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lexis Sep 25
Dostoyevsky said, “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

I've felt rage seething in my chest for as long as I can remember. I've felt as his talons ripped open my sternum, digging for a place to call home. this rage has nestled deep into my ribcage, devouring my will to survive while carelessly residing within my nightmares.

I've surrendered to this forsaken depression fury has vacated deep in the confines of my irises - despite witnessing myself across grey-tinted glasses; a smoldering storm rippling miasma throughout my body, manipulating my hands into a devout pyromaniac; suffocating every chance to heal.
I've known nothing but bitterness congesting my heart. My dreams were burdened dreadfully with the stench of wrath. it mutilated my arms; burrowing into capillaries, and asphyxiating my habit to vanish.

This incessant sin I've endured has brought me to my knees, existing only to ***** out my ability to be a mortal in an unforgiving universe. I am not a cosmic metaphor, the iron residing underneath my skin has become impenetrable.

I am adorned with stillness while this betrayal has bloomed into a supernova. the things in which I lack have ignited into an endlessly violent explosion -

Atomizing my bones, swirling stardust into a forlorn emptiness.
A world that was held by the unfaltering resistance I persevered against, it has ravaged my memories, my moribund existence trembled; shivering from the growl of the recoil - the remnants of creation kissed abysmal lips within the faraway distance of a boundless abyss, raining tears for the last time as the destruction leaves a life void of meaning.

The last words ever heard in this universe spoke softly as if to lull the existential bereft into a long hiatus -

"This was all for nothing, just as destitute as this vacant nothingness, human life is ill-fated to be star-crossed and powerless."
I hold so much bitterness in this small body, and for so so long. I question why I've allowed this bitterness to control certain aspects of my life. Why do I let it consume me until I feel devoid of emotion? I feel powerless. I cannot escape. I feel like I'm patiently waiting for my existence to explode, like a dying star, what will all of this wasted time mean in the end?
Shivvy Sep 1
Once upon a time
I felt something for you
Love Or like
I'm not sure too

But it was welcomed
I was looking for this
Confident in it
I thought I was being cherished

You have a radiant smile
I noticed once
Brown eyes and a good heart
I thought about this for months

You cared so softly
Exactly how I liked
It should never end
I hoped day and night

And yet all that was apparently nothing
It was not as I thought
I Should've known
A devil doesn't come with horns

All those walls
Broken for lies
How you broke my trust
Can never be justified

I thought I was more mature now
That I could handle it fine
That I was naive not now but
Once upon a time
A message to the love of my life too Jpcrdd..

Nothing wrong with feeling hurt as with pieces
We all are, a puzzle of joy or sadness depending on who wants to feel blessed we touched one another in so many ways.
Unfortunately some men some people don't know how to blend in and reciprocate

How to inspire one another for more.
In rare locations a twin soul twin flame is found
And is willing to hurt us enough to force us to see the beast within us and the beauty
To be **** as we are in front of the one we love.
Either we are naive or ignorant or perhaps we are that rare gem who quietly takes it all in for later use for finding treasures even after those left for us were stolen

The one true lover who understands us enough to wish to be puting our puzzle pieces together.
We all are in the same basket of opportunity to not be a fool and to grab or to jump of a dangerous situation.

How many times we must avoid deceit at ocean sea shore or river or lake but we don't and we get shattered and later on  we drown in puddles and feel stained when we should realize life is but a play each of us must play fair fight for Truth and for justice for ourselves and our loved ones if any.
it's of us the few the wise who can jump off at the right time if the vessel is ignited with fire by hidden present two faced criminal minded ones.
Sadly some of us wiser kinder don't jump of our burning bridges or boats or sailing boats and stay fighting more sinister entities than fires from envious,jealousy malice galore even psychopaths.
Who befriend us.

I am a Fantastic amazing Mom demonized trashed
Abandoned
By the very ones I birthed who fell under the spell of psychos I had escaped long ago the habitual drug users the liers the dividers the murderers the poisoners the relentless sterile jealous feme fatales hyenas and the twisted evil boys they manipulate to profit from destroying honorable triumphant human beings
Yes me Angel of light intellect wise Angelina BBA
this Mom triumphed where my enemies all were defeated.
~~
This I write in honor of my absent loved ones
Because I am not a criminal not any thief not a shameless liar not any divider and I am not any child beating beast

Nor any murderer like the murderers for hire the many who are on my tail
To silence me to hide their many crimes against me my family.
Victimizing other many elderly on advantage private Medicare scam plans.
HEY!
Being born in another country near or far don't make me a criminal nor an untrustworthy human being Mom for raising my family alone with honors
fighting all kinds of trash like the sterile wolves who created fraudulent birth certificates for themselves naming themselves mother's to my baby girls.
Imagine what I went through in life for years in USA to keep myself and my family alive safe and well.
My children are the jewels of my crown motherhood
But won't stay around to be butchered get blows
Because they allowed themselves to be assimilated
By teams of murderers for hire and thieves in CA, Bronx New York etc.
I forever love you dearest darlings treasures of mine
Please remember me with compassion justice and with joy.
I am I was I forever remain a best friend best Mom best grandmother but from afar.
Please fly away free yourselves
Stop your hate crime against your own beautiful Mother regardless of nationality social status creed or race.

Be proud of Mexican European Mestizo heritage.
Stay away from Greeks who harmed you at birth and me stay away from haters drug users murderers for hire thieves in USA who claim to be friends they are deadly enemy.
~~~~~~~
By Mrs and Mrs Andrews
All Rights Reserved.
https://youtube.com/shorts/mX41s7Phq-o?si=ZIQjzOvwPtSu7RVe
Ashwin Kumar Jan 30
Before I met you
Sorted, was my life
Though I had not a wife
Blessed was I, with a very supportive family
Felt insecure did I, very rarely
Then there were the friends
Of whom, was I very fond
Rather underrated, were the cousins
Thanks to whom, was I able to grin
Even when I had my backs to the wall
Rarely was my life dull

You changed everything
After our meeting
I didn't exactly fall head over heels in love
But a bond was beginning to form
And I saw no harm
In getting engaged to a person like you
Thought I knew not, much about you
Having met you only twice
On my part, it was rather unwise
But we'll come to that later
After all, you had not, any hater!

Well, slowly and steadily
Did I begin to develop an attachment towards you
Hence, I questioned you not
When you asked me to block a mutual Facebook friend
Which should have said a lot
But didn't, because; innocent was my mind
In fact, even financially did I help you
Again, without questioning you
By now, clear it should have been
That, on you, was I extremely keen!!

Just as I was looking forward to our nuptials
Did the pandemic strike
Never were you the same again
Something that gave me a lot of mental pain
The way you behaved with me and my family
Albeit for just about a week
It was as if WE had brought this on you
Though you DID know very well
That things were NOT in our control

Well, I let these things slide
After all, I am not one for pride
However, as mentioned earlier
You were definitely not the same person
Who used to care for me so much
That, on a few occasions, I felt you were overprotective!!
In a good way though

As the months passed
We continued to speak over the phone
On a daily basis
However, something seemed to be amiss
Thought what exactly, I knew not
Thus, in a trap was I caught
Because I cared for you
Much more than you cared for me

Eventually, the  marriage, which had been delayed indefinitely
Finally took place
Though on a small scale
So relieved was I
That we had finally become a couple
On an official basis, that is!!
However, again something was amiss
Having a sustained conversation with you
Turned out to be even more difficult
Than handling a venomous snake!!
What really took the cake
Was the fact that you kept saying
That it would take some time
For us to get to that stage
Something that could have filled me with rage
But didn't, since by now you had me under your thumb!!

All in all, far from happy was I
Still, nothing on Earth could have prepared me
For the shock that was about to follow
And from then, a changed person were you
As possessive as Lavender Brown
And as cunning as a serpent
You made me repent
For my mistake of marrying you
You even tried to turn me
Against my own family
Not to mention, one of my best friends
So, it was a massive relief
When this whole thing came to an end
Even as I continued to be numb with disbelief!!

While the eventual divorce process turned out to be rather tedious
You continued to be obnoxious
Draining us of four lakhs
For absolutely not fault of ours
And leaving on me scars
Which might take forever to heal!!

Before I met you
Sorted, was my life
You ruined it, by becoming my wife
However, I am stronger than you may think
And have achieved a lot more in life
Than you are even capable of achieving!!
So, you may keep dreaming
But just remember one thing
If you try to cheat others
It will end up making matters worse
Not for them
For YOU!!
Yet another poem dedicated to my ex-wife, from whom I became free about two years ago.
Jeremy Betts Feb 2018
You already know I could twist your mind like sprite did with a lemon and lime
And all it would take is the right line and the wickedest rhyme to pull you from the time you thought you were doing just fine
But nope, now you're lost in a reality as dark as mine, no shine, just grime
A slime you can't rinse off, you'll wince as you feel it intertwine and become part of your spine
An evil design, your whole being now redefined
By then it's to late to hit stop and you can't rewind, the seeds already been planted down  deep inside
Any bit of good has died, drowned out by a vicious, unnatural high tide
That there, that's the evil carnival ride
I've spied on those deepest fears that you've tried to hide
Oh how you've tried and tried to hide proof of their existence but you've lied
And you can't do that to me I'm afraid, no reason thought that you should be afraid
However, I already know that you are, I've followed the trail that you've laid
Small fears leading to large fears, some riddled with the tears you've made
The years that have strayed, the thoughts that stayed, leaving you to feel betrayed and to your dismay, here I am holdin' 'em in your face, like a winning *****
Ooooh how fear can cut deeper then the sharpest blade and aid in the all out raid
A massacre masquerade brought by a frayed being formally thought to be slayed
No blockade can keep me out when I've already seen inside, peeked through the blinds
I've seen the outlines, seen what you keep in the deepest confines, in the darkest corners it hides
A little whisper here, a short memory there is all it takes, so quickly it reminds
And draws clear lines in the sand, come to the dark side and find that it's nice over here, you may even enjoy the ride
But it looks like your little ***** have shriveled up and dried like cow hide
Left with only a plan that life denied...and your pride
But that will only provide a cockeyed stride derived from never seeing an upside
So learn to say **** it and avoid that toxified landslide
Stand here alongside me and get your mind clarified
Create your own chaos, inject a little  genocide
Post up curbside or on a hillside to watch the world burn
I know you've yearned for this your whole life, well now, it's your turn
Your life has been a pattern so let's break the mold and never return
Let me be your lantern to guide you away from the molten hot iron
Don't concern yourself with this trend, a path that's so modern
Society needs the savage people to return, don't be so ******' stubborn
Let's relearn these trates and earn your spot in history before you reach the urn
Just a little shift in alliance, embrace defiance and use it as guidance
You've taken the licks now break the silence, it's your turn for violence
What do you mean it doesn't make sense? Don't show your ignorance
Frozen in a defeated stance shooting me a confused, wide eyed glance
**** yo, now's your chance to stand in the inzone doing your own victory dance
Stumbling upon me this very moment I can gerentee wasn't by chance
No coincidence, something this life altering isn't happenstance
I'm here to shake you out of your trance and show you a new entrance
Here, I'll even hold the door open, all you have to do is walk through and advance
Come oooon, you want it back, I can see it, cut the act, I don't believe it
Grow a sack, you're gonna need it, but since you lack you won't achieve it
Look, I can't force you to do ****, that I'll admit
But only a nit wit would look at what I've laid out and not grab hold of it
Just try it out a bit and if you don't feel it we can turn it back lickidy-split
I'm gonna be honest, I can promise that until you try it I'm not fittin' to quit
People that know me woud say that I'm a stubborn ****

But I don't walk through.
I ignore the swift, slick little voice. It's not new.
There has been a few times I did, one or two....
Right, one or two dozen maybe and if I only knew.
If I only knew in the long run what those decisions would do...
I guess I would have nothing to write, nothing to say to you

©2018
I feel so betrayed by the person you have become.
In the beginning you loved me, now you just call me dumb.
Our conversations and calls have become father apart,
It is only a matter of time before you shatter my heart.
Inconsistencies and lies get harder to hear.
Wishing my blurry brain would soon become clear.
I cry and cry almost everyday,
I would give anything to take all of this pain away.
There are people that are crying, dying, and dismayed.
And all I have is someone who I once loved digging my grave.
Ashwin Kumar Aug 2023
When I met you
I developed an instant liking
Though it was not in a romantic sense
You seemed to be a bit shy
But at the same time, quite friendly
Not to mention, down-to-earth
We got along nicely
And when I met your family
I was impressed
Not due to wealth, class or social status
But because of the fact that they were all very good human beings
With no attitude or airs whatsoever
And they were already okay to accept me as one of their own
Well, we soon started speaking over the phone
On a daily basis
And since we had developed a good understanding
I agreed to marry you
The engagement was a simple affair
But I got the feeling
That we were a cute couple
Especially when we took you on a trip
Right after the engagement
As I mentioned earlier
Though I didn't have any romantic feelings
When I first met you
They soon started to develop
During the period between the engagement and the marriage
I even funded your marriage expenses
Because I trusted you
Never did I imagine
That you would eventually betray my trust
Especially after the date we had in Pondicherry
Of course, COVID19 struck
And our marriage had to be postponed indefinitely
Naturally, you were very upset
I myself was quite depressed
But I thought we could at least talk it out
Instead, you started avoiding me
As well as my family
I let it slide
Since I truly loved you
Eventually, after a week or so, we started talking again
However, things were definitely not the same as earlier
I could sense a lack of enthusiasm from your side
Moreover, you were free to talk only around 9 PM
Though ideally you should have been free throughout the day
Considering you lost your job due to COVID
Something for which you were duly compensated
By my father, who kept sending you money every month without fail
Anyway, I let it slide again
Because I loved you
On the eve of our wedding, I wrote a heart-touching poem
Which was appreciated by almost everybody
Except the person for whom it was written
That is, you
Anyway, I thought things would change
Once the wedding finally happened
However , they didn't
I made many attempts to strike a conversation
But you were only interested in watching your precious serials
I too began to watch them, for your sake
Mind you, I am no fan of serials
But I thought I should make an exception
For my dear wife
However, was I ever dear to you?
You never talked to me on your own
And when I tried to talk to you
You kept repeating the same thing
That we would eventually talk at some stage
I kept wondering and wondering
As to when that "stage" would eventually arrive
Then came the ultrasound pregnancy test
With its shocking results
From then on, you were a changed person
You kept clinging to me
And refused to let me out of your sight
You even forced me
To stop talking to my best friend
And your own best friend did her best
To make me feel as guilty as possible
Blinded by love, as I was
I refused to listen to reason
Believing that you were being discriminated against
Because of your class and caste
When you finally confessed
That you had slept with another guy
You couldn't even look me in the eye
Because of your betrayal, I went through depression
For more than a month
I am not going to waste my time
Discussing the tedious and protracted divorce process
But you took advantage of me
And my frigging autism
You lied to me and cheated me
And I loved you
Yes, it sounds difficult to believe
But I genuinely loved you
And was thus made to suffer
It's time all feminazis take note of this
Rather than jumping into conclusions
And blaming the male whenever there is a divorce
Or even an estrangement
That's all I have to say
Amen!
Poem dedicated to my ex-wife.
kate Jun 2022
title: criesofashatteredheart.pdf
file size: 143 kb
date modified: 28/06/2022

introduction:

the idea of love lingers on my running maze of thoughts. the concept of my love is comparable to music that is exquisitely performed while staying in perfect harmony. but love itself is not perfect the way it is. my feelings for someone come and go like the tide. but at the very least, it's not lovely whitecaps dancing on my feet when i least expect them. they emerge to cause chaos just when life has a way of appearing to be a calm stream of consistency. they drag me under with such power that i feel like i'm going to drown all over again, to the point that i can't even take a breath in between endeavors.

methods:

he appeared in my life suddenly and unexpectedly, like a warm summer wind. in a single moment, my heart was captivated from my chest in a split second, and i was unable to stand. when he'd look me in the eyes and say the words i'd been waiting to hear my entire life, he appeared so honest. the things he'd say to me were so heartfelt and genuine as he looked into my face and spoke from the depths of his heart.

never in my wildest dreams did i imagine that i would be able to experience what he showed me. little did i know i’d expect the most unforeseen events in my life. in your absence, i was left to fend for myself on the edge of the universe. i'm on my own in the vastness of space because you deserted me. in between what i've buried and what i loathe is the emptiness, and it rang true. forever and always, a constant and ever-present reflection that there is no one else to trust and follow.

results and discussions:

you took everything you could get away with, but you were kind enough to leave the suffering behind. it is shameful of you to attempt to make amends for me as if i didn't have enough to deal with already. a roaring storm is howling here, and it continues to be there, raging deep within my head that refuses to subside. the very least you can do is let it be.

now i can now cut you as deeply as you have wounded me. i am tormented by the treachery of knowing the truth and never escaping the past. you took me up in the air, then let me fall to my knees and scream. yet i yearn to blossom like the sunflower even when the sunlight passes more dimly than the uncertainty of the promise of love. the dilemma of instruments may be found with thy beauty, and the betrayal of melody can be watch in the eyes when seen through incense. hence, that is the deception performed by the heart.

at some time in the far future, you will find yourselves wishing to the heavens that you had never turned away in our own little corner of the universe.

after all, it's the nature of love, and it crushes my heart that it had to stop before it could begin.
i just made a creative way in making a prose
Eera Jun 2022
Remember the times you caught me crying?
used to make up excuses when you won't stop prying.
I had no courage to tell you;
how many times I've doubted you.
Cause you meant more to me;
than any of my insecurities.
I was miserable, wasn't I?
used to vent out my feelings, didn't lie.
I loved him beyond limits, you knew;
the girls were fully aware too.
Maybe our bond wasn't strong,
or else I could've forgiven you.
Maybe the world didn't know,
how much I really tried to.
You had your reasons,
he was sad and depressed,
and you chose to go address;
leaving me in distress.
You called me your best friend,
then why did you hide it?
I was right there, a meter away from your bed.
You called me your best friend,
then how could you **** him?
in the same places, you knew I loved him.
You called me your best friend,
then how could you not know?
how deep a scar, your actions will carve.
Our bond was like a holy thread,
anything it could sustain,
cutting it once and tying a knot,
won't make it pure again.
Sister or sinister,
I am not sure anymore.
Friend or fiend,
perhaps you were both.
I wish I could lend a hand,
but it's harder for me to stand.
Roots that run so deep;
I had to fall to my knees.
You have many best friends,
so what if you lose one friend?
You made a choice and walked that path,
no good will come from seeking the past.
Look ahead, with no regret;
for I consider you, my kindest crook.
she wanted to be friends again
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