So you left
You took off with them without looking back.
I have always had feelings for you,
Though you may not know what you have,
Through it all, I follow you, future, past,
To the ends of all time, space and the earth,
For it is my part,
And would impart my breath, my fire, my heart.
I just dream to be closer to you, more and more.
I wish only to share my experiences, life with you,
Though these tender moments are not understood
We share a bond that is unlike anyone's.
It's what I keep on living for.
Maybe you won't understand in this lifetime or the next,
But I would die for you, I would live for you,
For all time I would be everything for you,
To know you is to love you, but a part of everything,
I would do it all over and over again...without regret...
Oh time, our defining measure,
How you precede history itself,
Oh time, your objectivity,
How you govern all current's of that gushing river of our lives,
Upstream to new horizons, downstream to the forgotten,
our moments lie inescapable of your perpetual conscious,
Oh time, your rampant tests,
Your ability to flourish mere illusions of aspirations,
To build bridges, of solid foundation,
To establish homes, of kindly salvation,
Why must these dreams be a breath of reality all so brief,
To dismantle this world, leaving man only in grief,
Oh time, beneath the murky surface of that river I await,
Whatever is it you are to instil as my impending fate
After a while, you forget the kisses shared.
It is as if they were barely even there.
And after some time, you forget the lips
and all the promises that from them slipped.
It's like forgetting your first taste of liquor
or forgetting the burning sensation.
It's like forgetting her perfect figure
or forgetting his sweet vocal modulation.
And in the blink of an eye
all the memories go down the drain
with sad sorrows and goodbyes
being the only things to remain.
you make me remember sunsets;
how the reds and pinks and oranges
flowing one to the other.
the sun takes a final bow
before rising tomorrow for another
you make me forget demons;
how they are out to haunt me
and take on many forms.
some old friends,
but all are there nevertheless.
they were there,
not anymore, not with you.
you make me remember flowers;
roses, daisies, tulips.
fields upon fields of
flowers were never my favorite
until I saw the way you looked at one
and I fell in love with flowers
like I fell in love with you.
you make me forget darkness;
you make me see the light.
seeing the ways of nature
was never there until I saw you.
you make me remember that
nature in solitude was pretty,
but nature with you is
echoes of bloody ghost town mysteries
devolving into our lonely synergy
where we can constantly misdemean each other in our gutter schemes
of battling anger with dreams,
never again to split the seams,
never again to be seen
please, hear my plea.
i never knew what we could or couldn't be.
i just wish you could see me
i am what you almost are and yet everything you're not,
tie my tongue, twist my heart, knot it up and let it rot
"maybe i'll get shot" we stockpiled musings on dying young,
seemingly out of all the time we thought we bought
you are an alleyway thought bay,
forever haunting me enough to keep all my other ghosts away
"the world is ending in all my dreams"
i crushed what i had left of you, you'd never let me stay
we were a walking paradox, never nothing,
always but a dream never to be siezed
what a lonely synergy
Happy Birthday, Daddy Dear
Happy birthday once again,
Daddy dear. April fifteen,
And you’re not here to share it
For you died so many years ago.
(the year before we reached two thousand).
But the fifteenth rolls around
And somehow sounds a chord inside me.
This year happens to be
Easy to remind myself.
You would have been one hundred nine –
As age today.
But still you went celestially.
I hope you’re happy
As I wish you happy birthday anyway.
So with a happy memory,
I’ll say happy goodbye
A hopeful, happy day.
Happy Birthday, Daddy Dear 4.15.2017
Birthday Book; Love Relationships II;
Caged birds maneuver,
Through metallic bars,
Vying for seed,
Hidden in the owner's hand.
Do you think,
The caged bird dreams of flying high?
Of life and freedom,
The flow of wind.
From the dog trapped in the house,
To the man trapped in prison,
I think most dream of freedom,
From the bars and walls of the gilded cages,
Built by humanity, the race which impedes freedom.
For a creature's own apparent good.
dried up skulls
with motionless eyes
pulled out of their sockets
lie about on forgotten land
as more are placed in
the jars, already filled with other
dusty, dirt covered eyeballs.
the strangely clean glass containers
in which the eyes are placed
stand on wood shelves,
b e g g i n g,
to be set free
from the trap of the elderly,
blind man's clutches.
Are like as if
It had occurred to us
Before... Forcing us
Haven't I had this before?
Aren't they familiar?
Is life a repeating
Cycle of thoughts
Some so fresh
A bit of taste as we
Have tasted before
in the past
in any other lives??
I had too many things in boxes
Shut for too long.
I had the doubts hidden in the memories
And the faces I tried to recall.
I let them all sit in darkness
As they pounded my mind
Slowly I let go of it
And I preferred driven mad inside.
My heart was all I listened to,
I must have forgotten
How the beats were mine
and mine replied.
All the questions I repeated
But never asked you once,
Two possibilities I believe -
I thought I knew them all
Or that I was scared of what I didn't .
Now you have left my heart all empty
Too empty and I'm unable to have it shut.
The boxes have spilled over
And I stare at them
Strewn across my feet.
They are brown and bland and boring
As I used to be,
Insides are the truths
I denied my heart to see.
They lie so lifeless and dark
I am scared of its sight,
You have left me where I once had lived
But now I am scared of the things I see.
They are the remains of my heart
All broken and hidden for so long,
But they are the only truths of me
And I hid them from you, all.
My heart was a fool
Always have been,
It tried to win you over
But my mind was what stood of the truth.
Now you are gone
And the boxes have all fallen
Off the shelf and off the rack,
My mind is now all empty
And I can fill it with the world.
I should have shown you those
Maybe you would have been gone long ago
Now my heart is all vacant
It gave away echoes of your words.
I sit here now staring
Upon memories and memories
They resemble so much of the lies I know
I am almost afraid
Of the truth taking over.
I learnt my lesson
I learnt the truth ,
My mind has spilled over
And stained all that I knew.
I stuff my heart with boxes
Boxes I will never use,
They have your words and your promises
That you have kept
And my mind is now open
And harbors the truths I knew
-you would leave,
You would forget,
We will live as if we never met.
There is one box though
I don’t know what to do with
Whether to give you
Or have it hid,
It says the thing I never said ,
The one truth that overlaps doubts
And each and each possibility we would regret.