A forsaken smile crawls forward as she greets her past,
Rushing with euphoria and glee - his call beacons her,
Uplifting and fulfilling does he compliment her every day,
A mistaken encounter solidified as she prays.

Ever closer your cooties approach my fabric, multiplying like maggots.

Can I even muster the courage
to peek under the sheets?

Nope.

Too afraid of what I'll see...
Perhaps a mushroom shaped like me?

Nowadays your dead skin cells are my pillow.

Funny.

You're warmer dead than alive,
and your cooties still thrive.

I don’t think I’m in denial anymore… but sometimes I guess I almost just forget. Like I’ll just randomly see or hear something that reminds me of you and then I remember a memory of us together— and then all of a sudden it’s like it hits me all over again and I realize I’ll never see you again… and it’s just such a gut wrenching thought. I wonder if I’ll remember the sound of your voice or how you used to light up when you laughed; that large, bowl full of jelly Santa laugh you had! I miss it more than I ever thought possible. It’s so strange to think you’re really just not here; not part of this world anymore. Forever is a very long time to not see someone or talk to them again… it’s a scary, vast amount of space and time that seems almost empty in your absence.

It almost doesn’t feel real sometimes, though the necklaces and box that have what is left of you physically, remind me otherwise. I wish you were here. I can’t remember the last time we had a proper conversation, or even just a visit. Covid really messed that up for us… I wish I could have gone to see you. I wish I could have spoken to you more. I hope you knew I loved you and that I always have and always will. You have left an ache in my heart that I don’t think will ever be fully healed. I know you didn’t mean to and you would hate for me to feel this way, but I just miss you and wish you could have stayed.

I hope you’re happy wherever you are out there. I hope it’s beautiful and free from any pain. I hope it’s everything you wished for and more. I hope you come visit and check in sometimes. I hope you know how much I miss you.

Love always,
Papas sunshine ☀️

Lucid or daydreaming hypnotized
The thought of you wakes me up
Something like a Scarlett Johansson character
The suns coming down
Yet you’ve calm me down
But that’s just your voice of the past
Funny how the echo is the last thing I hear
As a deep sleep turns forever I wonder on how we’ll ever see each other again
The suns coming down
Yet you’ve turned me down
I wish I didn’t shun you
But that’s just my thoughts eating me alive