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someone once told me
you never forget your first love
you always love them
maybe in some strange twisted way
your brain forgetting
all the pain they caused
you love them
and i think they were right
because in a way
i love you
and i think i always will
for some nonsensical reason
i will never see the world
the same because of you
and sometimes i wish
i could change that
erase you from my thoughts
as you distort them
with your unwavering power
but then i remember
i wouldn’t want it any other way
you have shaped me
into the person i am today
and because of that
and i wouldn’t change a thing

- i'll never forget you
Before you
Back when
Bottomless trenches
Coerced with whatever was left
With lullabies as morose as
the winds that we believed
gave us the frozen whip and
brought us back to life.
With what voice has ensued
me to regret each decision that has led
me further away from you.
Still-struck by a twitch of sparks
that was created in the midst of my agony

Before you
Back when
Foundations collided with fools
A casual wreckage betwixt the hate
A self loathing beyond measure
Broken and
Bedridden unto forgiveness
Willing and waiting for failure
that has justified my roots
And condemned us to pointlessness
Unable to remember
Which shattered memories built the love
That has sadly
Sunk into the abyss

Before you
Back when
I can’t tell which was then
And which one follows
the intentional pursuit to happiness
That we juggled with our bodies
While love making had a purpose
And finding ourselves in souls we
deemed liable
Can never be forgotten
Yet I must choose
To remember something else

Before you
Back then
Hell is nothing more than a passing
A stop in which I got off
And never returned
Yet I can’t deny you of such an illness
What comes after is only pain
What will do I have to find you again
Amaris 2d
I don’t want time to cool off after getting mad
I want you to prove that you’re sorry
Stop asking what you can do to make it better
Don’t just sit there and repeat back to me
Offer me suggestions and do them anyway
Beg my forgiveness down on your knees
Spend the next eight hours overthinking
Get angry and expressive, ******* unfreeze
Fight back, take up a weapon and strike
God knows I’ve given you a million to date
Or deliver an overblown romantic gesture
It could be literally anything I’d appreciate
Hey, can you listen? It’s not that hard
Do I have to scream to be heard?
I don’t think I’m making an impact
You still stand there undeterred
Micah 2d
it doesn't have to always be me
but it will always be you
You had many lovers before me.
Perhaps some were just
passersby, meant but
for a cheap night of carnal pleasure.

Still, many others stroked your skin
as I now do, your cheeks supple
yet rough against my fingers.
Many others laughed in your arms
as you held them
much like you hold me now.
Maybe a few of them even loved you,
or thought they could love you,
as I do now.

Maybe you lost yourself
in their gentle eyes
and easy smiles,
and found love in them, too.

Yet, when it is you and I
alone in bed,
our bodies pressed
into the shape of one,
our laughs quivering together,
I feel no other lover.
I feel only you in all our delight.
This isn't a poem that I could write easily.

It is but a reply to a kind girl I cherish. That I hope she never reads.

On awful days like this I think of you, though I shouldn't.
The spiteful guy who knows you betrayed him.
Should the book of life be written, I would argue it's pages to say you betrayed me.
Lo, the poison spreads.

I can't help that you are human.
That you were broken over and over again by your abusers.
And hate these arms of mine for being one of them.
Lo, the toxin wears.

I am a tired man who curses those to whom he protects.
When you smiled at me, I felt truly alive!
I have gone too long without that smile. It is kept from me and these loving eyes.

Because these eyes are killers eyes.
This heart, will rise again.
And my soul will corrupt.
The price I pay for being a big fat liar.

And the pain I feel for loving someone for whom it is impossible to love. One disgusting hopeless narcissist to another.

---------Thoughtful Strangers letter---------

If we meet, I'd like to watch the sunset with you. And call you a pathetic woman with no talent whatsoever at finding happiness. And a ***** who is so predictable, I could tell her future looking into dog **** rather than a crystal ball. That I actually wanted you to save me from the disgusting people I called family. And that unlike you, I was enlightened to understand just why I have to think through everything in front of me. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs like you because I don't have the luxury of serving my own purpose of self-satisfaction because this body won't let me. That you broke my heart when these, my only pair of eyes made you feel afraid when I looked at you in my most loving gaze.

Now I look into the mirror and see something disgusting that truly should not exist. So before I die, never feeling the touch of one who loves me. I hope you suffer. Just like I always knew you would and wanted you to. I hope you die ******. That horrible future I see is a lot kinder than the hell I've been confined too. Trapped like a cockroach. With a beautiful heart that poisons everything it touches. And hurts every time it remembers that he has no friends.

I can only hope it's easier not to care.
It always seemed counter intuitive to me. Why release my inner thoughts to the world, why seek people to read it when I don't want anyone to ever talk about it? The answer is sucky. It's because I believe there is a god who will answer my prayers to make this all go away. And I hope someone, anyone will want to be friends with me after reading this trash.
Tick tock tick tock
If a tick and a tock was a motion
That’s the motion I feel with him
Up down up down
As time wraps around me every night
It caters to me
It calms me during the darkest of days
Somehow with time I feel invincible
I wake up to time everyday
Time touches me as it kisses my heart
These motions I want to last forever
Perhaps one day these words I write,
will somehow make you see the light,
until that day,
here I shall lay,
and fix your broken heart.
I lay here alone and i recall those words you said,
how you told me all you longed for was to lie in my bed,
how you wished to feel my touch,
as i stroke your stubble grown a little too much.
How you'd call me late and declare you're cold,
say the only possible cure was to be in my hold.
I wonder if you still lay alone,
in this new place not all that far from home,
the thought so awful has now fled
I hate myself for letting such ideas inside my head
you are mine and I am yours, a trust neither should betray,
though difficult without a word it is to keep evil thoughts at bay.
But I shall fight until our wedding day.
My boyfriend has moved to university, not too far away. Though he struggles with his head and he does not let me see him.
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