It consumed my soul,
Every single day
Begun with you
Ended with you
You were so heavy to hold up,
All this disappointment building inside
Why wasn’t I enough?
Why her?
Or her?
Or her?
Each time
I kept the pain to myself
I told you I understood
Mistakes happen right?
You’d never hurt me again?
I still “believed you loved me”
I was so young back then
A fire raged in my heart,
Slowly burning it up
You tore me apart
I let you
Because I actually loved you.
japheth 6d
when people
call you
their home,
make sure
they don’t own
another one.

you’ll never know
if you’re just their
rest house
when things get bad
in their other house.
i hate cheaters
I keep on telling the truth,
You know, like you never do.
I call you by name and say
All I say about you is true.
I wrote poems about you,
What the hell do you want?
You ignore all I have said
You ignore all my taunts.

I want you to sue me
Then with proof that you lie
The world can finally rest
And bid you goodbye
As they drag your fat ass
Off to Leavenworth jail
Where you won’t have Twitter,
Internet or even email.

I hope you get convicted
As the Corrupter In Chief
Because you are nearly
The worst kind of public thief.
You steal from the poor
And have kidnapped children,
And you  think your cowardice
Is a secret and is hidden.

Daily I hope someone intelligent
Will go sue you for defaulting
On the promises you made us
That have been obviously insulting.
You broadcast your hatred for us if we
Are not rich, perverted Republicans.
Now you are reversing all the good
That decent people have done.

I am ashamed of the millions
Who act like you are Jesus
When it’s as plain as your nose
You are like an obese Rhesus.
I’m sorry so many people are nuts,
Too weak-minded to recognize
What an ugly fate for America
You are unveiling before their eyes.
Her 7d
i caught my father
cheating on my mother
the woman who picked
him up time and time again
the woman who raised
his three children
the woman who nursed
his open wounds

how am i suppose to forgive
or trust this man

when i am his blood
when i am his eyes
when i am his nose

i hate this body
get me the fuck out
all the things you said
that night at 2 am
the pain I left you with
shattering regret that follows me like my shadow
it is scratched into the walls of my mind
how horrible I am
for finding myself
in someone else.
how I let myself do this
to someone I lived for
for someone who's absence
once ceased my desire to wake
to eat
to live
I have told myself many times
that my crime is not punishable by death-
that lie is the only reason I can sleep at night.
it is the only way I can stand to be alone with myself.
it was all the fear that I would never really have you
that finally drove you away
i still love you and i still hate myself for it
Pyrrha Aug 3
You don't know me
The places I wanna see
The things I want to know
What I want to be told
No, you don't know me

You can't hold me
Or tell me everything's alright
When I know you hold her
Like you used to hold me

You tell her she's made of gold
You know her favorite food, her favorite dress
And all the other things
That you don't know about me

I know you've memorized
Her face, Her voice
Yet when you turn around
Can you even remember my name?

I guess it's too much ask
For redamancy these days
As loyalty has gone out the window
A word of the past

But you used to tell me
That I was made of gold
And that in your arms
I was only yours to hold
But your hands have roamed
So far away from me

And it's not fair
To make me watch
As you do with her
All you did with me

We used to talk about the future
But in a single heartbeat
You have changed our destiny

All those words of yours
Come back and haunt me
Everytime you called me beautiful,
Was it just practice for telling her?

Well you were right about one thing
I am made of gold
And that girl of yours
No matter how much you try
To mold her into me
She will only ever be pyrite
Just a cheap imitation
Of the treasure you will never hold
Pyrite is a very common mineral that is called fool's gold as many mistake it for gold.
El Aug 1
T he sheets feel colder on your side as the
R ain drums a primal beat on the fogged window
A nd my eyes begin to flicker shut
N eglected by your gaze.
S lowly, you slide your feet to the floor and I reach forward
P rovoked by the quickened beating in my chest.
A m I really present?
R eality succumbed to twisted reverie
E ven though my hands are flesh, you do not see me
N ot since thoughts of Her danced before your eyes
T hen I became TRANSPARENT
El Aug 1
Love that is almost dangerous
the thrill of the promise of tongue to lip
urges suppressed by caution
eventually removed like fabric from skin

I cannot tell
if your lustful mind orbits about me
if your bones ache for mine
if you bask in my presence, sculptor in awe of his creation

How do you see me?

Am I one night of desire?
satin sheets stale as the morning dew settles
and the sunlight scalds our eyes

Am I collision of past and future?
conceived in chaos
married in primal passion

Tell me if I urge the stars to align
in your misted eyes

Tell me if I'm yours

Because the liminal space I inhabit
Is making me
Transparent
In the question of reassurance.
The single solemn response cannot always end with one that causes
the most anxiety.
The involvement of social media, random dm's, the arrangement of severed ties mended with one thing in mind.
For these reasons insecurity deepens.
Eventually things fall apart.
It's not always about opening your mouth.
There are other ways to be vocal.
Silence becomes deafening.
Defeating the purpose of awareness.
Tempers quickly raise and often the things that aren't meant to be said come out.
Echoing the loudest.
Petty arguments, the excuses that lead us into the messages we're quick to hide.
Despite how much time we've invested, the easiest thing to do is walk away.
Anxiety becoming the fear that pushes us the furthest into ourselves.
It's not always easy.
Opening up,
vocalizing a single woe that begins the journey of a thousand,
if not more.
If forced, we too begin to shut down and contemplate the single best thing.
Being seen as selfish, self-centered.
Quick burst that justifies wrongful intent with one that's right.
It's all about support.
Care & understanding.
The saving grace that bonds the realization that either of us are perfect.
That there are deeper issues at hand that seep far beyond. 
the way we see ourselves, whether we are too big.
Too small, the things we find often too late, said behind our back.

outside of everything else do you truly understand the quality of reassurance.

the equivalent to the moment everything seems to come crashing down.

The times any slight movement brings us down the most.

Equally we both seek the same.

The response reflects the moment.
To defy standard and move to something meaningful.
At a point, the question deserves an answer.

Going in one ear, quickly coming out the other.

To vocalize seemingly in one direction unless the role is reversed
Hopeful Cynic Jul 31
I begged and begged and you said no,
Turned your back, said the feelings would go,
Fucked my way through a summer of fears,
But in the end found nowhere to end my tears.

Now you’re back, no we’re back,
And the good’s back with the bad right on track,
I feel love, I know you’re my “goals”,
But feeling loved I have not yet got, our story seems filled with holes.

This ain’t about that though, how much I want you to be my last,
It’s about a problem I’ve never had in the past,
The feeling to bury myself in many a willing hole,
The feeling to let someone else take care of my tired soul.

I want to be loved, I want it so bad,
My search for love was maybe selfish, just a tad,
Now I’m working on you, to be everything you could want,
But no matter how hard I try, you say there’s nothing you ever want.

It’s not your fault I’m helpless,
Only mine that I think you’re the best,
And I don’t listen when the world says let go, let it end,
I get right back up and start hoping again.

Compartmentalisation, you’re my ambition and my passion,
Recently though I’ve been tempted by temporary satisfaction,
Haven’t felt sexual desire for aught but you in weeks,
But emotional desire, for love returned, tenderness is what I seek.

Who knew this could ever be my weakness,
I hesitate at all to even speak this,
What I feel when you don’t answer my call,
Is a burning need for an answer from anyone else at all.

What is to cheat?
Is it only for bodies to meet?
Or can I have friends with intangible benefits who,
Love me unconditionally and would give me the moon.

“Friends” I shouldn’t lie,
To myself that is, sigh,
What they’d be is only used,
While I wait for you to grow into a person that’s not confused.

I’d throw them away, more persons hurt at my feet,
When all I really want is the sound of my name in your heartbeat,
Maybe it’s narcissistic, a selfish love at it’s worst,
But maybe it’s a good thing, my problem is emotional thirst.

And so I struggle, the fight is not lost nor won at all,
The fight to bear my emotional withdrawal,
All without looking for a cheap substitute,
When my dealer with the good stuff ignores my salute.
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