I can feel my teeth,
Grinding against my lips
Pale and dry
Flaking between each drag

I can feel my hair,
Long and damaged
Swaying against my knotted neck
Hear the quiet swoosh

I can feel each breath I take,
Cold air rushing in
Fills charred lungs
Only to leave in urgency
Dancing in the stagnant room

I can feel my shaking hands
I can feel my swirling thoughts
I can feel the sharpness of the blade
I can feel the sting of friction

So, then…

Why can’t I feel anything at all?

'Love is a drug'
it's a bit cliche at this point but its true
not in the sense of addiction or how harmful it can be
but in the sense of its effects
love changes people and it changes each one of us differently
for some, they become suave people with immense charms
for others, they become bumbling awkward masses that are plagued with a mentality and drive that makes them try too hard
it can slow you down
make you hyper aware
fill up every bit of you
from your toes to your hair
Love is a drug
it can make you do or think or say things you never thought you could
it's an oxymoron that turns you into everything you never were
it's every color and sound and feeling; it's everything at once
it's pure, it's evil, it hollows you out as it fills you up and gives the deepest sense of pleasure as it kills you and eats you from the inside out
Love is a beautiful thing, some might say life's greatest creation
maybe this is true, maybe it isn't but be careful
because its beauty makes so shockingly easy to overdose on when you're in it

i am but a blip
on this timeline
but you make me feel
like i'm the entire thing

I think it's coming back
My scary thoughts
My burning temptations
And as I sink further into this couch
I want to sink even further
I don't know what's wrong with me
I know what makes me sad
But I don't know why it makes me this sad
Why do things keep happening to me
It's never ending
And I don't understand why
Why can't I just go on with my life
Why do I crave sad songs and lasting tears
And why do I have to feel sad to feel inspired
Why can't I be inspired when I'm happy

I always feel restrained
I crave outside
I crave the sky, the wind, the birds, and the trees
I wish I could write with my eyes closed
To truly write what I see, feel, fear, and dream of
I want to float into the sky
But at the same time I want to sink to the bottom of the ocean
Because I want to be free
But I don't know if that means living or dying
I want things to make sense again
I want to make sense again
They don't get it
Sometimes I don't even get it
My mind is so confusing that I have to take a breath
And try to move forward with it

Why does the ocean floor feel so inviting
Why do the dark nights and empty spaces give me so much peace
I like being alone
I like not wanting to see anyone
I take steps back and watch everyone ahead of me
I try to figure out what's going on
And why I am so different
But I can never seem to figure it out
And I know life was never meant to be easy or simple
But I know life was never meant to be empty or dangerous

I'm dangerous
I need to escape my mind
Because it controls everything I do
And that's the problem with human bodies
Mind over matter always wins
And by the time we realize what matters
It's too late
My mind always wins
But I always lose

Come to me my friend!
sit beside me someday.
In the depth of my heart,
get a plunge someday!

Fly with me my friend!
holding hands someday,
The height of my love
conquer someday!

Talk to me my friend!
at a length someday,
The lonely world inside
explore someday!

Be with me my friend!
in my night and day
Be the light in my dark and
shade in sunlight someday!

Enough of shallow meet,
from a distance my friend!
We are the soulmates,
be mine forever someday!!