat numbers that were allowed to board, starting with the back. My ticket said that I was seat number 22. When they called 20 through 30, I got up and found my seat in the big jet. The butterflies in my tummy are as hyper as possible. I imagined myself with a butterfly net trying to capture all the fluttering creatures inside me so I could release them on the outside. They were all crammed in there, fighting each other for space, and it was an unbalanced feeling. I put my bag under my seat, sat down in seat 22 and decided to make a quick call to Sammy. I told her I was on my way and I should be there in a few hours. She sounded extraordinarily excited which made my heart pound. She made the violent butterflies stop their fighting. She also told me that her parents agreed to pick me up at the airport. How nice of them! Then a lady told me to get off the phone. I thought it was rude of her to say that to me, but I don’t like making people mad, so I listened to her. The thing I remember the most is when I told Sammy that I love her, with honesty in her voice she said it back. Then I hung up and then I finally turn my phone off. As soon as everyone was in and completely ready, a woman’s voice spoke on the income system. She said something about there being flight attendants going around checking everyone’s bags and seatbelts to make sure they're secure. There was the sound of my pulse in my ears and it was louder than anything else. It was difficult to catch everything she was saying. I buckled my seat belt but I left a lot of room for movement. Before I knew it, we were up in the air. Then I closed my eyes and that’s all I remember. Don’t ask me how I fell asleep. All the excitement must've made me exhausted.
The next thing I know, all of a sudden, I was thrown from my seat and I hit my head off the window and it sent sharp shooting pains through my nerves. Everyone gasped at the same exact moment, and I had no idea what was going on. I don’t think anyone did but I think we all knew it wasn’t good. The feeling was like standing in an elevator, having the cables snap, and being dropped from 100 stories high. Only it was a million times worse. I was being thrown around everywhere. I couldn't hold on or even fight back. Everyone was in mad panic trying to grasp anything near to sturdy themselves. I managed to get a glimpse out the window to see the clouds shaking. That told me that the plane wasn’t working right. Something absolutely horrible was going to happen, the feeling was so strong. I heard a loud click and then a thud and I caught a glance of the little blonde girl across the aisle from me get hit in the face with a huge metal suite case. It hit her so hard that it knocked her clear out of this world. She fell limp and her head lay still on the floor, blood oozing out. The puddle started streaking toward me, it told me that the plane was tilting or rolling over. I noticed that her dad wasn’t around. I stumbled across the aisle and held her in my arms. I remember my vision being really blurry probably from tears or the plane shaking, or both. I patted her cheeks to try and wake her, but she was out. I held her tight and quickly took the time to look around for help but then realized there was no help. Every ounce of calmness was clearly gone. I set the girl in the seat and buckled her in. I wasn’t sure if that would do anything but it seemed like a good idea. The plane stayed tilted on its side then shook and it literally felt like an earth quake. My stomach started twisting; the nose of the plane was dipping forward. I took another look out the window. My head was spinning, thoughts scattered everywhere. Everything was moving way too fast and I couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t concentrate or focus on anything. I stood up and that was it. After that, everything went black and then a bright white light took over. Eventually something happened and I was floating above looking down. It was a horrid sight, everything so lifeless and dead, unmoving. Besides for the flames, they were more alive than anything. Smashed metal, sparks and fire, soundless noise, and in the middle of nowhere, what was going to happen to all these bodies?
Later, I somehow channeled my sight into a different location. It’s been hours later and I saw Sammy and her parents in the airport. They were anxiously waiting for my plane to arrive. Little did they know, I wasn’t coming. Hours and hours passed only making them more and more worried and confused. I felt horrible. I wish I could send them a message from up here. They went to look at the departure and arrival screen and there was no time recorded on the screen for the flight they were looking for. It was completely wiped off the board. Her dad led them to the main desk to ask the man behind the counter if the plane had arrived yet. A sorrowful look fell upon the man’s face. He blinked away tears and you could tell he was searching for the right words to say. He started to open his mouth but then failed to force words out. He swallowed a gulp of air and he shook his head. Something turned all their attention to the 40 inch flat screen on the wall where there was a lady reporting “heart breaking news” about a tragic accident. He pointed Sammy’s attention to the television behind him, although she was already deeply fascinated. The news reporter explained and then there were live videos being shown from a chopper that was looking down at the accident. Sammy cupped her hands over her mouth. Tears immediately leaked down her face. Her parents were crying too. Sammy collapsed to her knees. I felt like I was standing right there watching everything but I couldn’t feel my feet. I floated over to Sammy who was sitting on the floor with her face buried in her hands. Her mom knelt next to her with her arms braced around her. I waved my arms and shouted, "Look I’m right here! Please stop crying." But no one saw me or heard me. I went over to Sammy and tried to grab her face to make her look at me, but I couldn’t feel anything. I looked down at my hands and they were transparent. I panicked and I knew this couldn’t be happening. But it was. I was dead.
I channeled into another location, my house. My parents were watching the same news channel but they didn’t know I was on that plane. They didn’t know I was missing. They didn’t know I was dead until weeks later. When I didn’t come home that night, they called the cops and sent out search parties. Whelp, they found me. They identified my body in the plane. My parents didn’t believe it because they had no idea how I would've got on the plane in the first place. Then when they brought my body back to bury it, it was proof to them that it was fact me. I absolutely hated watching everyone cry. I hated that I couldn’t do anything about it. Everyone that I left was left in silence. I at least got to tell Sammy that I love her. I got a last hug out of Steve. Those were the most important people in my life. I couldn’t feel worse at this moment.
I felt like I was doing the right thing, chasing my dreams.
The dreamer thought she could fly.