While reading
A romance novel
Being inside the mind of a man
Listening to his thoughts
It makes me create my own
In wonder
Like
I wonder if any guy
Has ever thought of
Kissing my lips
Which he finds perfect
While he's stared at me

I wonder if any guy
Has ever thought of
What it would be like
To be my boyfriend
To be the only guy
In the world
That I could
Hold
Touch
Kiss
That I could trust
That I could love

I wonder if any guy
Has ever thought of me
Long after we've seen
Each other

I wonder if any guy
Has blatantly flirted with me
And grew frustrated
Because I didn't pick up on it

I wonder if any guy
Has found me intimidating
To the point
Where it makes them believe
That I'm out of their league

I wonder if any guy
Believed that I was
Beautiful
Perfect even
That I was the embodiment of everything
They craved for

I wonder if any guy
Made me the topic
Of endless conversations
He had
With his closest friends

I wonder if any guy
Believed that I made them a better person

I wonder if any guy
After briefly meeting me
Wanted to impress me
In order to feel worthy of me

I wonder if any guy
Became amused to the thought
Of how I had no clue on just how much I affected him
All while I was talking to him

I wonder if any guy
Wondered what it would feel like
To have our hands intertwined

I wonder if any guy
Wanted to pour out his heart to me
But thought that my small
Delicate hands
Wouldn't be able to contain
His unyielding proclamation

I wonder if any guy
Thinks that I'm the most perfect girl
They have ever met
And that whoever I end up with
Will be the "luckiest *******" in the world

I wonder if any guy
Spent hours
Over analyzing my response
Or actions
Hoping that they were more
Than just kindness

I wonder if any guy
Had an internal battle
About the words he spoke to me
Wondering if they were
Stupid or cheesy

I wonder if any guy
Has gotten nervous
Whenever I smiled or talked
To them

I wonder if any guy
Wished that I was his girl
That he could proudly proclaim
His
To the entire world
With bold confidence
In his actions and words

I wonder if any guy
Has ever been hyperaware of my
Every movement
Like you would with a huge crush
That's in the room

I wonder if any guy
Had to fight the strong urge
Of wrapping their arms
Around my body
In an all consuming embrace

I wonder if any guy
Snuck secret glances
In my direction
Without my knowledge
Just so he could admire me
From afar
Without me noticing

I wonder if any guy
Showed pictures of me
From social media
To his friends
To explain his infatuation

I wonder if any guy
Looked at me
And silently contemplated
If there was even a guy
On earth
Worthy enough
For me

I wonder if any guy
Wished he had the confidence
To go up me and strike a conversation
But felt too nervous to

I wonder if any guy
Has ever been
Overwhelmed or confused
By the unfamiliar emotions
That they receive
Whenever they see or think
About me

I wonder if any guy
Made me the muse
To an endless amount of romantic poems
That I'll never get to hear

I wonder if any guy
Misses the mundane conversations
That we would have
Because they meant
Everything
To him

I wonder if any guy
Daydreamed of interactions
Where I would fall
Madly in love with him
Because he felt more comfortable
In his imagination

I wonder if any guy
Has ever been turned on
By the brief
Contact of our bodies
Accidentally brushing against each other

I wonder if any guy
Was dying for me to just know his name
So he could be comforted with knowing
That I knew of him
So that when I saw him passing by
My face would light up with recognition
Instead of indifference

I wonder if any guy
Saw me in public
Didn't know me or my name
But hit his friends
Trying to get their attention
So that he could point me out
Because he found me beautiful

I wonder if any guy
Has ever purposely chosen an outfit
Hoping that it would catch my attention

I wonder if any guy
Purposely avoided me
Because he was too shy
To be near me

I wonder if any guy
Had dreams of me
That he wished would be
His reality

I wonder if any guy
Wanted to pursue me
But hesitated
Because he thought
That there was no way
I didn't already have a boyfriend

I wonder if any guy
Has ever been in awe
With everything that I've done
Just because it's me

I wonder if any guy
Decided not to ask me out
Because they thought
That they weren't good enough
For me

I wonder if any guy
Has looked at me
With eyes filled with unspoken love
But mine
Filled with so much innocence
Never truly saw theirs

I wonder if any guy
Admired my ****** features
As I spoke to him
Seconds before coming to to conclusion
That I was beautiful

I wonder if any guy's
Last thought
Before he went to bed
Was about me

I wonder if any guy
Was dying to tell me
That they were in love with me
But felt too scared to do so

I wonder what people think
Those that know
And don't know me
When they look at me

I wonder...

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You shed tears.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You curse out loud, give voice to your fears.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You think of all of the things you haven't done yet.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You ask Him if this is a safe bet.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You dream of the day you'll be free.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You just try to stay calm and breathe.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You're afraid of falling asleep.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You know what you want others to keep.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
There are people you want to forgive.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You wonder how long you're going to live.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You loathe what you can't control.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
No matter how many blankets you pile on, will you still feel cold?

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You remember your first kiss.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You understand you'll always be missed.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You struggle with regular tasks.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
Your face no longer resembles an emotionless mask.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You let your emotions show.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You think about the time you'll have to go.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You're satisfied with your life.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
Is there anything you'd be willing to sacrifice?

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You stare a yourself in the full length mirror.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You wonder when answers will become clearer.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You think of your loved ones.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You reminisce on hunting and guns.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
Your parents talk to you.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You just want to start anew.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You stay optimistic.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You let it all go and become ballistic.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You're tired of taking all the pills.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
You feel death's constant chill.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You read like you always have.
I wonder if behind closed doors,
This all makes you ****** mad.

I wonder if behind closed doors,
You fall to your knees and pray.
I know that behind closed doors,
We're all happy you're here today.

When you go, open my closed doors,
And please watch over me.
Because when I'm behind a closed door,
I'll be waiting for you to comfort me.

i wonder what they tell you about me..

as if they knew more about me than you did..

i wonder if they hate me..

i wonder what you tell them about me..

i wonder how you make me sound..look..

i wonder how you talk about me..

i wonder what you say..

i wonder how you paint me..

make me out to be..

i wonder if they convinced you to never let me in..

i wonder if they despise my soul..

i wonder if they convinced you to run the other way..

i wonder if they hate my heart..

i wonder if you do..

i wonder if they convinced you that i am a monster..

i wonder if you tell them i'm "just another borderline"..

i wonder if they want me out of your life..

i wonder if you do..

i wonder if they say i'm toxic, holding up your life..

i wonder if they say i'm an abuser, as if that's all i've ever been..

i wonder why you hate my boundaries, as if i should break them for you..

as if i should feel ashamed for having any..

i wonder if i have to cast aside my thoughts and values, just so you can be happy with me..

pretend i'm just like you, in every way, not different..

i wonder if i'll let you do what you want with me..just so you won't leave..

i wonder if i should remain silent, letting you take the lead..

no longer in sync, in step..just quietly trailing behind..

i wonder if my experience, thoughts, and emotions were ever really valid..

i wonder if they told you to ignore me..

i wonder if they told you to because it would be 'self-care'..

i wonder if they told you that it's kind to walk away the way you do..

i wonder if they told you it's cool to be cold to the one who wants your affection..

as if it would make me want you more..

i wonder if they encourage you to not think of me..

i wonder if they tell you to forget you ever met me..

i wonder if you agree..

i wonder how you feel..

i wonder if i will ever feel closer to knowing the truth..

I wonder I wonder I wonder
I wonder many things nowadays
I wonder if you miss me like I do
I wonder if you still care
I wonder if you ever think about me and just smile
I wonder if you share the same memories I have or was it just a dream I had alone
I wonder if you still blush when u hear my name or was it also just pretense
ι just ωση∂єя...

I wonder you still glow like I used to make you
I wonder if you ever think about what if things were different
I wonder if you ever regret the things we did
And I wonder if you are glad it happened
I just ωση∂єя...

I wonder if this was ever meant to be or if it was never
I wonder if this feeling is just temporary, just wonder if it will ever go away
I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way
I wonder if yours hurts like mine does, or is it true when they say hearts don't break even
It got me ωση∂єяιηg...

I wonder if you still have that rose scent on your neck from your favorite perfume
I wonder if you still have twinkle in your eye
I wonder if your skin is still as soft silk
I wonder if your heartbeat still matches mine whenever you lay on my chest
I just ωση∂єя

I wonder if I ever had the choice to do anything different, would I have?
I wonder what if we met in a different place under different circumstances
I wonder then, would you still love me like you used to?
I wonder then, would you let me tell the whole world that I'm yours and you're mine?

ι ωση∂єя...ι נυѕт ωση∂єя...

You wonder why I dwell in the dark,
You wonder why I never call back,
You wonder why I be a lost sane,
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again,

Evading the city flare,
Evading to the mellow lair,
Evading the caramelised routine,
Evading a contagious whine,

A thing of pity, years and hence,
A sweet  obsession, that only commence,
You wonder if I have lost every sense,
I wonder if I ever made any sense,

You wonder why I invest so much,
You wonder why I run on loss,
You wonder what became of us,
I wonder if it's fantasy or lust,

Come! Come! Sure let's reshape our maps,
What has been and maybe perhaps,
Swoosh! Whoosh! Be undone and done!
How awfully convenient, is it not, hon?!

Exuberant creatures they flatter me often,
Those lofty lot, enticing I find none,
Sure I shall allow an unbiased  trial!
Sheath the heart, her eyes a biased thrill!

Never mention my poached heart,
And we'll get along just fine, love,
And be forever entwined,
In that same old fairytale, concubine!

You wonder why I am a repugnant aristocrat,
You wonder why I am a narcissist in grave dearth,
You wonder why I am a deception to change,
I wonder how passionately I was never your gain...

Of course I am not an island of my own,
Of course I am but a mere fraction of the whole,
Oh! Tempting balms! they embrace me so,
Quite the way you wrapped me Cozy, long ago,

You wonder why I am stuck in a rut,
You wonder why I choose not to be smart,
You wonder why I wait without disgust,
I wonder where my rescue boat is lost….

You wonder why I let the years fly by,
You wonder why I live in the bygone and deny,
You wonder why I never forget your voice,
You wonder why I keep every memory alive,

I wonder if I'll ever see you again,
I wonder if it will all be the same.....

I’m writing this poem at 2:21 am on December 31st
Sunday night, or maybe you consider that a Monday morning
And a country song just came on the radio
And I couldn’t help but to think about how much I hate country music
I hate the stereotypical voice the singer always sings,
And the predictable pattern of strung guitar strings
So at 2:24 am, on December 31st, Sunday night/Monday morning…

I started to wonder if you liked country music
I started to wonder if you owned a pair of cowboy boots or believed boots were tacky
I wonder what your definition of “tacky” is
If “tacky” even exist in you vocabulary
I wondered where you get your vocabulary
Did your mom raise you to believe that words would be your greatest ally
Was she raised with more than one language
I wonder what your ancestor’s native language was
And if it was ripped out of their tongues from history books
What stories were told from those tongues that history could never tell
I wonder what kind of stories you’ve carved in lover’s mouths with just your tongue.
I wonder if you’ll ever paintings carved into your skin at tattoo parlors
If you’d get something tacky or a portrait of a loved one
I wondered if you’ve ever lost someone
I wonder if you’ve ever lost yourself
If you did, where did you find yourself?
Did you find yourself in your palms over bent knees
That kissed the ground that at one time kissed your feet.

I wonder when the next we’ll meet.
I wonder when I’ll meet your best friend. What stories she will tell me.
If she ever gets scared you’ll replace her with me
And if I’ll ever have to tell her she’s irreplaceable
I wonder what’s your favorite places you’ve been to
The places that made you smile to our human anatomy’s upmost potential
I wonder how much you know about your own human anatomy
I wonder if you know that an average heartbeats 100,00 times a day
Pumping almost 2,000 gallons of blood through it’s chambers
Over a 70 year life span, that adds up to about 2.5 billion heartbeats
And sitting here, just wondering about you– you made me skip a few

It’s now 3:07 am
And I’m wonderin’ if you ever wondered what it would be like to be loved by a poet
To have your body be put to words and your words be put up against my body
And have lips match figurative language to the figure of your body
And write love poems on your cheek
And I wonder, if you even consider me a poet

What are the events in life that you consider poetic?
If your life was a poem, what kind of poem would your
8th grade English teacher categorize it as?
I wonder if you asked her a lot of questions
I wonder if you were a curious child
If you’re ever curious about me
If you’ve ever wondered if I thought you were wonderful
If my mind ever wanders while I wonder about you
And if I could ever weaver it back

At 3:21 am, December 31st, Sunday night, Monday morning
I’m wondering if you’re wondering about me.
If I asked a lot of questions as a child
If I ever used poetry to make love
If I count my heartbeats in my sleep
Or wonder what kind of grades I got in my 11th grade human anatomy class
Or where my ancestors were lost in this world in history pages
Or if you ever wonder if I’ve ever lost myself, but more recently, if I’ve ever lost my mind

I wonder if you wonder if I consider myself a poet.
I wonder, if at 3:27 am, if you’re awake too,
Wondering if I like country music.

I wonder...
How you sleep at night...
Knowing what you did...
I wonder....
How do you feel...
Since,  you left me there...
There to die..
Without a tear in your eye....
I wonder...
What was going through ur head....
Was it I wasn't real???
I wonder...
Was I a trash bag u thought u ran over,
A rock,  a glass bottle???
I wonder...
If you know I was only 5...
Would have been 6 on Saturday...
I wonder....
What the rest of my life would be like....
Prom,  college,  having babies of my own...
I wonder....
What would my big sisters become???
How many babies they would have...
What life would have brought them...
I wonder...
Will my mommies heart ever heal???
From the void you left her??
The heart u left shattered...
The guilt u left her with..
That this is all her fault...
I wonder...
Will my daddy ever heal too...
You took away his little girl...
Left him with Guilt too..
I wonder...
What 1st grade would be like....
All the new things I would learn..
What new songs would I get to learn and sing???
What art projects would I make for mommy and daddy???
I wonder...
But,  you took that from me, my family,  my friends,  everyone who loved me...
Those who I haven't yet to meet..
I wonder...
Who I would have grown to be...
How I wonder...
These things I will never get to know..
You took this all from me...
From  my family...
From all those who loved me...
From those who have not yet met me...
I wonder...
Will u ever answer my questions...
Do even care you killed me??
How I wonder??
I wonder...
Wondering is all I have left...
I'm looking down from heaven wondering why you did this...
Wondering is all I can do..
I wonder...
What if I was your daughter??
Would you have walked away too??  
I wonder...
I wonder....

Write by Tina Marie 7/19/2017

I used to wonder how people fell asleep in class
Now I wonder how they stay awake

I used to wonder how people failed their classes
Now I wonder how they pass

I used to wonder how people were alone
Now I wonder how they have so many friends

I used to wonder how people were sad
Now I wonder how to be happy

I used to wonder why people cut
Now I wonder how they live without self harm

I used to wonder what it's like to stay up late
Now I wonder what'd it be like to sleep enough

I used to wonder how they thought something was wrong with school
Now I wonder how somebody sees something right

I used to wonder how people want to die
Now I wonder how they stay alive

I feel like a creep.

It's been months since I kissed you,
And then you two got together,
And I swear, I'm happy for you...

But I can't help but wonder.

I wonder why
You kissed me back.
Why you held my face,
And slid on top of me.

I wonder why you kissed
Down my neck
Over and over.

It felt like hours.

I wonder why
I was so gentle.
Why your hair felt nice
On my fingertips,
And your hips felt nice
In my hands.
On my waist.

I wonder why
I tried to hold you afterwards.
Why you pushed me away,
And said we needed sleep.
I didn't get any.

I wonder why
I couldn't talk the morning after.
Why I felt so *****,
And you seemed so cold.

I wonder why
I couldn't look you in the eyes
Outside of the dark
Basement.

I wonder why
I was so mad.
Why you were dating him
And not me.

I wonder why
I felt sick
To my stomach.

I wonder why
I stopped being mad.
Why I just felt empty
And wanted to be slutty.

I wonder why
I was so worried
About you being the last person
I kissed...

But not being yours.

I wonder why
I kiss her
So gently.
Why I am so soft-lipped
When she asks for teeth.

I wonder why
I'm so shy around her
And can't look at her after.

I wonder why
I think of you.
Why her hips feel so light
In my hands
And my fingers reach for more...

They come up empty.

I swear, I am happy for you.

I swear, I am happy.

But...

*I wonder.

A look at life through a child's eyes
Is pure and honest; without disguise
A life of joy and wonder and grace
And here we are: running in place

The miracle of a rainbow, the beauty of a blade of grass
Finding untold treasure where others see only trash
Listen. Here the thrum of wind on golden strings
The bells sounding clear and pure in the trees they sing

A look at life through a child's eyes
Is pure and honest; without disguise
A life of joy and wonder and grace
And here we are: running in place

Feel the complex dance around you come alive as you are filled
With a racing spirit and feet that won't be stilled
A song bursts forth just like the morning sun
And overflows and covers you until you and it are one

A look at life through a child's eyes
Is pure and honest; without disguise
A life of joy and wonder and grace
And here we are: running in place

We lose sight of what's important as we fight to survive
But if we stop to look through a child's eyes we learn to truly thrive

A look at life through a child's eyes
Is pure and honest; without disguise
A life of joy and wonder and grace
But here we are: running in place

A life of joy and wonder greets the sun in morning sky
A life of joy and wonder will run free and learn to fly
A life of joy and wonder finds gladness in the rain
A life of joy and wonder finds healing amidst the pain

A look at life through a child's eyes
Is pure and honest; without disguise
A life of joy and wonder and grace
But here we are running in place

A look at life through a child's eyes
Is pure and honest; without disguise
A child's eyes are bright and strong; they don't dull or dim
You might hear their quiet song if you stop and listen

There is a life of joy and wonder and grace
But here we are running in place
A life of joy and wonder takes patience, love, and care
It takes a long time, many years till we get there

But a life of joy and wonder is a precious thing I'm told...

Because a life of joy and wonder far surpasses the value of gold!

I just finished texting you on December 31st
Sunday night, or maybe you consider that a Monday morning
and a country song just came on the radio
I couldn't help but to think about how much I hate country music
I hate the stereotypical voice the singer always sings,
the predictable pattern of strung guitar strings
So, at 2:24 am, on a December 31st, Sunday night/Monday morning

I started to wonder if you liked country music
Or believed too that it's tacky
I wonder if "tacky" even exist in your vocabulary
Where did you get your vocabulary?
Did your mom raise you to believe words would be your greatest ally
Was she raised with more than one language
I wonder what your ancestor's native language sounds like
And if it was ripped out of their tongues
Like culture in our history books
what stories were told from those tongues that history books could never tell
I wonder, what kind of stories you've carved in lover's mouths
with just your, tongue.

I wondered if you've ever lost someone
I wonder if you've ever lost yourself
If you did, where did you find yourself?
Did you find yourself in your palms over bent knees
That kissed the ground that at one time
kissed your feet.

I wonder when we'll meet
I wonder if I'll meet your best friend. If shell ever get scared
You'll replace her with me
And if I'll have to tell her, she's irreplaceable.
I wonder what's your favorite places you've been to
The places that made you smile to your human anatomy's most potential
And I wonder how much you know about your own human anatomy
I wonder if you know that an average heart beats 100,000 times a day
Pumping almost 2,000 gallons of blood through its chambers
Over a 70 year lifespan, that adds up to about 2.5 billion heartbeat
And sitting here, just wondering about you- you made me skip a few.

It's now 3:07 a.m.
And I'm wonderin' if you've ever wondered what it would be like to be loved by a poet
To have your body be put words and your words be put against my body
To have lips match figurative language to the figure of your body
And write love poems on your cheek
And I wonder if you even consider me a poet.

What are the events in your life you consider poetic?
If your life was a poem, what kind of poem would your
8th grade English teacher categorize it as?
If you were a curious child and if now
You're ever curious about me
If my mind ever wanders while I wonder about you
And if I could ever weaver it back

At 3:21 a.m., December 31st, Sunday night, Monday morning
I'm wondering if you're wondering about me.
Or if you ever wonder if I've ever lost myself, but more recently, lost my mind writing poetry

I wonder if you wonder if I consider myself a poet.
I wonder, if at 3:27 am, if you're awake too,
Wondering if I like country music.

I wonder
when soon really is
I wonder
if I could still see tomorrow
I wonder
if I could measure *'forever'

I wonder and wonder and wonder

I wonder
how this all began
I wonder
just how would it end
I wonder
who you were before

I still wonder and wonder and wonder

I wonder
if it was a blessing
I wonder
perhaps it's a curse
I wonder
to where I would go

*When I think of you, I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder if you really think of me. You spend so much time in your own head I wonder if there is any room up there for some one like me, with all my insecurities. I’d spend all day inside your brain if you would let me.


Sometimes I wonder what you’re thinking when you laugh right out of nowhere - no relation to the present situation - and it’s usually a joke you have between you and yourself and no one else quite understands but I am trying.


     Sometimes I wonder who we are. Sometimes I wonder just how far you want to take me down  
     this path that we are making. And sometimes I wonder about not a thing at all; and other times I
     find myself trying my hardest to recall.


Sometimes I wonder if we’d be friends if we met when we were kids, both aging much more rapidly than all our friends. And by the time we grew up, crookedly, would you be sick and tired of me? We’d see the time each other started dying.


Sometimes I wonder what you dream when you’re asleep or if you have a fantasy world like I do but that’s my secret. And I wonder if someday you’ll store all your secrets inside me and I’ll hide them from this dark, depressing, dream ingesting world.


     Sometimes I wonder what we are. Right now I wonder if my car will make it to your house when
     it and I am shaking. Sometimes I wonder if someday I’ll be driving to our house; finally a place
     where we can maybe try to get some sleep.


Sometimes I wonder if you worry ‘bout things you say ‘round me. Do you feel stupid, do you feel crazy, do you think that you might scare me? Do I steal your breath away with each kiss like you do to me? Or am I mystifying, romanticizing this time?


Sometimes I wonder what you do when I’m not there or you’re not here, because you’re interesting, and I worry because I care. Sometimes I wonder ‘bout the spaces in-between your fingers where your soul begins and this world ends and I know my lips have been.


     Sometimes I wonder if we are. Sometimes I’m really ******* far away and I can’t say the
     meanings I am thinking. And sometimes you need your space and sometimes I need my space,
     too. We like alone but alone’s better when I’m with you.


     Sometimes I’m scared half to death. Just want to rest my spinning head upon your chest and
     listen softly to the rhythm and I hope you know I’m hopeful that things will be okay someday I
     hope you know that I mean every word I say.

Sometimes I wonder if you'll leave me.
Sometimes I wonder if I never woke up again, what would you do?
Sometimes I wonder how you would feel if I left.
Sometimes I wonder if I actually would do it,
And you'd find me hanging from the ceiling by my neck.
How would you feel?
Sometimes I lay awake at night and think,
How many of my "friends" would genuinely miss me.
If I would be gone forever and never come back.
Sometimes I wonder if my mother has had enough and will do exactly that.
Sometimes I wonder if she wonders exactly that.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a chance with you.
And sometimes I like to wonder if you think you will ever have a chance with me.
Sometimes I wonder about the stars.
Wishing that I could be one of them and get out of this town.
Sometimes  I wonder how many days until I am done with this meaningless life.
Ready to fly above the clouds and truly be free.
Sometimes I wonder how many pills it would take...
Sometimes I just like to wonder,
About anything and everything.

Susi sees angels here and there
magical creatures are everywhere
I canny see them, I try and look twice
I kind of regret it, it must be nice

but I think
Why should I personify
my sense of wonder,
sense of wonder
I laugh beneath the starlit sky
with my sense of wonder
sense of wonder

Ewan sees reason in everything
knows you can measure pieces of string
and he is my brother I love and respect
and proof of the other we've never found yet

but I think
Why should I categorize
my sense of wonder
sense of wonder
I laugh beneath the starlit skies
with my sense of wonder
sense of wonder

And I salute you, one and all
who've seen the light, who've heard the call
I'll not dispute what you have seen
I'm just not certain what you mean

Susi's a human, as sweet as can be
and magic or not she's amazing to me
and whether we're born here blessed or alone
I hope that her angels will see her home

but still think
Why should I personify my sense of wonder
sense of wonder
I laugh beneath the starlit sky
with my sense of wonder
sense of wonder
sense of wonder

I wonder why i live
and add to my grieve
I wonder why i think of you
it always hurts & that i knew

I wonder if you remember me
as i remember about thee
I wonder if she ever notice me
here I'm dying can't you see

I wonder if she ever look for me
as i keep looking for thee
I wonder if for her i ever exist
yet she's the one for i persist

I wonder if the smile on her face
is only for me or it has got a constant pace
I wonder if she loves talking to me
here my cheek are aching when I talk to thee

I wonder if you will ever love me
but  i'll never forget thee
I wonder if she's happy with me nearby
or should i let her go for (a happy) life of thy

I wonder why i prove myself
I wonder why i hate myself
I wonder do i even respect myself
I feel I've lose myself
for someone who could never be mine…

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder what you're thinking.
If you're thinking of me.
If that's a stupid thing to think.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I stop you.
Stop you from whatever you're doing.
Because the thought of me gave you butterflies.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I frustrate you.
If you're frustrated that I haven't kept in touch lately.
Maybe we're both too stubborn to start the conversation.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I make you smile.
From a memory you don't want to forget.
There are so many of those that you could recall.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I haunt you.
Just as much as you've been haunting me.
We're both ghosts haunting what we hope is still there.

Like all days, you wonder.
You wonder if I wonder about you, too.
If I'm just as flustered with these thoughts as you are.
Maybe we've been sharing these feelings all along.

Like all days, we wonder.

I wonder why
I was ever gifted with
This life, and with a sigh,
I'd say whatever gift you give me
My mind will be shifted
Towards the dark side.

I wonder why
I ever made friends,
I am so shy
My friendship soon ends
Even with myself.

I wonder why
I want to escape
From this dark land
I want to scrape
All the scars I have
And start a new life
In a new place.

I wonder why
People say things
Which makes me want to cry.

I wonder why
I try to stay strong
When I know if I cry
I can make others think they are wrong,
Then they will pity me
And they will apologise
But I wonder why
I don't want a fake apology.

I wonder why
I like to be polite
To people
Even when I know about the harm they gave me
I wonder why
I like to help
Even when I know they don't deserve it.

I wonder why
I like to be different
I don't want to be the one
Who only thinks about oneself.

I wonder why
I want to show the world
What love could do,
Even if you're arch enemies
You can't love each other, says who?

I wonder why
I think so deep
Even when my friends tell me to stop
I walk down in my mind
In this road so steep
In which I never want myself to stop.

I wonder why**
I feel like exploring my own mind
There are so many places I've found in here
There are so many places to explore
There are so many discoveries I have shared
There are so many discoveries more
To share with all the one's who care
To read all my thoughts.

I wonder what you’d think of me
I wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you remember  me
I wonder if you want to remember  me
I wonder if you’ve cried over me

I miss you
I want you
I need you
I love you

I wonder if you miss me
I wonder if you want me
I wonder if you need me
I wonder if you love me

I imagine you
I see pictures of you
I wish for you
I beg for you

I wonder if you imagine me
I wonder if you see pictures of me
I wonder if you wish for me
I wonder if you beg for me

I wish you were mine.

...And on those nights when the moon is as full as the sheets are empty,
I wonder if what he really felt was love.  
I wonder how the moon can be so completely filled with light
and never question whether it's really even light at all.  
I wonder if when he said it he meant it.  
Maybe he meant something else entirely.  
I wonder if the realization hit him years later
and I wonder if he thought I was worth telling.  
I wonder if my face popped into his mind
and I wonder if he thought about looking up my address
or if he'd ever driven past the old apartment.  
I wonder if I was worth the gas money,
if remnants of my body smothered in nostalgia
were worth those few extra dollars.  
I wonder if he ever thinks about it.  
I wonder if he questions what he didn't do .  
Did he realize what he meant
when his phone would buzz at three in the morning
and I'd be sitting on a sidewalk somewhere in the heart of the city
wanting him to take me home?  
Did he realize what he meant
when the candles were lit
and dinner was made
and I would plead with him
and my hair would be tangled in his hands,
but he was too tired to go further?  
Did he realize what he meant
when he couldn't say it back until the right time,
but the right time wasn't until warm mornings
when he'd still be half asleep
and my whispers wouldn't let him continue
so he said what he needed to?  
I wonder,
I wonder.  
I wonder why I didn't realize it
I wonder when he thinks of me.  
When the sheets are empty?  
When my old candles are finally burned down the wick?  
When the coffee *** collects dust in the cabinet?  
Does it make him wonder what I meant to him?  
Does he even realize?

I can’t help but wonder if you still have tucked away all the letters and the notes and the list of reasons why I loved you.
I wonder where you left the guitar strings that I gave you for your wrist
I thought I saw them in a picture of you,
the one with the girl.
I could be wrong.

I think about the things I wrote to you and wonder if you’ve ever looked at them again
And felt the warm singe of pain when you read the words that we meant
when we were naïve enough to think that we were different.

I wonder if I still cross your mind when you scoop ice cream
Because you know how I hate skimpy scoopers.
Or when you find a hair on your arm that's freakishly longer than the rest,
if you wish I was there to pull it out.

Sometimes I think of your mom
And I wonder if she kept my picture, the one she kept on the mantle right beside yours.
What did she do with my Christmas stocking?
I can’t help but wonder if it’s been passed on to your new girl
And I don’t know if they’ll watch West Side Story together,
If she’ll enjoy it the way I did.

I imagine you never thought twice
When you came across a hair still on your pillow, or the faintest of my scent
Or my bobby pins on your bedroom floor.

I remember finding the bobby pins and hair binders of other lovers
when I came back to you for the last time.
They were scattered across your carpet like cruel reminders of all the other heads
that lied in the bed that was always mine.
I wonder if she ever finds mine and feels the same.
Probably not.

I imagine you’ll reread that book someday,
The one I got you in high school when you went through your philosophical phase.
And I wonder if you’ll notice the inside cover where I wrote “I love you”.
I’d always thought there was something special about a book with an inscription.

I remember sitting there for a long while, trying to think of something heartfelt
to say to you,
But all I could manage was “I love you”.
Maybe that’s because I knew that anything else I felt for you would have an expiration date
And I’d wonder if you’d read it when I was gone, and those words wouldn’t be true anymore.
Or not to you.
But I think of you reading it now and it won’t seem silly because it will
always be true.
For both of us, I think.

I think about the time when I first moved to your big city
And I got lost in your neighborhood and I saw you from my car.
You were walking right towards me.
I drove away as fast as I could and I couldn’t breathe or talk or smile.
Did you see me too?
I looked in my rearview mirror, and you never looked back as I drove.
I wanted so badly for you to move away.

I can’t help but wonder if you wonder
About your drawings and your notes and the music you showed me and if I still listen to it.
I do.
If I still wear my black pants that made you go crazy
or if I refuse to listen to The Joker, despite my favorite song lyric of all time,
because it reminds me of the time on your uncle's dock
When we decided we needed a song but we were both too drunk to think of anything sentimental.

I wonder if you imagine a bittersweet feeling coming over me
when I hear the Bee Gees and think of you singing in your Elmo voice,
Or if i ever find myself recalling one of your "facts of the day" and wondering where I learned it.

******, I hope you wonder.

I’m having a moment
As you were revealed
Cause you are a Queen that
should have not been labeled
A fantasy, that’s real
My heart kept on beating, babe
Soul dancing inside
You made me feel good, then feel blessed, & feel life
Is this Paradise?

Crazy how I realized
The cutie pie of all the pies
If you don’t know then I’ll sing it
So, no need to wonder
Crazy how I realized
The cutie pie of all the pies
If you don’t know then I’ll sing it
So, no need to wonder

Let me ask how long
How long it’s gonna take for you to believe me baby?
Cause I unseen you in my life
Journey right by my side

You’re so appealing
Appealing in my life

It’s, crazy how I realized
The cutie pie of all the pies
If you don’t know then I’ll sing it
So, no need to wonder
Wonder

Crazy how I realized
The cutie pie of all the pies
If you don’t know then I’ll sing it
So, no need to wonder

Crazy how I realized
The cutie pie of all the pies
If you don’t know then I’ll sing it
So, no need to wonder
no need to wonder

no need to wonder
no need to wonder
no need to wonder
no need to wonder

no need to wonder
no need to wonder
no need to wonder
no need to wonder

I wonder what the world holds in store for me
The sky is the limit but who knows
Seems like the world has it in for me
Growing up, the world has produced a lot of enemies
I've been pushed to the limit
I wonder why

Its because I'm the nice guy
Who always tries to please
I wonder if someone would do the same for me
Going the distance to lend a helping hand
Giving good advice when no one else can
I wonder is there anyone true

Probably not
Because the way things are going
It's gonna be a dog eat dog world
Survival of the fittest
I wonder, will I make it?
Still, I'm undergoing training
I just wonder

Will the earth withstand bombardment
Shrapnel and fire
Murderous intentions
With some of the sickest desires
Is the end around the corner
I wonder

By using faith and prayer
Will it save us, I hope cause
We all took a dive into sin
I wonder, can we all be cleansed
I say that because some people are pure evil
Hatred has consumed them
I wonder

Where did peace go
I guess it fell up under war
It was stomped out by the people
Who is looking for a score
I wonder did it ever have a chance
All I can do is wonder

-V.v.V. Ds

I wonder if you know how much
I still think about you?
You are one of the first thoughts
when I wake in the morning
and one of the last thoughts  
when I go to bed at night.

I wonder if you truly understand
how much I miss you?
How you would hold me
when our bodies were close.  
How I would catch you looking
at me, as if in amazement.
How your charcoal blue eyes
gazed into mine when we talked.  

I wonder if you realize that  
despite allowing you time and space,
that you still mean so much to me?
It does not matter to me how
long I have known you,
you were able to allow me to
feel things that I was not so  
sure I would be ever able to feel again.  

I wonder if you know how much
I yearn for us to try again?
That each day without you in it
has been harder than I realized
it could possibly be.
That each day I wonder how you
are you and what you are doing.

I wonder if you will ever get to
the point of accepting that  
I am exactly who I showed you?
That you believe my words.
That you believe my actions.
That you believe in me.    

I wonder if you will ever give
your heart to me fully?
To finally conquer your fears
and let me in.
To trust me enough    
to hold your hand through life.  
To become your best friend.

I wonder if you can have
faith in love again?  
To believe that someone truly
does care about you.
That someone wants to know everything
there is to know about you.  
That someone just wants  
a chance to walk around in your heart.  

I wonder if you think of me?
If you miss my embrace,
my eyes meeting yours.
The chemistry we felt.  
The laughs we shared.  
The support I gave you,
regardless of knowing how
precarious your situation is.

I wonder if you will ever see  
the good in me and just try  
to allow me to be a part of your life?
All these thoughts of wondering
are always on my mind.  
I wonder, I truly do wonder…  


Vicki A. Zinn

April 20, 2014