I wish I could break
Shatter into a million pieces
Of sharded glass, waiting to be stepped on.
Causing you to bleed wouldn't hurt me
Because I would already be broken.
This universe doesn't give a damn
Whether we're moving
Or camping out on life's sidelines.
The doers, in the end
Meet the same fate as the dreamers.
I want you to break me.
Work me until I fall apart
Until I can't take it anymore.
At least then
I will overdose on my need for perfection
Before I die of it.
You can take my needle from me
Before my heart stops beating.
Before it turns my blue vein black.
Then maybe I can stop craving
Everything that hopes to kill me off.
god, just fill me
fill me with your love
fill me with yourself
fill me with anything thats not what i feel now
i know im selfish
im hoping you’re sad
hoping you’re distraught even
i hope you’ve cried
i hope you’ve mourned the things we never did
god what’s the point
i hope you’re as sad as i am
i hope i hope
i wish i wish
i wish tuesday never happened
the part where everything stopped
the part where the red string was cut
oh god, and writing this
writing this, i remember
“soulmate”, you said
“soulmate”, after such a short time
well if i am your soulmate, as you lied said
things will be okay
we’ll get back
back from the nothing
the red string was never cut
it has a knot, it got tangled
like the movie you never saw
that red string that ties us together
red as your hair
that red string
if you were right
you probably weren’t
it is tangled, never broken, never cut, always there
haha writing this
writing this has given me some sense of fucked up optimism
three poems in one day, god, how pathetic
all because of some shit you said in the early hours of the morning, delirious
delirious on us, just as i was
“soulmate”, you said
I’ll hold on to that.
you say that it's all over.
you say that it's the end.
you say that it's finished.
you say lives cannot bend.
see that's your problem,
you only think that hearts can break.
but ive been around long enough,
to know that that's not the case.
for I have been beaten,
I have felt defeated.
I have fought and fought
for a reason.
And oh darling im gonna keep on fighting
I sat all morning in the college sick bay
Counting bells knelling classes to a close.
At two o'clock our neighbors drove me home.
In the porch I met my father crying--
He had always taken funerals in his stride--
And Big Jim Evans saying it was a hard blow.
The baby cooed and laughed and rocked the pram
When I came in, and I was embarrassed
By old men standing up to shake my hand
And tell me they were "sorry for my trouble,"
Whispers informed strangers I was the eldest,
Away at school, as my mother held my hand
In hers and coughed out angry tearless sighs.
At ten o'clock the ambulance arrived
With the corpse, stanched and bandaged by the nurses.
Next morning I went up into the room. Snowdrops
And candles soothed the bedside; I saw him
For the first time in six weeks. Paler now,
Wearing a poppy bruise on his left temple,
He lay in the four foot box as in his cot.
No gaudy scars, the bumper knocked him clear.
A four foot box, a foot for every year.
No matter what you will love them
They may tease you or even break your heart
But, you know nothing could tear you apart
He is your guy friend, maybe not your best
But, you know you rather have him than all the rest
They can tear you down
But you know they'll always help pick up the pieces
A friend you can count on
A friend you can trust
Having a guy friend is an absolute plus
Like ordering two mochas
Just to watch you make them
Forgetting your name five times
Before getting your phone number
Wiping chocolate off your shirt
Trying unsuccessfully to flirt my way
Out of spilling on you
Like finally having the guts to ask you out
Running to the coffee shop full speed
Just to find out it was your day off
Sulking my way through my third cup of tea
Cursing the fates for their insolence
Right until you walked in to cover someone else's shift
And running out too scared again
Little moments like those
Remind me why I fight through
Big times like these
Like driving over the mountains
To get to the first big storm
Just to be the first ones to kiss in the rain
After the summer sun chapped our lips so long
We forgot the taste of our kiss
Like the first time I took you out in heels
And you spent the whole night
Whispering to yourself about not falling
Right up until I fell twice
Down a flight of stairs
And for you
Like you running over to pick my head up
Off the concrete
Staring at me with this look
That made me want to ask you if you were okay
Like that remind me
That the big times like these
Are worth fighting for
That the big fights like these
Are worth ending
If only for the shot to have one more
A movie perfect scene in the snow
With snow ball fights, snow angels
And a snow man with coal for buttons
Eyes, mouth, sticks for arms and a scarf
But we didn't have a carrot
So you ran upstairs, broke off one of your heels
And called him Stalleto-face for a week
Burning three attempts at chicken cord en bleu
And begging the old woman on the phone
To put in one more order before they closed
And tipping $100 just to have the chance
To eat midnight fried rice on the living room floor
Because the table was full of
Foiled attempts at cooking
So dear to me
Remind me there is no fight too big
To give up little moments with you