I got up because I was hurt / She kept riding him / She never checked on me / She never stopped kissing him / I should have known then.
Is it because I establish no boundaries / Is it because I love too much / I always knew in my gut this was coming / I just never wanted it to be us.
I am a magnet to tragedy / The only protection would be isolation / Would that not be a tragedy too?
This world has not been nice to me / It places people in my life who can choose to walk away / The key here is that they both knowingly made that decision / Is it something about me, or is it a shared trait between them?
My biggest fear is to be the person who leaves / To have the ability to turn my back on three beings who love me / Perhaps I bring out their selfishness / I give all of myself to this world /
To the calm evening sea that will sink a ship in the morning / To the rolling South Dakota hills that are bound to host tornados / To the craggy tipped Oregon mountains that are inevitably going to erupt / To the nimble cougar that will find its next meal / To the swaying shark that is going come in contact with a human again / To her naked ******* that are no longer mine to hold / To her sweet smile that is not mine to see.
She was my partner aimlessly / But alas I lost her to the wind / I was so afraid of losing her, I let her do whatever she wanted / I let go of the leash with the intent of enclosing history.
I wish I could go back / I would have just bought a longer ******* leash.
i awake upon brewing dawn - stinge of a last hit waltzes past my beloveds’ fingertips taunted with ash, and i succumb to hauntings
how i beckon with lost days overindulge in spoonfed daggers my blistered throat parallels zir inflamed ego suffocated deceptive, guilt - scripted coerced, apologizes escorted by fault down crimson carpets what a provocative
refusal of touch names me ****? but the other femme knows another, another i know well
the grim reaper looms amidst repressed dusk i plead for rising moons i appeal for reassurance query the harlot? i mustn’t
I want to gather us all up I want us to break all the glasses All the glasses on the floor Throw them down shattered and mixed And when you return you’ll walk in You say what’s all this I’ll point I’ll say see that that’s my heart Which part belongs to you you’ll say And I I will just walk away
your daughter. sitting across from you like im talking to a stranger. unknown. the man who gave me life, now treats me like i ruined his. he left me for a chick? a party? a bottle of cheap liquor? maybe a glass of reality may help you see your faults.. or are you gonna say their mine like you have time and time again? you know... i used to call your name in the night.. because of all my scary dreams..? little did i know those dreams WERENT dreams, but rather replays of the horror flick i call a life. you crawled in like an uninvited guest to a party of all my insecurities. you climbed up into my mind and controlled my words and actions so i don't "look suspicious" you while you stole from the store again. you stole my trust too. you lied. you cheated me out. you opened me up to things i didnt want to see. i shouldn't have been ABLE to see. is that what a father is? what is a father? does he make up for his threats with hollow sunken words? make up his absence with yet another gift? does he explain himself with excuses so you don't REALLY know? i know the truth now. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. remember our family? the broken one? the one that I HAD TO hold together for you? i think the snap of our family cracking was louder than a firecracker. it popped so loud that i couldn't do anything but listen to the ringing in my ear. it echoed like bittersweet memories i think about when i lay down to sleep. wait. what sleep? i don't sleep. i cant sleep. you've hooked your faith into my back like a grappling hook to a mountain. the rocks eroded by my tears. and its crumbling apart like my heart. im cleaning up the pieces and glass shards of love that you insisted i squeeze in my palms. but my palms can only hold so much. im holding all your baggage full of greed, lust, and pure carelessness. why didn't you care? why don't you care? when you left, i wondered what i did that drove you away. what did i have that made you SO eager to escape. was i not what you wanted? was it ME just in general.?? you didn't leave when Karlie was born. but when i came in the picture.. you disappeared into thin air. but the air you left wasnt clean you put toxins in my lungs. you promised to stop smoking years ago. the years that went so slow yet so fast. you 𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓻. you 𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻. you 𝓬𝓸𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓭 of a father. . and here i am. your daughter. sitting across from you like im talking to a stranger.
the taste of your faux honeyed words dripping fron the corners of your mouth convincing myself i was savouring nectar as i stared into your bright blue eyes wet as tar the hue so innocent so persuasive reminding me not to be so invasive
and when you leaned in to whisper "the only person i wish to marry is you" i cant help but wonder if you tell your other lover that too
One night I called you in distress My hands were not mine Nor the thoughts nor the mind My breath was missing And my room had distorted And my only comfort was you Your voice kept me grounded And I had to open my mind
And then you said "I like you more Than I think I should " Ignoring my heart Beating out my chest You continued to say "A break is in order For me and my lover" And I forbid it But it stayed in my head To idea of it all The idea of you leaving her for me
But then you forgot Every word you said As if it was light And easy to say And to forget But I couldn't do the same
So I'll try something new But similar to you I'll tell how I love you And then move on
I'll make your name Easy to say Easy to forget
Words you say like they are nothing more than that