i am alone yet again,
wallowing in thick melancholy
letting the darkness seep onto my mouth
and onto my ribcage it accumulates,
turning my chest into an empty void of despair.

all alone, i gasp for air
but nothing seems to pass through
this black hole i created for myself.

all alone, i am afraid
afraid that this emptiness would swallow me whole
and leave me cold and numb, lifeless.

i am alone yet again,
and i'm out of breath.

the maze

inside the rules of the car
you promise me that no matter what
insane or compromising thought might
have arisen from either our mouths,

there would always be the maze to keep us as friends- naked friends. fucking friends. hot, sexy, blonde and brown haired beasts summoning our human equity to arouse and arraign each other, each's other:

say,
drowning in internacional shipping bombings, lost at terminals, aboard flights.

noting our beasts

the minimalist pianissimo of black and white keys, the growing spirits of a Richter violin filling us up
with anti-matter, inside this hours black tideless extremes. this place's mooring soporific tinders. You placed this cart of humanness too close to the life you live

even say,

rules i wanted to know but
never have to practise in your absence
nowness self-less and losing to the light, losing to the ocean, each ounce of life is now vastly different

inside of me
where dead worms
cannot crawl
i continue to die beside your sprawl
where heavy night brings memories of
your skin affixed n entwined
each of your twelve unspoken names
each of these hours that won't be mine

and as this box of earth resigns
its peace, i wish never to have known
this haunting sea, where quaffing like
the enigma of misery
my secret voice cannot be free
my eyes cannot bare their sight to see
if ever chance should be

Give away my legs
Someone needs them more
My hands may go as well, to a mother perhaps
Who desires to touch her children
always
even if her palms are heavy
My mouth does not, want not to speak
Somewhere a voice is desperate to be heard,
let them put to use this wasted tongue and lips
I have arms capable of cooking a thousand meals
for a thousand starving souls
I deserve the pains of hunger
These eyes will bring visions of adventures, nature and
children running with dogs nipping at their ankles in the sun.
Let the breeze in my hair be felt by another
One who will wear it down and allow it to be tousled
Someone deserves it more than I
the wind just passes me by, unnoticed
I do not care to smell, lend the breath to those who wish to inhale
the scents which create a memory
Memories are too painful for me to bear
I won’t miss them
But my heart
burn that with my empty shell
It is unbearable, un-giftable
Even the Earth should not be burdened with its existence

My eyes are always seeking
The value of forgotten gestures of future
Instead of the mirrored past
Reflecting everyone’s disappointments

How tragic to be a human
Chivalry is a dying trend
Though I care not for some armored knight
Just a soul as bare open towards the future as mine

Reality exists just within our mind
I will never live or love as “real people” do
There is no such right way
Leave my days hanging on the wire

My lips do not touch other lips
For in my breath escapes words of my soul
Feelings materialized
So familiar, mirrored eyes must talk first

I don’t need to be loved, I long to be understood
Meet me in the darkness of truth when the clock strikes 13
Only there will my soul escape the edge of my lips
Instead of from a pen clenched fist & fingertips

I wish I could make a
Poem or a picture
Out of what
I'm feeling
I wish I could make something
Beautiful of it
But I can't
I can't make anything out of the dark

Do you ever just have the
biggest fucking crush on
someone ever and you just
know it wont work because
they're too old or you're
not good enough or they
and too attractive for you
so you pretty much spend
what feels like eternity
having the explainable
feeling for them until it rids
of the small bit of heart
you have left until you find
another person to have the
same shitty feeling towards.

Hell
I thought my feelings were gone,
But I guess I was wrong.

Freezing when you walk by,
Wishing you were by my side,
Looking away when I know you're there,
Because there's nothing anymore and of
that I'm aware.

But lately I can't get you out of my mind.
Everywhere I go, You're in my sight.
Can't you see it's destroying me?

suddenly aware of an ascending sense of depression
mostly unaware of my instinctive feelings and aggression.
my mind is running laps around the empty hole inside my chest
and i am just exhausted, my energy is constantly suppressed.
uncomfortably trapped inside my bed, just trying to arise
an aching sense of actuality, my brain can fantasize.
the throbbing pain of all my joints conjoin my body to my mind
regretting all of the troubled thoughts i thought i left behind.
proactively trying to occupy less space
staring in the mirror not recognizing my own face.
it's safe to say i'm lonely here, drowning in grey
but who is kidding, if you were here i'd probably just push you away.