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J Feb 1
hmmm hm hmmm

you've left again,
and truth be told it's best
so don't tell me that you love me still
that you just need to get some things in your head straight

hmm hm hmm

because you had your head on the entire time
you just wanted to rest it for a while
and I was your soft pillow
a punching bag if you must
you flipped me around when I was too hot
you seem to always like me better when I'm cool
my silence will always be reassuring
the heat will make you nervous.

hmm hm hmm

I cope by talking
so let me talk to people that are like you
my ex
exes.
girls that have wanted me from the beginning, am I really
that charming?
I have three, four if you're counting the girl i sent nudes to last night
i'm disgusting
I should have kissed her in that bathroom, you know.
i should have took advantage of the situation
I don't like that you're the last person my lips tasted

hmm hm hmmm

running my fingers across the keyboard
they dance in a rhythm only I can figure out
I've got plans, a future, and a pack of cigarettes waiting for me at home
I should have listened when people said to stay away from you
I'm mad because you let me believe you when you said
i love you
because i always meant it
i love you more, most, forever and always, that was the promise, the deal.
I was supposed to be loved by you and you alone.
and you for me.
maybe you left

hmm hm hmmm hm

because you have other people that you want.
but you'll never in your life find someone like me
but maybe that's good because
hell I know that i'm actually very toxic.
manipulative.
dramatic.
draining
i've heard it all before
i'm too sensitive.
these are truths
i'll fix it.
i'll get better.
and you will too

hmm hm hmmm

i shouldn't still be writing about you. i've been broken for a while
but it feels easier now.
i can just pretend that you don't exist, that's easier for me
that is how i have to cope now.
after Justin, i thought i wouldn't love
i should have focused on getting hurt again.
i know that it's possible now.
well sorta.
after him, i went numb.
hell. what am i ever talking about
i guess what i'm meaning to say is
we'll be a lot happier without each other
at least we were long distance.
you don't have to see me or hear me everyday.
I have you blocked on social media for that reason.
but i can't block your number
i like knowing that you'll come back eventually.
and if not knowing, then hoping
when you find out what you've ****** up don't be textin' my phone
i like you better when you leave me alone.

hmm mhm hm
we broke up again, but this time i think that it will actually last.
Josie Dec 2020
Don't be shocked when
A scornful mock
Results in a block
J Nov 2020
so. so what?
it's like every ******* time that i need you you're desperate to leave.
but god forbid i think of my own emotions once in a time of crisis.
because ****** lord knows that whatever the **** i am doesn't ******* matter
oh but you do J
you're such a beautiful person
you're so smart
i love you.
******* ******* *******.
what the ****. nah.
nah what the **** is wrong with you.
you've had it happen before.
so i ask for help, i tell you that i don't want to be here.
so you leave me on opened and then the next day you're telling me
telling me what? that you got MAD?
you got MAD at me for it? tell me where that makes sense.
you're mad because i wanted to die?
are you ******* me? I WANTED TO DIE!
I wanted to die! i wanted to die!
and you're MAD?
"it's not directed at you."
I'm ******* mad.
I'm ******* ******. I'm beyond hurt what the ****.
I'm so ******* tired of feeling alone. I'm so tired of being alone.

I'm so tired of feeling this way.
why do you keep leaving me alone
why do you keep leaving me alone.
please don't leave me alone.
please answer
why won't you ******* answer oh my god
I'm not safe.
why couldn't i have just succeeded?
i can't even **** myself right
I'm so tired of feeling like this.

i wish it was more than just some extra time to sleep in.
i wish it was forever.
i could rest forever.
i could sleep forever.
forever forever forever.
please answer the phone

it's the feelings he gave me,
i can do it
i
I CAN'T
I JUST I
just can't i just
can't.
god it
it feels so good to cry.
i don't want to stop.

this ******* *****, yknow.
the way this feels.
i just want to scream.

I'm blocking you. everywhere. you can't get me now.

alone again.
naturally.
i blocked her everywhere. i just need to be alone. i can't do this anymore.
Esther Oct 2020
you blocked me on social media
i blocked you in my heart.
Kailey Jones Apr 2020
I am not in contact with my emotions
they're distant to me and far away
it's been centuries since we've met again
ever since the night I let them be torn away

I found out early that love holds you back
so I cut off all association
And now my faux emotions sparkle
without any questioning

Because everyone only sees my smile
And it's not a cry out for help
But instead, all that I sprout it for
Is to display my independent self

So there's no reason for me to have anyone
Because I couldn't hold commitment.
I can watch from afar easily
As I decimate the shipments
Because my heart yearns to travel to my mind
and I painstakingly won't let it
I did this one to myself and now I am secluded
I found it easy at first but now it only gets harder.
Felicity Paris Apr 2020
I wanted to see her face again
So I deleted Instagram

I wanted to know what she was thinking
So I deleted Twitter

I wanted to hear her voice
So I blocked her number
Molly Eli Mar 2020
The words mean nothing
As I try to fill my writing full of emotion
And nothing can lift me up
Let alone drag me down
There is nothing I can do
To describe the meaningless words
But write down some more
Nothing has any meaning
Not a single word

It hurts me to say
To bring myself to this grim truth
But it hurts me to be here sitting next to you
My meaningless words
Are not just on paper
But the garbled speech coming out of my mouth
And I couldn't say anything to you
Nothing at all
But I was hoping to say just one thing
I'm sorry for my meaningless words
I'm sorry for everything I've done
I wish that I never done anything at all
Zane Smith Sep 2019
the days I feel
my brain is blocked,
I take a step back
go for a walk.
no phone needed
through the neighborhood.
searching for peace
a quiet state of mind,
finding ways
to leave it behind.
one way I take my pause for the day, giving my brain a moment to process
Amanda Brown Jul 2019
Blocked.
Blocking the hope of a text message.
A chance to even get in my head more.
Closed.
Closing the sheets in my room so I don’t get a  glimpse of you.
Down.
Keeping my head down as I walk into the room.
So that my eyes don’t “ironically” find you.
Cold.
The chills I get when I walk past you.
Lies.
The foundation of our “relationship”.
The series of actions I went through, throughout my break-up.
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