Poor ol Michael Phelps, was cheated
the shark he raced, was CGI
he never got to meat it, or look it, in the eye
I think he was lied too, as he focused on the race
not aware or noticing, the shark, not in it's place
at the finish line, horror and confusion, must have reined
wondering if the shark, had jumped, into his lane
My banker's name, was happy Ray "Cash" Donahue
he took money from me, as he would, from you
living his wonderful life
in Mexico, banging my wife
he took away all of my strife, and he doesn't, have a clue
My wife left me for my banker, Ray
I talked to him, the other day
his heart full of so much grief
he's got in sight, no relief
he's dirty damn rotten thief, my wife, my revenge, you could say
The boss took today, to do his home repairs
we took the chance to laugh, then doing office dares
We did races in the halls, using the conference chairs
we danced in the cubicles, like we didn't, have a care
We drank up all the coffee, and put tacks upon his seat
drew mustaches on his pictures, and on his desk, kicked up our feet
We broke open his Glenlivet, the bottle of founders reserve
we drank it till the office closed, we had, a lot of nerve
On the morrow, we'll all be in, extremely much too late
hungover, and exhausted, trying to keep our faces, strait
Joe Schwartz had a great job at Goldman Sachs,
But he hadn't had sex for a long time
He really didn't believe that Sexual Abstinence
Was too good for his health.
His wife, Marlene
Walked out on him
In favor of a Soho Artist name "Raul'
Who was 15 years her junior
Because she said that Joe had
Joe was seeing a Psychiatrist,
Even when he talked to the psychiatrist,
He felt all
Many of his office mates,
Including Shlomo Silverstein,
An Orthodox Jew,
Had very high regard for a hooker named "Sheba".
So, Joe decided to check her out.
Her Studio was in a back alley
Perpendicular to another alley.
It was a bit hard to find.
When he arrived, a friendly Black Woman
In a bright yellow dress opened the door.
It put Joe at ease
Because he had never solicited prostitution before.
Sheba sat down across from him
Just like any other Health Care Professional would.
"Now, Mr. Schwartz.'
"What brings you here today?" she asked.
Joe Schwartz had never been asked such a direct question
By a prostitute.
So, he felt a bit awkward.
"Well," he stammered.
"I think I need a release."
Sheba was a bit put off by this response.
"Do I look like a Chiropractor to you?" she asked Joe
Sheba smiled and continued to speak
"Mr. Schwartz, don't you have any fantasies about me?'
When Sheba smiled,
Joe could see that she had perfect teeth.....
Better than most of the guys in the Office.
"Ms. Sheba," Joe sighed.
"I don't have any fantasies about anyone right now."
"I just don't give a damn about anything any more."
"That's why I'm here."
"Hmm," Sheba thought deeply/
"I'm not the type of girl to take advantage of my customers."
"I want you to read this book and see this doctor."
"He's a comrade of mine."
"Then, when you have a fantasy you can share with me,"
"Please return, and Mr. Shwartz,"
"And we can 'Do Business'"
"If you know what I'm saying?"
So, Joe Shwartz took the business card and the book
And walked back out into the alley.
The business card was for
"Minh Nguyen D.C.",
And it said on it,
"I'll can give you a release!"
The book was the Jewish Study Bible
And a bookmark had already been placed in it
At the location of
The Song of Songs.
Tell Dr Blood it's Mrs Bloomsbury;
He always sees me right away;
He's such a wonderful doctor - so much
Better than that Doctor Day.
What the devil are you incinerating,
I consider your tone a right cheek,
I've not bothered you for ages; I've
Not phoned for at least … a week.
But this is an emergency;
Yes of course it's serious,
I'm sweating, shivering, sneezing
And feel quite delirious.
I'm running a terrible temperature,
I'm covered all over in spots,
My body aches from head to toe,
My muscles all tied up in knots.
My heart's got the palpitations,
Though I've still got a pulse - it's quite weak;
My poor throat's ever so red and sore,
It's increasingly hard ... to ... speak,
My eyes are all glazed and weepy,
My ears are infected and blocked,
I think there's a chill in my kidneys
And my joints have all stiffened and locked.
My stools - are alarmingly liquid,
My water's grey, misty and strong,
I'm suffering pins and needles, in fact ...
I don't think I've got very long.
He can see me on Thursday morning,
An appointment for half-past-ten,
But that’s no good at all to me ...
I'll be better again - by then!