I crave your hair that I never got stroke.
Oh, how would it feel to have you caress mine.
I crave your hands that I never got to hold.
Oh, how would it feel to interlock them with mine.
I crave your lips that I never got to touch.
Oh, how would it feel to have them meet mine.
I crave you, your everything, your all.
Oh, how would it feel to finally call you mine.
I'd rather shed tears every night
Than to cry even in broad daylight
Because I'd be lost and broken inside
If we give up on us without a fight
I'd rather shed tears every night
Missing you so much at midnight
But I'm lucky our worlds did collide
Being with you just feels so right
I'd rather shed tears every night
Longing to finally hold you tight
Even if you're not by my side
You still love me with all your might
it's 5am & im having trouble sleeping tonight
since you aren't here.
so i'm just listening to cigarettes after sex
& all my favorite moody songs in our room,
in the dark, with my headphones pushed into my ears.
it's kind of peaceful & beautiful & dark,
but it's not the same as when you're here.
i can feel your soft, smooth skin still slightly lingering on my fingertips,
yearning to feel your warmth against my body.
i can smell your fragrance next to my flushed cheek
as i press my face into my teddy bear,
he's wearing your cologne sprayed shirt.
i slowly scroll through the few photographs i've claimed of you
& with a steady smile on my lips,
i dream of a day you could finally see yourself as beautiful as i perceive you.
my heart is with you, doing all the things i'm unable to do here.
i'm unable to hear you say "i love you too" & "goodnight" in your sleepy deep voice,
unable to adore you as i stroke your forehead
& nuzzle into the curve of your neck,
unable to giggle & kiss your cheek
as your hand searches for me in your sleep,
unable to turn over & feel you pull me in tightly, close to your chest,
unable to awaken to see your sleepy morning face
& watch your lips slowly curl into a half-smile as i tease you by mocking your morning caveman grunts,
unable to see your beautiful bright blue eyes staring back into mine
as you finally open them
& i hear you say "good morning" softly...
but my heart is there, holding you, kissing you, cherishing you, protecting you.
although it's so difficult to sleep without you
& it pains me to see your side of the bed, empty,
i swallow my sadness & breathe deeply for the moment i get to see you again.
for the moment i will hold you tight in my arms, kiss your soft loving lips
& see your lighthearted smile once more.
& when i can't sleep, i just write poems
about how i miss you & love you & how breath-taking you are to me.
you know i've always had a way with words,
always been able to write pages describing anything & everything
so it touches the mind or the heart.
& now, here they are, all my words,
inspired but clumsily strung together
even your absence inspires the best of my words to come forth
like an endless love song
& i'm blessed that you are in my life.
i'm blessed & honored to belong to you.
it's 5:30am & it's difficult to sleep without you.
so i write about you, to keep your essence here with me long enough for me to sleep.
I haven't as yet deleted your number. I sometimes open your chat window and the last time we talked blinks as an old, old date. Reminding me every time how it's not the time to still stay. That I should move on much like you did, but then you never cared enough in the first place.
I miss you a little because you left a part of yourself here. I told you I would miss you and I wasn't wrong. One thing I'm especially proud of is never claiming false love or promising you lands I couldn't ever let you enter. But you did that, and I hope someday guilt eats at you.
You lied about love!
I could look into your mesmerizing eyes
and see your bright warm smile in person
instead of interpreting it in a text message.
To hear the words uttered from your soft lips, unfiltered.
And not as a digital voice through my phone that I'm trying to listen to with my headphones to intensify the sound.
To feel your presence, to touch your body with my own hands
Instead of plainly touching you with my words.
To smell your perfume on you
Instead of keeping a bottle with the liquid in my closet.
I wished my senses were attuned to you in distance...
black hair glows brown
touched by sunlight
eyes like chocolate
voice like honey
can't wait to see you
time ticks by
slower than the turtle
he was supposed to win the race
i can't wait to see you
i miss you
i love you
please call soon
if you showed anyone every word i ever wrote to you, i think they would assume that i was lying
but if they looked at it my way they'd know it would be a shame that a "friendship" can be so blinding
and we both know each try at space is always met with such disdain, but even so, can you really blame me
for trying anyway, eternal nights and pointless days, to lighten up the load i am fated to carry
and ever since we first met i've been fixated upon my regrets while you carelessly toss yours behind your shoulder
your lack of love for me is like a monster from which i flee, for if i'm caught, i know that it will destroy me
and it is certain, as certain as wisps of hope and grey smoky prayers can be
that although distance clambers before us, the moon as i see it is the same for you
the days and the nights and the schedules – to hell with them
for all i know we are breathing together, we are inhaling and exhaling as one
two bodies, as one in our mind’s eye
and i cannot help but to feel over every pore what it feels like when your hand flattens against my neck
it burns through my skin even as i sit here, eyes closed to a bright sphere which passed your vision hours earlier
i shudder as the sweet burn runs through me like honey straight from the jar
sugar travels fast and far, on the backs of trillions of ants like stars splayed across the earth
and the earth is just a canvas where we paint our struggles
though i hum at the bursting sparkles above many atmospheres
they do not keep an account of the way your tongue creeps past your lips and onto mine
only the earth knows the way our gaits come together and our bodies exist at the same level
stretched out between us, from one son’s antennae to another’s
the Queen entertains stories of those eyes that i miss, thick black crescents soft against my face
things immeasurable, things untold, things i do not own
you only share these with me but my access to the feelings they leave behind is limitless
the distances i would travel for you to remind me of what i already know, is something the moon understands
despite all else
it is heavy and slow but it always returns, waiting for the inevitable yet dynamic
if you tell me tomorrow what i want to hear today, i’ll get your message on time
just whisper it with those rosy lips of yours and my ears will open their arms to you
better yet, scream you love me into the quiet night sky and the sun will vibrate, causing the moon to chuckle
the ants will find me first
i sit here and i echo
i love you i love you i need you i’m with you i crave you every breath
until we breathe no longer i’ll say it and i’ll listen
we only speak it in breaths apart
i want those words, oh how i need to hear them in person
and i’ll swim oceans and levitate just to hear you again
tell me what i already know
i’m listening with my lungs