I wanted to leave
but I couldn't find
the right time
or words to speak
to explain
so I ran away
again.

Returning with
A plastic bag and
Speckled with the rain
She hears the click
Of the door behind you
And you take off your coat

The patter of her feet
And she slides down the hall
In her favorite fuzzy socks
To greet you with a warm hug
And the smell of Vicks
That will never go away

And you don’t forget
To put water in the soup
(At least this time)
And the kettle whistles
And she mimics it from
The other room

The world is warm
In front of the television
With your favorite movie
Sending changing colors
Across your faces
And her mug of lemon tea

There is no way
To ignore you
With your
Bounding laughter
And impossible
Nature

Constantly searching
For your absurd hair
And warm eyes
In any location
Because who wouldn’t
Want you to join them

And finally you’re here
And it feels like
I’ve won something
At a carnival
And the sugar from
A candy apple is
Still coursing through me

I wish I was simple
easy going and easy to love
I wish I could be sweet when your mad
and know just the right things to say to end a fight
mellow tempered and cool
I never want to fight with you
I am in my own way

I'm the opposite of what I wish  
instead of the sweet summer breeze I am the torrential wind during a storm
and I can't just be a drizzle
I'm a downpour
I am all or nothing
I don't know how to be anything else
I've spent years trying to figure out how to be something I am not
I've tried crawling out of my skin
and forming a new face
being me is my biggest downfall

You kissed me
With your dazzling gleam
When I craved affection.

Provided solace
When I felt like the only soul that's walking on earth.

Last night I felt an explosion of tears burst through my face,
As I remembered my friend who passed.

I felt alone
Like the last cloud to escape from the night sky.

Remember I asked you if you ever had that feeling?

You illuminated my soul
And allowed me to sit on the edge of your crescent.

When I expressed my explosion of tears to you,
I was reminded of your craters.

I should've held you closer
I should've called.
I should've texted.
I should've wrote.
I should've hugged you tighter.
I should've talked to you more.
I should've told you how I felt.
I should've told told everyone what this was.
I should've told my parents.
I should've told my friends.
I really should've told my sister.
I should've known you were destined for greatness.
I should've known you were more than this.
I should've known you were more than us.
I should've known it wouldn't last forever.
I should've known you were different.
I should've known this was something special.
I should've listened.
I should've talked.
I should've laughed more.
I should've cried less.
I should've told you to take the chance.
I should've listened to that damn song you recommended.
I should've watched that movie you raved about.
I should've put you first.
I should've loved you.
I should've loved you more.
I should've done more.
I should've told you.
I should've told you.
I should've told you.

when my mind is quiet
my heart erupts emotions
it's pain erodes the mind blocks
and gives me whiplash
it subjects itself to neurons
and interlaces by craft
my heart befriends unspoken dialogue
and bears itself to my sensibility
it outbursts towards my brains game
in disparity
to be understood

it shreds
and snaps
and cripples

when my mind is quiet
my heart screams to make itself known

There it was.

That smirk
The one that makes
My heart beat right out of my chest.

Those eyes,
That I dare not to glance at,
Because of the fear of dying.
Or worst
Falling in love.

Possibly my eyes are mistaken.
And You can't just make my lungs squeeze until there is no more oxygen.

It just can't be.
I don't accept it.

No.
Never.