Beware, he kisses

beside my cheek nowadays --


as if I am air.

in a downpour of rain.
the world fades away in a flash
of white.
the rain slants and drizzles,
Beginning to fill the gaps of potholes.
And crooked cracks left empty
against the pavement.
the drivers behind
the wheels of their cars
turn their windshield wipers
on high, to no avail.
Their wipers constantly beaded
down, covered white.
Fading away.
the downpour is too heavy.
the rain is too heavy.
It's thuds bead down
against the metal car roofs.
my heart too sways in the wind.
Pinged and drenched,
caught in the downpour of how your
heart's whispers have turned to screams.
rain-soaked tears unveiled to fill the
gaps of all things missing.
including the distance between you and I.
Soon, I too will errupt and overflow.
Fading away in a flash of white

i wasn’t looking
for a friend
but i found one

life had
mostly become
a joke to me
never taking anything
seriously
and constantly
feeling numb

and somehow
i have seen
a bit of sunshine
recently
even though
i know
it likely won’t be mine
because, let’s face it
life’s just not
that kind
to me

but just connecting
a little bit
and coming to find
that maybe i’m not
as alone in this world
as i feel like
i am
is enough to
make me
try to see
what tomorrow
has in store
for me

outer space
never felt
so
far away
as the day
i learned
your name
but i wouldn’t have it
any
other way
because the world
isn’t big enough
to keep me away

good morning
good day
goodnight

it’s nice
to have
a little taste of you
in my life

the way
you pronounce things
paints a big,
dumb smile
across my face
you are
far
beyond adorable
in… well,
let me count the ways

you make
a lot
more sense
than
most of
the people
i spend
my time with
and i wish
more folks
had just
a bit of
common sense

i want to gaze
deep into
your eyes
and feel them
piercing
into me
as flecks
of sunlight
shimmer over
both
of
us
bringing light
to the shadows
of this
strange place
in which
we both
seem to be

hi,
hello,
it’s nice
to greet yee
maybe
one day
if we’re lucky
i’ll give you a hug
and you’ll say
that
it’s nice
to
meet me

distance is a strange thing
it’s just floating there,
putting space
between us
for no good reason
teasing us with feelings
only to keep a barrier
wedged in the middle
so that we can learn
about each other
while still disallowing
us from actually touching

perhaps the universe realizes
that it would be
too much
we’d likely cause a reaction,
an explosion
making a disruption in the flow
of time
and space
we may be too much
for this world to handle
and maybe that’s why
we live so far apart
it’s a test of the mind
and a bigger test
of the heart
where do i start?
i guess the only place to begin
in a situation like this
is “shut up and marry me”

How can I claim to love you with everything in me and it still not be enough
I want a love straight off the pages
For you to look at me  
To see me for everything that I am and
that I want to be and that we are
A love you cannot stop thinking about
Gaze longingly at me and know with everything
in you that I am it

Instead I beg, plead
with my eyes with my tears with my closeness
I can be ruthless  
Show you the pieces of me I keep secrets with and leave them as gifts at your altar
Hide away the longing to feel burned as your palms near my skin
Concede with bitter acceptance that I do not feel scorched in return

Perhaps it is me that is broken
Want is not enough I need
I want to feel your hum from inside my veins
I need to know you want this too

When I bring myself to peak at night
it’s not you I see
I do not crave your skin or smell or feel
I do not need your eyes to translate
words you never say
As I run a hand over my own flesh imagining
what it’s meant to feel wanted
I remember how you don’t, how you didn’t and how in spite of me knowing this you insist that you do

I have been there before, and it scared me
Enough to push the tightness away giggling
as I remind myself this is no hard cover
      That words can’t leave imprints on skin
      That touch doesn’t tingle or buzz or burn
Petrified me in place as I begged for just one more kiss with the slightest shift of my gaze to yours
      Held my breath for your consideration
      Gasped at the slightest touch of you against me
Consumed so much these days you can still hear barely above a whisper me pleading for it

I'm expectant and

I'm ready to write it down:


the northern lights, there!

there is a gold lighter on the kitchen counter.
it doesn't mean anything
but it still burns with the heat of the last time it
was alive.
i pocket it.  i will try it later, when i am alone,
and watch it's smoke curl in to the crevices of the endless sky.


outside there is a dais and my family are spread across it like a luxurious french tapestry.  
it is fraying, though.
or maybe it always was.



i am colder than i was here, last year.
every spring we gather to remind each oher
that we should see each oher more, shouldn't we?
i am planted in this polite, vacuous soil of words.
a bulb submerged, fat and waiting in the earth.
i am waiting to grow.  to turn my face up, and away.
last year there were more of us, i'm sure;
but i can't recall the names
faces
of those that aren't here.

we are measuring our decline like an hourglass-
with each new year we are one less, one less.