true death and restless spirits
i remember all of their names
like they were mine
and the charity of cold
in a sea of salt
kicked down the cemetery gate
and kissed the ground
forgive me now
for the pain i caused
that night, canis minor wept
and all was dust
on the acropolis of troy
i am the one
who fell from dark
into an even greater void
"Do what I say no matter the cost"
I am what they want me to be
My feelings are numb
My soul is lost
It's fine if I'm not whole
All they need is my body
My bones cry out
My skins is a sheet covering the holes
I have little energy to even breathe
I cry till my lungs have no air
I stuff my face in a pillow
My jaw aches while I clench my teeth
All the oxygen in the room leaves
Dark thoughts swarm my head
Depression holds me while I heave
I could just die
I feel worthless, I am nothing
I watch as everyone leaves
I don't know how long I can do this
Got to get away
Its not like I'll be missed
No one around me cares
I'm a breathing corpse
I guess its true
Life's not fair
As a child,
you watched me,
You held a mirror before my face
ten times a night,
to see if fog appeared there.
You stroked my hair
and sang soft songs.
With your lullabies,
my sleep was always long.
Now it is I
checking your breath
ten times a night.
Your pulse so shallow,
it'll vanish any second.
I had not told you of this, not yet,
Until now, when it returns clearly,
Within the timelessness of interior life.
A month to the day and the memory,
Abides in its own identity, being itself.
Into this now familiar unboundedness
Came a new and exquisite presence,
A force field tenderly embracing me -
Just along the edges of my seated form.
Unmistakably you. A quiet certainty.
How could I know? But I knew.
As it dissolved, a light of the palest green,
Took its place, glowing a blessing.
Breathing became the intake of bliss
made into the finest substance, and
I was renewed, visited, complete.
©Elisa Maria Argiro
Spilt upon the breathing tide
The shadows of our former pride
Stained with gilded, rusty gore
Songs upon the breeze still scream
From barren bog and skylit sea
Once were sung but nevermore
Clouds cry crimson in the lake
The moons and stars the sky forsakes
As darkness falls on ****** shores
the ocean is a
teardrop repeating itself,
lessons in breathing
When I fell in love for the first time
She became my world
But more than that she become a part of me
She was my lungs
She kept me breathing
And cut my air supply as she pleased
And when we broke up I couldn't breathe
I gasped for air on my own for the first time in forever
But nothing came
Clawing at my chest as the pain grew stronger
Begging for air to return
But she was gone
and I felt suffocated for years
Slowly I learned to breathe on my own again
Forcing the air into my body
Often against the wishes of my newly independent *****
When my new love came along
I still struggled at times but I knew I could never trust another with that kind of power ever again
So when it feels as though I do not love her as much as the first
I have to remind myself that although she helps me breathe easy
I've never let myself rely on her so severely as my first
I could never make that mistake again
Because I know that losing a part of me again
Will take all the strength I have left
And none will remain to live
I awoke in the night and felt your back against mine
Was this some sort of sign, some distance I couldn't explain?
Or was this a self-perceived storm in the making
constructed from nothing that was real?
The darkness took comfort in those nights we spent
back to back
Ticking, ticking, ticking-
Searching for an outlet, even forging one out of our lack
of subconscious physical attachment, trying to
create a wedge
The wedge served as an object that would separate
my vulnerability from reality
Creaking across my temples and finding solitude in
the destruction of everything I held dear,
As time went on, naturally that wedge became an abyss
and every night I fell hundreds of feet over and-
over again- until my heart shrank into a thread.
The feeling of uncontrollable anxious behaviors
began to manifest in my chest
There it remained-
digging around to find its home, once more
In my adolescent insecure tendencies
home according to google is
“the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.”
versatile, sometimes strange.
according to me, you’re home.
a house it’s like a body.
and every house, like the body, has a heart.
home, for me, doesn’t have white walls waiting for new wallpapers that match nowadays trends.
home has a beating heart that feeds on stars and moondust.
home has two soft arms i urgently long for like they’re the only two things on this world ever capable of grasping me, sinking me in.
home has lips of an angel, who whisper my name on the breeze of the night.
home has two eyes, two utterly divergent eyes that merge into the sky above my head and make me dream about them.
my home is not a house.
my home breathes.
ghostly kisses . spellbound
A child cries over
a hard candy fallen
from his mouth,
little black suit,
a heads length over his chair.
He doesn’t mourn
Like his mother.
Why should he?
The world is chaos.
He cries therefore
he doesn’t understand
the dead are only
White steam from green tea
Old school rap echoing across the walls
I ordered my own food and drink
What I wanted instead of a rushed decision
I feel free
Starting conversations with strangers
Holding good ones with my partner's partner
Raising my hand in class and
Actually sharing my opinion
Without the fear of judgement
Holding me back at all
If love is like breathing
Would it feel like I'm dreaming?
Love is a breath
Coveting my chest
A cool embrace
Morphs into a sudden death
If love is like breathing
I don’t know what comes next.
You were the crisp fresh air I breathed in
Awakening my soul
Clean and bearing no weight
I effortlessly inhaled you
Taking you in
Embracing you and everything about you
Chilled by your presence
Sending goosebumps down my spine
You were the opening of my eyes
But at the same time
You were the foggy air I breathed in
Suppressing my soul
Foul with a hefty weight
Choking as i tried to force you out
Slowly extinguishing me
Avoiding you and everything about you
Sickened by your presence
Forcing me to stop breathing
You are the sludge coating my lungs
Making me want to never breathe again
A huge weight pushes
me down to the ground.
A huge burden chained
me around the wrist.
I torture with every inhale,
It's harder and harder to breathe
with every exhale.
Whilst the world wilts,
River stills in between,
Winds are hurrying
The seasons are changing.
And we throw another plastic bag
We suffocate our lifestyle
Killing our species in style
Make it harder to breathe.
I look and my brain is swelling
I listen and my ears are bleeding
Looking at the dark cornors
Listening to the white noise
Makes a gray world
Awake to a standing pause
Before the wheel turns again
Beans break the seal
The fresh start of a new day
Slowly grinding into movement
This disturbance is accepted
Its purpose is measured
Against the quiet peace
Deep berry-breathing oils the wheel
Pale orange rays soothe the stiffness
While milled dewdrops drip comfort
Share a moment with an old friend
No words needed
Just a pause between turns
© 2019 MJL
I love the quiet coffee time early, before the day begins. Either alone with with my love, just a pause before the new day begins. Time for introspection.
Short breathes, forced.
I feel as if I can’t breathe.
It shouldn’t be so hard,
Yet it is.
Laboring my breathing has taken up my mind,
waking its once sleeping state.
I open up my lungs only to get hit with regret as soon as they open.
Fighting a battle with myself is hard,
Especially when you are losing.
O terrible world, why am i being punished?
inhale and exhale
yet i still am not breathing
When I close my eyes,
I'm in my own space.
My breath... is
of ocean weaves.
of all stress
There is more to living
Than just a breath
Or a heartbeat being
Just as there is more to swimming
Than the ocean
And the pools filled with meaning
There is always more
I love it when my mind turns off. When my thoughts are no longer thinking and I can finally find myself, simply being, in the words. You know? That peaceful rest where your eyes are full and your mind is quiet with thought?
It's like the settling of the sea after a cup of wavy caffeine. Awake, alert, alive, but free. One with the simple truth of being. I am, though I will not be forever. And THAT is OK with me.
At peace and loving it.
A face of my dreams, came to life today
Her resemblance caught the deepest edges of my thoughts
As If , a Picasso’s canvas walk from my old wall
People try to understand
But how are you supposed to understand what it's like to drown if you've never put your head under water?
That wasn't a rhetorical question
Stop trying to help me