they say love will always start with illusion
but as we had made our way home
the streetlights had shined on
what was really on the inside
it shined on your soul
and its shadows covered
all of the doubts
that i ever had

it was almost an instinct
because when i had looked over
and saw you in the midst of
your tranquility
you beamed and bloomed with colors
that i swore i’d never seen before
everything had gracefully clicked
and fallen in the very right place

i had promised myself, then
that my love for you
would go on until the end of time
even if yours didn’t
even if your love was meant
for someone else
i had devoted myself to you,
i wanted to give you all of me
and i wanted to be the one to give you
the love you had always deserved

in that moment
was a compilation of every other moment
that lead to this one
that lead to me realizing
that it was you
who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with
[written to “meeting points at 2AM” by dné]
I am to blame.

I am to blame for all I have done.
I cannot blame you for the fallen sun.
The rain is not dependent on your independence.
I am to blame for you being gone.

I am to blame for never thinking of you enough.
I am to blame for never loving you truly.
I am to blame; I should have been good.
I am to blame;
You can see right through me.

I have worn a mask to disguise my reflection in the mirror.
It is time to remove the mask;
It is time to see clearer.
The man in the mirror is not a ghost, he is me.
I am to blame for everything.

I am to blame for never changing,
Into what you needed me to be.
I am to blame for you leaving.
I am to blame.
I have to see.
I can no longer blame you,
Because you chose to leave me.

(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Aa Harvey 11h
A tear for your love

Love will end, as it begins.
If the passion of arguing is what originally drew you in,
Then so it will be, as love explodes…in the end.
You will lose your will, to keep on trying…to pretend.

If the lure of adultery,
Was your first thought, so wrong for me,
Then an affair is how your love will end;
All that which could have been, never to be again.

If you were friends at first and eventually love bloomed,
Then you will part with such sweet sorrow;
You will not be consumed,
With jealousy, or hateful words.
You will each realise you have reached the stop sign
And you will each go your own way with true feelings heard.

What will be, will be and what feels wrong will go wrong.
Have you never listened to the billions of love songs?
We are all beginners, until we become winners
And when you see the checkered shirt flag waving,
You will either have found your way,
Or you will be left lost for words,
As you each sit in silence, eating your dinner.

We all ask for direction in our search for love,
But nobody can tell you, which love will guarantee you feel good.
Only you can decide which love feels right…
I will still believe in true love,
No matter how many times,
Love leaves me to cry.

(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
The sound of a new song, in a genre you can't remember.
It's new. It's you, too, and that's the smile of it all.
The feeling of puzzle pieces fitting together.
Even when the picture on the box isn't what you create.

I miss when you'd wish for me on every eyelash, and star.
When spilled milk from your Canadian bags,
made me laugh like every usual American boy.
And my laughter made you laugh.
And then we'd get lost in the sounds and infectious
nature of love.

You wore joy like a hospital bracelet. It'd slip off,
your thin wrists, and I'd put it back. As a reminder,
that this is where you belong. In my arms as escape
from the busy throng of busier life and anxieties.

We used to hear excitement in each other. The passions
the beliefs. The strangeness of love on a shifting divide
of borders. Though on the same continent you felt
a world away, yet together in my room. I miss that decency.

The first thing I did when I heard you were gone was check Skype.
My emails. My phone. My texts. Our everything was still there.
The messages. The emoticons. The stories. The pictures.
The links.
Like you actually existed once. Not a delusion.
Your mother still calls me, did you know that?
I care for her as I can, but she needs a daughter's love.

Remember that afternoon when we both prayed,
that our skies would both be clear. And then that night,
we talked on the phone and watched the meteors.
We named them silly things,
"Pupper's Rocket Blast"
We were strange folk.
Now I'm alone.

I don't think my friends think you existed.
Like how I doubted you once after you died.
That was my grief, but to them, I'm just a lonely guy.
Not above a lie.
I wish other people knew you. I wish I could talk to them.
I wish I could live you through them. I wish I had closure.
We made a wish for clear skies,
You made a wish for me to see,
what you could make out behind some clouds,
that I had created out of thin air.
But when I wish, they're dogeared pages on a book we shared.
how is it
that in this world
so full of love and life
we cannot be

our souls
will never match
our futures
may never cross

the sound of your voice
is an unclear echo
at the end
of a very dark chasm

but the image of you
the you that loved me
the you that held me
is burned into my memory

but still
we may never again be us
i may never again be yours
who we were is not who we are now

i saw him today... why do i do this to myself?
You made me feel
open to a possibility of comfort
(health security peace privateness)
the things written in vows, letters from far away,
in whispers under hazy morning sunlight,
those kind of moments I wish I could keep
hold of and only with you.
She sits naked on the floor
Picking songs and sipping
On her warm beer

I smoke by the window
At a new lover's distance
Watching her intermittently

The city is still
It's 3a.m.
Our bodies
Are spent on each other
The bedsheets still wet
With our sweat

After the fire
We separated
Into component pieces

She combed her hair
In the mirror
As I poured cold water

Over myself
And pissed
With the bathroom door
Left open
My cock
Still a little hard

I could hear her sing
As I toweled myself
Watched the last of the water

Fall into the drain
And for the first time
I could remember

I did not have to try
There was no rush
There was nowhere

I needed to be
I believe
I believe
I believe in you
If I say it enough I’ll know it’s true
Like the sight of the morning hue
Or the sounds of people in the afternoon
Something you know it’s always there without further proof

But then you started talking
Your tongue told me lies in my mouth, I believed everything it was saying
I cried by your words creating rivers that you denied fueling the flooding
Your smile left a nasty cut so sharp that I could feel your lies bleeding
Believed you’re beside me, feeling you in the dark, hoping you won’t be moving

I believe
I believe
I believe in you
You say to me but I know it’s not true

© Sofia Villagrana 2018
It could have been...
should have been...                
It might have been...

But it's gone now.
You're gone.

Just like the spring has kissed winter goodbye.
And soft snowflakes melted into rain drops.

You disappeared before I had the chance to see how beautiful you really are.
And now it's just too late.

Like the seasons change, your mind did too.

It's late April
The weather is more like fall though
Melting snow and dry foliage
Autumn reminds me of you

We celebrated Halloween together
Pumpkin farms and feeding goats
Themed parties that didn't go right
Streaming tears in your basement
And I knew exactly how to help you

Video games on cold nights in our onesies
You singing to me
Echoing across the practice room walls
Our song
It meant so much to you and I felt it too

Something changed when I fell in love
With someone else
I still loved you too though
You thought I had commitment issues
Maybe I do
Maybe I don't
I don't want to go there now

I still remember the good times we had
It hurts to think about them now
But whenever I'm in town
I hold my breathe because I'm scared to see you
I'm scared to look closer at our relationship
I panic when it smells like October
Because it reminds me of you
Of us
And I'm too scared to think about how that makes me feel
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