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hannah 8h
we could feel the pressure before the
bombs hit,
and the way the sky shifted, a shadow of coal
hurdling its urging body towards an impending color of red;
from not the dim decay of a setting sun
but the weeping of our bodies
in the same moment the buildings would fall.

we could feel the cradle in earth
where we lay embalmed in dissected cement,
in open cracks teeming desperate-child arms.
it was silent, lasting only a moment
before our ears would adjust,
before a wave of awareness hit us,
worse than a bomb, worse than the remains of our homes,
resting against our toes,
because we knew those screams,
we became familiar with them.

and it was dusk, but above it was covered in light,
as our bodies were put to bed,
without our mothers, without our fathers;
but a blanket of ash to cover us,
and we'd choke on the particles
as it swarmed it's nails into our throats,
and we wouldn't breathe - we couldn't even conjure up the thought.

cries in our language were not known beyond these borders
but they were heard between a choir of people,
a bundle of bodies in a father's arms, as he kissed his sons goodbye


min faDlik…

…min faDlik
i still remember syria
Marissa 22h
Cure me
Hurried energy
Churn inside
Exploding through flying limbs
Arching back

Turn me around
And around
And around

Stop

Soft fingertips
Caressing the air
Silk against my skin
Wrap me in comfort
Catch me
Safety net

Anxious thoughts
You cannot reach me
I am empty
Music fills my gaping soul

Every nerve
Connected
Intertwined
Stretching to each distal end
Drawing thoughts
Swirling through each wire
Conducting electric currents
Bursting out with each
Articulated
Isolated
Movement

These thoughts lay dead on the floor

Collapsing
Gasping
Sweating
I have won

I am alive
A great dancer once told me that she continues to dance because it is cheaper than therapy
Why should I hold it in?
Is my heart an inn?
Why should I not say when I have been hurt?
Will you only learn the evil your shunning made me do when I become a member of the dreaded cults?

Why can I not cry too?
Why does my pains have to be kept mute?
Will you only see the pain in my perforated heart after I go home
Beyond this phase, transcendence into the metaphysical zone?

I am human,
Born of skin and bone
Not made of rocks and stones
I have a right to be sad.

So why will you tell me to hide my face,
Beneath the dwellings of the bed sheet
And under the railing of my own skin
Why, I still wonder why?

If you can tell me your pain
Maybe I can ease you by telling you the shame coming out to tell the world what boys suffer brings to my name.

From your friend that cares,
©Emmiasky Ojex
Your words will either mar or heal someone.

We are boys, not stones.
I was already broken, and I needed my friends,
Another relationship had come to an end,
So I went to a party where I met you, two men,
In hindsight, I wish I didn't go and had just stayed in.

Late at night I was trying to sleep,
Yet you both followed me like lost sheep,
Inviting yourselves into the bed,
My "no"'s giving you the go ahead.

You acted like all I needed was encouraging,
As if no means "sure let's just keep on going!",
After a while, I even moved to another bed,
Yet you saw that as a sign to follow me instead.

2 on 1, your advance had begun,
I felt empty, devoid of all expression,
I was your doll for you to do with as you please,
I laid there as you added me to your trophies.

One of you is done and I think it might be over,
Yet the other said it was "unfair" for him not to quiver,
I wanted to forget so I could recover,
Then days later told "its only banter".

Did you think it was a game?
That getting *** would lead you to fame?
I know that straight after you went and told your friends,
As if I was an object or a means to an end.

When I asked you to stop gossiping your medal,
You blamed, insulted and implied that I was viral,
After it all that was the first time I cried in shame,
Because somehow, you made me believe I was the one to blame.

It's only now, years later, I realise it was wrong,
The "me too" movement has my mind dropping truth bombs,
The more I think about it the more I might explode,
These mental scars of trauma are all I have to show.

Do you know what its like to constantly think about?
To try every day to block it all out?
You probably don't even know or think about what you've done,
My body was just an object, a conquest that you won.

I don't know how long my mind will be haunted,
I still have to come to terms with being assaulted,
It's a brand my body and soul will always bear,
Except now I get freedom and hope from prayer.

Because my *** is great, and He forgives all sin,
And it is through him that I have gained new skin,
"Forgiving one another, as *** in Christ forgave you",
It is by him and for him that I forgive you.
hey babe. it's been a while.
how is chicago?
school is great.
i see my friends' smiles every day, so full of promise and love.
i date girls and they are beautiful and i make them anxious which makes me That *****.
i do homework and it is interesting and difficult.
i do therapy and it is interesting and difficult.
i drink and smoke and make bad decisions and live with them.
i love people openly and i love people quietly and i dislike people at a moderate volume.
i sing when no one is listening. i call vincent and rachel and sophia and i tell them about the view here and how the weather is so nice all of the time. i message kids back home and support them as they go through all that we went through. i watch movies with girls who look like you and talk like you and make love like you.
and in all of these things,
not once do i miss you.
kisses!
i need you
i crave you
it's the only way i survive
you are my weakness i desire your control

in this space
down on my knees
this is where i belong
this is home my home

only you know how to satisfy
this hunger inside of me
i'm you little blackbird
you love to make me scream

who would have thought
through all this pain
my truth would be exposed
you did...

you knew me better than i knew myself
you saw my confusion
in the way i came crawling back to you

the needing
the bleeding
i'm conditioned
to always want more

but you make me wait...
Like I said before I remember
and I did leave because I was scared
but I also left because
you were selfish and self-centered

you are not the girl that you pretend to be
I chose him out of necessity
I always knew that it was wrong
yet at the time it felt right

my heart still knows that it belongs to you
I couldn’t put my heart in the hands of another
but honestly I don’t know why
all you’ve ever done was lie to me

I can't let you go
I’ve tried …
Across the way lights flicker in the darkness calming my mind
lulling me to sleep like a sweet lullaby
with your poison running through my veins
i can't come down i'm off in the clouds

you pervade into my void
making me a reflection of your own identity
your throbbing dagger is merciless
no-one will ever hurt me more
you won't accept any less

i watch as the shadows begin to
transform and transpire behind you
on this bed made of glass and stone
i realize i'm in an illusion more
merciful than the reality
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