It shouldnt be this way,
Is what I think i'd hear you say,
For this is a "developed country",
Or at least - it thinks that way.

So then why am I leaving,
To find help somewhere else?
To a country still developing,
A country that needs help itself.

Out of sheer desperation,
That is why im going,
To the people I love and care for,
And as an attempt to heal myself.

I gave them one last chance,
Ive explained, Ive asked for help,
I was shocked and did get close,
Yet that plan failed, there's no help.

This is the state of our services.
And to be seen in the area struggling most,
Yet here I am again,
Back where I started yet again.

It seems there is no money,
It seems there is no help,
Of course it depends on your "problem"
But for me, it seems there's no hope.

The world looks up to this land,
With its Health Service to be proud of,
But seriously, where is it??
Two years later, ive not found it.

So I will return to South Africa,
Where services are yet more stretched and underfunded,
But with patience and perseverance,
There can at least be a way forward.

Im fortunate due to the exchange rate,
It fills me with guilt no end,
For not all can access the help they need,
I dont have much, but they cant afford it, I can.

The public system is slow of course,
But that does not bother me,
For when I finally see someone -
They treat me with respect and dignity.

It may not be for everyone,
But South Africa is a last chance for me,
I know I can get some treatment at least,
And some of it is free.

It may not fix me completely,
For I will probably not have time,
But what am I doing here?
I've got nowhere, in all this time....

Yes it will not be easy,
Life in a Township never is,
But what it does give me is hope...
And with that - it allows me to "live".

.....I have not "lived" for 2 years. All I have done is "exist"....

Good night. x

Sunday morning coupon clippings
like breathing for gasps of the air
while out there
the beads of rain
necklace the silky spiderweb
and all they want to do is decapitate,
amputate and castrate
a piece of you.
to hack off what’s been given
like a bull in Cambodia,
to surgically remove what’s been earned
with an incision of accuracy.
ah yes, the prairie state- land of crucifixion:
everyone on the cross with black blood streaming down their cheeks
it’s like roaming through the jungle
of machine guns blazing
from behind the trees
and slugs whizzing by your ears
with feet failing to trudge
through the battlefields
of dead bodies at dusk
and arms raised waving the white flags
we all enter en masse
receiving less than half
putting up with twice as much
like products of the tombs
working twice as hard
plus some illegal activity
on the side just to drown
in their inflationary sludge
we can’t even afford to walk
across the room anymore
so often times you’ll find me
lying down
twisted in the sheets
feeling as comfortable
as a Picasso painting
with nowhere else to go
nowhere else to turn to
except dreaming of death
in the minarets of my past
and gently plucking lilacs
from the garden of my love.

Clasping the foil of your cascading words
I pull as much as I can, then use my arm
To cut in ninja style,only to reboot your vocal chords
I seek the meaning in them,I mean no harm.

There's never time to stay and float on summer breeze
Sunshine touches you  briefly as  you claim the cold winds
It has my skin trembling, has my thoughts freeze
I watch the autumn wind, how my believes it spins…

The autumn wind, that carries all the colored leaves,
It draws with them uncodable, secret messages
The fate  of our love, the fate of you and me…
I pray and try to catch the one that could  salvage  us...

walk like a pawn
until the end
until you transform
yourself
or
walk like a pawn
and see yourself
already,
as the king or queen

should people think or just live their life?