I begged and begged and you said no,
Turned your back, said the feelings would go,
Fucked my way through a summer of fears,
But in the end found nowhere to end my tears.
Now you’re back, no we’re back,
And the good’s back with the bad right on track,
I feel love, I know you’re my “goals”,
But feeling loved I have not yet got, our story seems filled with holes.
This ain’t about that though, how much I want you to be my last,
It’s about a problem I’ve never had in the past,
The feeling to bury myself in many a willing hole,
The feeling to let someone else take care of my tired soul.
I want to be loved, I want it so bad,
My search for love was maybe selfish, just a tad,
Now I’m working on you, to be everything you could want,
But no matter how hard I try, you say there’s nothing you ever want.
It’s not your fault I’m helpless,
Only mine that I think you’re the best,
And I don’t listen when the world says let go, let it end,
I get right back up and start hoping again.
Compartmentalisation, you’re my ambition and my passion,
Recently though I’ve been tempted by temporary satisfaction,
Haven’t felt sexual desire for aught but you in weeks,
But emotional desire, for love returned, tenderness is what I seek.
Who knew this could ever be my weakness,
I hesitate at all to even speak this,
What I feel when you don’t answer my call,
Is a burning need for an answer from anyone else at all.
What is to cheat?
Is it only for bodies to meet?
Or can I have friends with intangible benefits who,
Love me unconditionally and would give me the moon.
“Friends” I shouldn’t lie,
To myself that is, sigh,
What they’d be is only used,
While I wait for you to grow into a person that’s not confused.
I’d throw them away, more persons hurt at my feet,
When all I really want is the sound of my name in your heartbeat,
Maybe it’s narcissistic, a selfish love at it’s worst,
But maybe it’s a good thing, my problem is emotional thirst.
And so I struggle, the fight is not lost nor won at all,
The fight to bear my emotional withdrawal,
All without looking for a cheap substitute,
When my dealer with the good stuff ignores my salute.