If I had known before I'd decided to take on this task, into this labyrinth of a living hell, how it would have broken my heart.
Would I have attempted to?
It was too much for any soul to go through such pain and torment. The sages of the ages have forewarned, it is not for the faint hearted. So many different strands, layers and knots to work through.
I didn't even know where to start. I looked within as far as I could, to see how I ended up in this tangled web of confusion.
I set about the work of separating, to untangle the different layers, down to the very root, to the core, the beginning.
The dark night of the soul took me on a journey, one I had created by my own stupidity and utter ignorance. I couldn't yet see the true cause for my sin for the light was dim. There was still a long way to go to the centre.
And it wasn't easy.
Friends and family couldn't understand how important it was for me to work through the tension. My body soul and mind, torn asunder by the pressure I was under. There was no rest, no relief. A labour of love was my reason. At all costs I had to undo these awful unruly knots, to undo the damage done, to return to the original splender. I had created this unforgiving state where I now found myself. Not being aware of the difficulty I had gotten myself into.
It felt like treason.
Patience was the prerequisite to the success of this operation. Layer by unending layers it became easier. Loosening out the knots with gentle care, a prayer, a desire to be; amidst all this work and frustration. To bring to an end this living nightmare of hell, suffering and endurance.
I knew it was hard for others to understand. Nothing could take me away from all these strands. To get back to where all the trouble started. Somehow a gentle peace entered, a stirring of gratitude, love and acceptence.
Finally, and gratefully, I held the whole ball of beautiful soft green wool unblemished, in my hand, now back to its original beauty
Im knitting for my grandchildren and one of the balls of wool got so tangled, it ended up a living nightmare. I could have just left it, but somehow I felt the need to undo the tangles. It took me three days to work through. there were strands of wool stretched all over my kitchen . It's very rewarding to not give in, to persevere . Well I'm a bit like that you see.
So I took the start of the wool from the centre of the ball but made a huge mess of it.
Thank you for reading.