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Bella Jul 2018
Sometimes I get stuck in this state of Darkness
where my eyes can see
but it's like my head is just pitch black
and I almost wish I couldn't see anything,
like I wish I could just curl myself into a ball so tightly that I disappear from space for a while

sometimes I get stuck in this space
and I feel like my tears and my thoughts
are climbing up my esophagus and clogging my throat
blocking my airway
suffocating me from the inside

maybe I never told you I was depressed because who wants to relive that moment
that choking hazard moment of cotton ***** in my throat

maybe I never told you I was depressed because there are no words I can use to describe it that don't transform themselves into their meanings
that don't take over my mind
crawl through my head like little worms
eating away at my brain
my thoughts
my skin

have you ever thought of a traumatic experience and then felt those events happening again
felt the dark hole of life-threatening-trauma attack your mind
Shiver through your body
like it was a demon you let in through a memory-
through a word

maybe I didn't tell you I was depressed
because I wasn't strong enough
my depression fills me to the brim
fills my head and my chest
my arms and my fingers
I can feel it moving through my body
I can feel it expanding and engulfing everything inside of me
every last vein, nerve, *****, and tissue
how can you expect me to have the energy to fight
how can you expect me to have the energy to pick up the phone
to open my mouth
how can you expect me to have energy-to have the courage to utter the words of how I feel
I feel so worthless
in those moments I feel like there's this black whole inside me and it's consuming everything
it's taking everything but my skin
and it disgusts me

can you imagine the feeling,
having something so utterly repulsive on your skin you had to scrape it off immediately
It felt like you needed to be cleansed
like you needed a shower
take that feeling
now imagine it being under your skin
imagine, every muscle ***** vein nerve every cell in your body underneath your epidermis disgusts you
imagine all you wanted to do was to
GET
IT
OFF
and you can't
no matter how hard you try
you can't scrape it off
you can't claw It off

imagine you're scared of spiders
now imagine you're covered in spiders
and someone's holding down your arms
so you can't get them off
imagine them walking on your skin
in your mouth
crawling on your open eyes
in your ears
you're cringing at your own skin
You can feel them going down your throat
Their disgusting tickle in the pit of your stomach
in every crevice of your body
their tunneling under your skin
and you can't get them off
what are you supposed to do
but cry
My best friend's mom who doesn't believe in depression asked why I never told her I was depressed...
Cné Aug 2015
Lairs twist life so it's tasty to the lazy
Powerful to the weak and crazy

Brilliant and seductive to the
ignorant youth
But even in pain, there is beauty in the truth

Even a tiny bit of deceit is dishonorable
For only cowards lie selfishly without preamble

As lies only strengthen a liar's defects
A liar's character, mind, & spirit gains no positive affects

The abuser of the truth paints with disappearing colors
Valuing the canvass at worthless dollars

For once the veil of the facade is lifted
Honesty, integrity and trust can never be re-gifted.

Unhappy are the takers
Or why else be fakers?

But to devastate the essence of the believer
Measures the cruelty of the deceiver

Inner peace with self deception
Is the doing of one's own soul's destruction

However if truth be told
When lies gradually unfold,

Is it better to be the believer
Or the deceiver?
Pooja Basnett Aug 2018
Its been a long winding road,
I have traveled with my eyes closed,
It feels like t'was yesterday,
I feared the highs and the lows.

I was blind but now I see,
This was just some song,
until you came along.

I was naive, I trusted you,
Maybe it was all I ever knew.
Lies don't hurt,
its your truth that tears it all apart.

I once read about the sheep in wolf's clothing,
After all that you have put me through,
I can't help but think,
why is the wolf still breathing?

The day will come when I will walk away,
I will have all the love that I have earned along the way,

You will try to fill the void
Oh! you will try in vain,
May the Lord show you mercy,
When the absolute darkness sets in.
Nicole Sep 2015
If I told you I could hear your thoughts,
would you close your eyes, explore, get lost?
If I told you I could feel your grief,
would you take my hand, deny, believe?
If I told you I could see your pain,
would you hold me close, dismiss, refrain?
If I told you I could love you so,
would you let me go?
© Nicole ***
londin Nov 2013
I admired your mind, and how every word you spoke was similar to a bunch of wires tangling together, weaving into a ball that I was trying to unjumble but I found that they were only getting knotted up in my wire ball of thoughts and feelings to the point in where our minds became one massive mess of thought rolling high speed toward my chest, ready to pummel everything I am said to be worth, I could feel my heart being rolled out thin like dough by this gigantic ball we created. My trembling stopped and you pointed out a shooting star.
November 23, 2013.
nosipho khanyile Jul 2018
when you get to know me,
you enter a galaxy
with endless

affectionate interludes,
ecstasy & dreams,
desires.

but beware of the black holes
that hold my demons.
don't be scared when they
when they welcome you with
anxiety and aggression.

because they're not real
Amina Yakubu Jan 2013
May no one ever come to see you
without going away better and happier.
How perfect day have you lived
even though you have earn all your money?
your day would be a perfect day,when you have
done something not great enough,but something for someone
who will never be able to repay you.
This is what i was told.
kyle dionysus Sep 2017
She told me: "You always get women. They forever chasing you. And I'll be dammed if I said you don't come across as a player, a 'Casanova', using your charms and words. But I know that is started with you looking for the 'one', the one girl you hoped existed. A girl you could be yourself with, a girl to fall Inlove with. But I can see that as time moved on, you began to give up on the 'one', thinking you wouldn't find her. But I know when you saw me. And when we spoke for the first time. You began to feel hope again...that I was the 'one' you have always been looking for."
Carter Ginter Jun 2018
The scary thing is
You could be enough for me
The intensity of these feelings
And our insane connection
Might be enough alone
But I'm afraid to give you all of me
The way things were at the beginning was enough for me to be monogamous. I'm happy I never told you that because things changed and my needs were no longer met. But I wrote this in January.
Long were the days when she told him
"i will love you till my last breath"
Josiah Archuleta Mar 2018
There's an evil feeling, ready to attack
My body's shaking, theres no turning back
Don't blame me, my world is turning black
Your in my head
Your in my heart
You were told to run away
Turn your back, I feel the pain
I was told to stay away
Those two words I can't obey
My heart is shredding as we say goodbye
I've been left crying and screaming your name
They keep telling me to stay away
You can't leave, I feel the pain
Nyx Aug 2018

You told me
Take my hand
Close my eyes and jump
Taking a leap of pure faith
Landing with a gentle thump

You told me
I'll teach you how to fly
Soaring high above the clouds
Far away from this little town
To a place you can stand proud

You told me
I will love you forever
Building a life of just us two
A fabricated lie so sweet
But from the beginning I always knew

You told me
Trust in me
I would never betray you
Oh how I wish those words were true
I held such hope but you never seemed to come through

You told me
I will give you the world
Every single piece of you too
But clearly the world you speak of
Is a creation of pure taboo

You promised me
So very many things
But all I ever wanted
Was to spread my own wings

I wanted to fly
With you by my side
Just as you promised
But its okay that you lied

You gave me hope
Where all seemed dim
You were my light
No matter how grim

And so I told you
Goodbye my friend
Through a roaring storm
Casting away the skies
This is where our tragic love
Dies.
madyson shaye Mar 2014
I am outside a high school party with a cigarette in my hand and my sweater trailing on the ground. I belong to the night; to the teenage desperation you find right through the front door inside every single one of those boys and girls eyes. It is dark outside but I can make out everyone's faces simply by the light of cigarettes. I close my eyes for a second and inhale. I can barely make out the silhouette of the person I wish was in front of me. My eyes open. You are not here. To my left there's an alley and a short boy is throwing up the 22 shots that are tallied on his forearm. His best friend is video taping it. I don't think I'm really here. Is this the alcohol speaking? I didn't feel this attached to you 3 hours ago. My mother thinks I am at work. I don't feel bad at all. After everything I have done, lying is simple. I've become accustomed to being a lie. A boy is trying to get two girls to make out and that offends me. I'm not here. I'm not anywhere. I'm with you. I matter to you. I matter to someone. I am something.
I open my eyes.
A guy is handing me a beer, so I take it. I should be going home but that girl looks like you. There are four boys to my right free styling. One of them is actually really good. I try to weave through the people to find a familiar face. I find one, and he's handing me a bottle. I don't know what it is, but I drink. It burns.
I'm outside again sitting on the curb. The streetlight that shines above me is a dark shade of yellow that glows off every wall. It reminds me of the night. The moon is looking at me with an intensity I've never seen before. I have a text from you on my phone but I don't want to open it. I don't want to be able to feel this much. I go to find the bottle again.
I'm laughing a lot now. I found the bottle. The familiar face is laughing too. Her boyfriend broke her heart last week.
Your silhouette is standing in the corner. It's beckoning me. I open your text:
do you need something?
I close your text. I close my phone and my eyes and my arms and my heart and I throw my empty beer can at that silhouette of yours.
I'm outside again. Familiar face is going to take me home.
The cigarette is glowing orange and I'm dancing to her car.
You don't love me. I don't care.
zoie marie lynn Jan 2018
i told my therapist about you,
while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body.
i showed her the places we had been,
and all the things we had seen.
i told her what lies underneath that pretty
                                              pretty
skin of yours,
and i told her how i knew.
i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard,
i told her about the   first     night
and the      second
and the   fourth
and that time in the closet.
i told her everything,
i really just wanted to   get
                                                  you
                                      out  
of my brain,
it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain.
because you've  moved   on  so why can't i?
i told my therapist about you,
but i still can't tell you
                                           goodbye.  
i know i'm  s t u p i d,
for holding on this l
                               o
                                n
                             ­    g,
i know it's useless,
for wishing you weren't                              gone.
but my words carry on like a heartbeat
s     l      o      w
steady
                          fast
u   s   e   d
  n    t   a   y
i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and
i told my therapist about you.
i think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something that great will never ever happen twice

****
i was in so much pain when i wrote this, my lover had just left with two years of my life and i felt so so so alone. i chewed through therapists constantly, they left me behind because i was too broken to fix. i hated them all. but there was this one, this one singular human being that listened to me. she didn't flinch, she didn't look at me like i was a broken puppy left for death. she just listened. i was all over the place, but i managed to lay out my entire mind for her to dissect. and she did. she helped me so so much, and i could never repay her enough for how she has helped me. when i got home, i wrote the basics of this. it was like 12:30 when i wrote it and i couldn't sleep the next night so i decided to make this look exactly how i felt when i wrote it the night before. how my lover made me feel for so long. so i did. i was crying mountains, i was hyperventilating, i threw my phone through the wall. i put all my anger, blood, tears in each letter, each space. i put it all in there and then posted it a couple weeks later. i didn't show anyone. i just put it out there, hoping my lover would see it. but it didn't even matter cause when i woke up, the whole world saw it instead. thank you. i love you all.
Meher Aug 30
I may not have told you
How much I love you
But my every poem
Every story
Every letter
My every word
Bleeds the love I have for you
Daisy Jul 24
"Would you just stop pretending please!
Cause you have a little too much money to be so young and that sad"
No one should be told that (that's kinda my whole point.)
MindlessSelf Dec 2018
People once told me darling don't fall in love it will just make it worse

The love that makes you feel all kinds of unusual emotions at first

It creeps in your body making you feel like a kid getting a toy

But when the toy falls it shatters to pieces making you feel empty

what was once happiness turned into destruction of a simple mis-communication

People once told me darling don't fall in love it will just make it worse

The worse I have experienced in love I have been it and seen it

But the happiness I felt in it made everything else seem so different
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