Like many before me
the mirror is my enemy
it shows me things I don't want to be
it shows me a twisted image of reality

It haunts me from within
by planting hoaxes under my skin
burned to my core is the malicious grin
hatched from the depths of my mirror twin

I try to say what's on my mind,
but the words are in commotion.
I keep it bottled up inside;
a walking wreck of emotions.

You only see the tip of the iceberg,
but my feelings are pacific deep.
When will my love stop being unheard,
so my insecurities can sleep.

I'm sporadic alive; roaming around,
trying to cope with my endless stress.
I hope you dare to see my ghost town,
where the fragile me are taking a rest.

run with the wind to
the killing freedom
search for the
ultimate home
surrounded by fields
to make an eternal summer
the frozen sun goes
around and around
a bird with a
broken wing is dead
no one came to visit

I keep thinking about all the things we could become,
about adventures we would put in our pockets,
and watch the dark capture the sun.

But I’m sure you don’t know how I feel,
but it’s not you who is spellbound,
since it’s you who spins the wheel.

I know you, yet you are still a stranger,
it’s rather funny the way we met,
but now I sense the inevitable danger.

Sometimes we don’t talk for a while
yet I still wonder how you’re doing,
and then I can’t stop to smile.

To be honest I would like to run away,
but you keep me tied to your wrist,
without hearing the words I have to say.

I think we have a lot of calamity in us,
yet it seems to hurt me the most,
so hit me with your best shot.

**And take my breath away for the last time.

The thought of dying
occupies my mind too often
I'm not okay

The place we go to when we fall asleep
let me stay there forever, please
Because I'm not okay

In the waking hours, I stumble
around in a world of make-believe
I'm still not okay

The darkness is cold but kind
it offers me a place to hide
Can I be okay?

I'm floating around in a straitjacket
on the edge of the universe
I'll never be okay

Touch me with your words, not your hands
come to me naked, even when you're covered
devour my soul, and worship my mind
trace my skin and kiss my battle wounds

Read my story the dancing ink displays
whisper words of salvation into my ear
don't protect me, I know how to wreck
I don't want your gold, only your hand in mine

Fishing the coins up from my pocket.
One by one.
Counting them carefully. Repeatedly.
I hope I haven’t forgot some.

Just the thought of it makes me nervous.
I’ll face the ground.
What should I do if I have counted wrong?
Just keep looking down.

Standing in line, trapped in a cage.
The next one is me.
Please, don’t do anything stupid.
Count slowly to three.

The beeping from the machine.
It’s too loud.
The voices and smiles are all too much.
I don’t belong in a crowd.

I am up front, the point of no return.
Eye to eye.
Looking down, giving the money.
I am ready to die.

All the attention is now gone, I’m free.
The exit has arrived.
I can’t believe I did it once again.
I can’t believe I survived.

come forward, you sweet whimsical dream.
fill my mind up with all sorts of beauties.
leave my bed empty, but my smile frozen.
these euphoric senses dance on my duvet,
to later sleep on my pillow.
I wish I could stay here forever.
for this one feeling.
the feeling of something.
something like the very feeling of feelings;
feels peculiar.
here I have forgotten you.
here I am free of the idea of a
silhouette, that used to be mine.
but; there is always a but.
when the sun's lazy hot
rays tickle my eyes open.
and the birds, now mournful,
chirping trespass my ears.
there falls the heavy brick down,
and with a sudden bang.
I see the raven black silhouette,
crystallized in the corner of my eye.

Melt away my fear
hold my hand for just a bit
hungry eyes waiting

I'm filled to the brim,
yet I'm still threatening
myself with a paper
gun behind my head.

My hands are feverishly
searching for the heart that
vanished with no warning,
whilst the swaying anxiety pushes
me over the familiar edge;
thus my world is turned
upside down, yet again.

The place where my dreams used
to pave the way, has been demolished.
Now a black hole is roaring,
and it's spilling ancient demons
that stain my happiness.
They dance their shadow dance
while chanting self-destructive orders.

I can hear them day and
night, but they are most
prominent from dusk to dawn.
And it's during these
lonely hours that my
ears get painted red
and my cheeks stay wet.

He just swims in his mind
drowning sorrows in drinks,
the light has burnt out
he's unable to think,
about life and what to do.

He sneaks off in the night
taking heavy-hearted steps,
he leaves nothing behind
he just wants to forget,
about life and what not to do.

When my finger met the paper, in a brief love affair, it took my blood as a trophy.
Then the red droplets created a beautiful mess as they sank into the dead white wood.
It stung badly, and it continued to hurt as I went on a mission to find a bandage that
could keep the crimson art inside of me, instead of spilling it everywhere.
When I wiped the excess blood away I saw nothing, yet I was still in pain.
But what hurts the most right now is my heart, because just like I couldn’t
see the papercut, you can’t see my broken heart either, and it is bleeding heavily.
Because of you.
And I can’t seem to find a bandage big enough to heal the
hole you left in my dying heart.

With his curly ginger hair, wild like a lions mane,
he just have to give you one look before you go insane.
He knows he is charming and he knows it so well,
that he finds joy in casting this inescapable spell.

His eyes are like the abyss: dark, cold and deep.
They consume the soul, make your mind go to sleep.
He has damaged you already and you think he is your remedy.
If you could just open your eyes and see his true identity.

With a longing for love and hoping it would float,
you went right in his trap to get him: the antidote.
But instead he fed you up with toxic dreams and lies.
Because this is what he is: poison in disguise.

It is so dark that I can’t even see my own two hands in front of me.
But it is okay, I don’t even need the light to see.
Because all I need is not to see what lies ahead of the path I walk.
Nor do I need to hear the birds sing or even the voices as they talk.

I might end up stumbling and falling along the way.
But as long as I know it is meant to be, I am sure I am going to be okay.
And if I happen to not be okay in the end, that is alright as well.
Because no one can do anything to harm me, no one but myself.

I have hurt the skin that covers me, seen the crimson red peep through to say hello.
But of course I didn’t tell any, why should I let anybody know?
I do not need any pity because after all I made these choices for a reason.
A reason others won’t understand, they might call my actions for treason.

But I don’t care what they think, they should just leave me alone.
How could they ever understand how it feels like, to be unwelcome in your own home?
I have held countless of knives in my hand and let them embrace with my ivory bones.
I can only smile for myself, now that I've found my place beside the many tombstones.

A loaded gun behind the perfect shot,
infiltrates my mind with memories I forgot.
Pills and potions couldn't help ease the pain,
the man with the mask I can no longer keep sane.

And in the bleeding sky I saw,
scars I've encountered once before.
The depth is scary, but I can't look away,
I dive and drown in this red ocean every day.

I close my eyes and hum a song,
trying to outshout the things I've done wrong.
It's a suicide mission to try and win this fight,
so I'll just get lost with the strangers of the night.

On the gleaming tracks I run with no goal,
it's just an endless journey within a distant black hole.
I'm just a fraction of something that could've been great,
but, I know it's too late to change my bulletproof fate.

I'm still not over you're gone,
I cry too many salty tears.
My fingers run a marathon,
each day trying to make you reappear.

You're the reason that I have to fight,
because of you, I tasted tomorrow.
I'll keep you in my thoughts at night,
my guardian angel; i see your halo

I won't lie, it hurts too much,
losing you; I lost myself.
My heart will never bleed enough,
the loser's hand I've been dealt.

I'll wait for time to harvest me,
I'll endure this piercing pain.
I'll walk past fragments of serenity,
just so I can see you again.

Mayday, my ship is slowly sinking.
Crushed and then consumed by these merciless waters called your lies.
Your apologies came in like the Kraken, destroying every evidence of life.
But I was safe inside my cabin because you know;
the captain is supposed to go down with the ship.
And so I did.
Now I am just a skeleton with pointless memories,
resting at the obscure ocean bottom with my shipwreck.

I still remember the day we first met.
It was so magical, I will never forget.
I was invited to see and try something new.
But never would I have imagined I would meet you.

One by one, we got to hold you and learn.
I remember I couldn’t wait for it to be my turn.
And when she finally placed you in my tiny hands.
I didn’t expect you would change my future plans.

I placed my lips on your cold silver mouthpiece.
I took a deep breath and your notes broke the peace.
I looked at her with impressed eyes and lips painted with glee.
She praised the others, but the one she was most impressed with, was me.

11 years we have been together, where did time go?
We already have so many memories, performing at every show.
And the time we played for the queen, do you remember as well?
I will hold you until my hands can no longer move themselves.

I can’t picture a life, a childhood without you by my side.
They said we were partners in crime, just like Bonnie and Clyde.
And whenever I was falling, you were my never failing parachute.
I love you to pieces, my old trusty flute.

His nocturnal desires have awoken,
they roam carelessly on the moonlit highway.
Tangled in cryptic and claustrophobic visions,
hands on the steering wheel; aiming at prey.

It hails with burned-out dreams,
morphine-filled words whisper about salvation.
Pines sprinkle their prickly love on his ragdoll,
igniting the poor man's gold excavation.

Lemon drops poured into his frayed heart,
a nirvana of thoughts etched in the sky.
The beacon revealed his method of madness,
he kept the grain of salt in his eye.

Fun and games
that's all it takes
to keep young hearts in motion
but one night like the
thousands of others
she went missing;
gone from sight and
gone from everyday life

Time went by
and she went with it
the clock was a ticking bomb;
waiting to find hope
and explode with glee
but on the happiest
day of the world
it took a sharp turn

She was found in the
morning's cold embrace
no trace of life remained;
robbed of innocence
robbed of possibilities
never to open eyes again
never to open the front door
and say "I'm home"

Sometimes I paint outside the framework.
Because even the perfectionist goes berserk.
Just to let the steam out of the system.

Sometimes I dream that my teeth are falling out.
I never know what that is about.
Only to find myself waking up with the feeling of relief.

Sometimes I stare directly into the burning sun.
It is a battle that I have not yet won.
Perhaps a walking stick will accompany me someday.

Sometimes I run with my old loose shoes.
Only to collide with the ground, leaving me with a blue bruise.
I never seem to learn from my mistakes.

Sometimes I apologize, even if it is not my fault.
But I can take the blame. I am tough as asphalt.
I do not mind to say what others are afraid to admit.

Sometimes I wish I could look in the mirror.
See all the things a little clearer.
To greet my reflection with a smile.

my old futile dreams
make the windows all misty
ripping up the seams
blood mixed with ancient whiskey

a smile around the corner
lures the naive mind
******* up the world order
another death wish signed

overhead, brick by brick
the november wind stands still
heart oozing of homesick
empty thoughts keep my glass refilled

delusions cover my sight
faraway lights blink with eager
fixing the crooked night
dinner with the grim reaper

spawning promises
deep in the pond with goldfish
the final breakdown

With a smile on your mouth
I see the evening breathing out
Calling my long lost name

And while I don't you recall
I hear you whisper, while I fall
Pouring memories down the drain

I tried to make you understand
You need to leave wonderland
The lion still kills without claws

But you crashed with the reality
Leaving strangers with serenity
Drowning in the final applause

Eventually pain became my friend.
An ally I could trust completely.
It would tell me when I was badly wounded.
But this friend became an addiction.
A toxic relationship with no escape.
And when my mind wandered off to other places,
trying to forget everything,
it would drag me back into reality with no mercy.
Scars can only heal if you leave them alone,
but this friend ripped them up every night.
I can’t lie and say it didn’t hurt,
but at least I knew I was still alive.

I try so hard to be happy,
but what does that mean?
What does it look like?

I'm the monster inside
my head, I tell myself
things that reek of death.

In the middle of it all,
the light is burning out
and it's all my fault.

I gave in to the chaos
in my soul, now I'm lost.
I lost sight of control.

Seeing the changes
floating away with the stream
give back my childhood

I feel too much and even though it's great at times
I also hate it, because I can't control my emotions.
It's like caging an animal born in freedom,
you'll only end up hurting yourself if you try.

And I have tried, believe me.
I've tried so many times.
And I've come to realize it doesn't matter
whether I try to cage them in or let them run free,
it's always me who ends up being hurt.

And it ******* hurts.
It makes me not want to be me.
It makes me not want to live.
Because I can't express the things roaming
inside of my mind, my veins and my heart.

I'm going crazy inside my private circus
I'm the clown, the elephant,
the ballerina and the ringmaster
how am I supposed to balance all these roles?
It's no wonder I'm going mad
and tearing myself up from within.

Help! I need help, but the help won't reach me
since I convince myself every time that I need no help.
Because I'm afraid to be weak, for others to see me as weak
and that's my own problem: I'm my own kryptonite.

They call me the angel child;
and I suppose at some point, I once was one.
But my demons have cut off my wings a long time ago.

Death is calling tonight,
the air carries the old message.
Stepping over the line,
falling into non-existence.

She stood beneath the dying sun, with crimson mist
surrounding her at the very edge of the world.

Here she experienced the explosions of pure silence for
the first time, since being born into a world of noise.

She smiled and looked back to see the last burning bridge
destroying everything around it, to later vanish from the surface.

Later the rain will wash away the flaws that remain,
until another bridge magically appears out of the blue.

With a chill kiss from the November wind,
she closed her eyes and jumped.

Her fall broke the silence and the noise
claimed the last corner of stillness.

At day you can’t see them, because they are nowhere to be found.
But when the light is out, they head to the empty playground.
For while you are surrounded by walls, in your bed dreaming.
This is the place where their childish hearts are pretending to be beating.

The seeker is covering their eyes while counting loudly to ten.
Here they get the chance to play their favorite games once again.
Fighting carelessly over plastic toys and digging in the damp sand.
It looks like a lively place to be, instead of yet another wasteland.

They are hiding in the trees, giggling. Who can climb all the way to the top?
Tiny hands are holding on to each other, spinning around until they almost throw up.
Going down the rusty red slide: some are going fast, others nice and slow.
And if they hear you coming, they’ll be gone like the first flake of snow.

Far away, you might hear a familiar sound of squeaking swings.
Laughter is echoing through the night, carried into the town by bird wings.
They are trying to evade being captured, while running in a green ocean of clover.
But the sun is lurking in the dawn;
soon their fun and games will be over.

He calls her out when his imagination is used up,
then his ideas keep spawning, continuing nonstop.

Yet he can’t move his hands, they are paralyzed
from the touch of her hands; he feels hypnotized.

Her eyes are full of roaming oceans and thunder,
crushing small sailboats like a bloodthirsty hunter.

Her skin is gleaming in the veil of the silver moon,
reminding him of his first kiss with her back in June.

Her lips are covered in poison, like they were back then,
with a bare touch they can turn boys into grown up men.

Freckles are lightly strewn over her cheeks and nose,
smiling and blinking of all the little secrets she knows.

Her hair is chestnut brown with hints of flaming red,
dancing like fires in the reflection of the sun on top of her head.

The sky is trembling whenever she speaks a word,
sending shivers down his spine and making his vision blurred.

Whenever she takes a step the earth is loudly moaning,
making his ears on the very verge of exploding.

Her heart is a black hole storing mysterious crimes,
forgotten solar systems and corpses of ancient times.

Her soul is nowhere to be seen, it disappeared out of the blue,
making her a floating skeleton with something to pursue.

But when he takes the brush and pencil and begins to paint and write.
nothing ever happens; the canvas and paper still remain white.

Your silhouette was ignited by
the flash from the headlights.
Here on the road away from
busy streets and dizzy delights.

Indulged by the chill kisses
from the distant wind above us.
We sat here until the frost bit our
lips and time became dangerous.

We watched the world as
people continued to live and die.
Here on the crowded highway,
where strangers passed us by.

Frozen in time we saw them smile
and we also saw them cry.
Wrapped away from the present,
we were trapped, you and I.

You gave your heart to me,
said it was mine for eternity.
I had nothing to give to you
besides blankets of serenity.

You are stuck on my mind 24/7,
like an indelibly tattoo.
I might go mad since it feels
like the only sane thing to do.

Like ice cubes in a tray,
we were stored away.
Frozen and divided,
yet strong when united.

We cannot break free,
from the darkness they don’t see.
They are controlled by a malicious sickness,
which turns them into creatures bred by darkness.

Now we play a game,
for our freedom to reclaim.
They think they have plenty of time,
to cover up their secret crime.

We look them in the eyes,
with coldness and despise.
Messing with us they will soon regret,
when we torture them through the alphabet.

Today's forecast:

Pretending everything is fine,
until you fall into the pitch black.
Then you lie motionless in pain,
wrenching your soul and
crying your heart out.
Afterward, the headache hits you
like a blazing fire, accompanying
your sadness so you feel less alone.
Then demons with insomnia
play with the clock, forcing your
mind to wander again tonight.
At some point, stillness will find
you and it'll shoot its bullet in
your flesh; a mercy ****.
Oblivion will then sweep
you off your feet and
shroud you in woven peace.
Nothingness will be blasting
out loud, until the golden rays
find your eye corner and
trespass with fuming ferocity.


And then it all begins anew.

Your northern light lures me in
it's blinding my eyes
it's so cold and so tragically beautiful
it's roaming alone on a loose highway
where no man can stay

We all see you, but not all can feel you
I am powerless and drained of self-love
but if you want to, I'll love you enough
enough for you to never feel alone
despite our distance, I'll keep you sane
and perhaps you can keep me warm

We've felt the calamity in our hearts
etching happiness away;
injecting darkness all over
but it's okay, it's all okay now
we've found each other
and we'll get through it

I do not know much, but this I know;
all this pain and suffering have not been in vain
since it led me to you, and you to me
so let's give happiness a second chance, shall we?

Sometimes I want love to find me.
For when love takes over,
you'll walk the road of serenity.
You'll climb the mountain of euphoria.
You'll swim the ocean of ecstasy.

Yet, I don't think love is good for me.
I'm afraid it'll **** me in a state of oblivion.
But perhaps that's all I ever really need;
to fall into the pit of love and never
break through the surface again.

The music is blasting out loud.
You can feel the bass diving into your body.
Sweating mortals, creating chaos in a crowd.
It’s here where nobody becomes somebody.

Fragile glass filled with colors of a rainbow.
The liquid’s job is to make you dizzy.
Turning strangers into people, you now know.
It’s here where lazy meets busy.

Wanting a good time but is being oddly exposed.
Intrusive questions, stirring up the tension.
Asking polite for the door to remain closed.
It’s here where admiration turns into obsession.

Light is out, except for the lighter’s flame.
Shattered bottles and broken high heels.
Skin meets ground, leading to tomorrow’s pain.
It’s here where your alter ego is truly revealed.

You make me feel so miserable.
But I can’t blame you for these feelings.
Because you don’t know about them.
You don’t even know I love you.

My light and will power is fading away.
Because she stole your heart without struggle.
A chosen one has claimed you.
And that chosen one is not me.

Giving you up is what I should do.
It’s hard, but you will never know.
Still I want to thank you, for being you.
Thank you for making me feel alive.

unfamiliar home
a slight, fragile bubble trapped
by the ballpoint pen

Quick with a gun
bullets; one two three
I love you, shoot your mercy into me
They took you away, I've lost everything
I'm too scarred, tonight my pistol sings

❇❇❇

I just wanted to come with you
show me your hometown
I just wanted to be like you
far away from where they gun us down

I won't let them take you away
I'll stand my ground
I will make it all okay
Pinky promise, I'll never let you down

Violence and blood hail around me
I'll take my cover
I might drown in my own red sea
But anything for you, my darling lover

My lynx sat the world on fire
The madmen fell to the ground
With you, my love won't expire
As long as you're safe and sound

I was too late to catch your flight
But your soul is safe with me
We didn't get to say goodbye
The eternal sleep has its claws in me

❇❇❇

Shoot me a line and I'll go there
If you're not breathing, I just don't care
Like Bonnie and Clyde against all odds
We bleed freedom; we can't be stopped

War is coming, it is on its way.
Don’t try to hide, it will find you anyway.

War is coming, what will you do?
Will you resist its power or just let it through?

War is coming, it is now or never.
You either get to run or stay forever.

War is coming, are you still here?
You’ve had your chance, the end is near.

War is coming, stand tall among the white knights.
Tonight we die with honor and fight for what is right.

War is coming, it is just a footstep away.
But we will not surrender, and never will we obey.

War is here, and it shows you no mercy.
Bodies are falling to the ground, it is bloodthirsty.

War is here, death is all around.
The cannons are blowing, you can’t hear a sound.

War is here, now you are all alone.
As it stabs through your chest, you fade towards the unknown.

War is over, not a single eye is left dry.
You fought bravely, it’s alright to say goodbye.

Water
Calm, mysterious
Diving, exploring, drowning
Forgotten treasures found, burning hot ground
Feeling, wandering, searching
Secure, solid
Earth

Lying on the beach,
it's getting darker each time you blink.
Hear the colorful explosions up high,
the sky is in chaos, don't you think?

Forget what I told you,
leave those words to the tide.
The stars are peaking through,
my ignorance is wild and wide.

A handful of white rocks,
you smile like a maniac.
Breathing out hoaxes,
while I play piano on your back.

The fireworks stopped,
you gave me black rocks.
My blanket was made for two,
yet another startling paradox.

I'm afraid to be loved.
But that doesn't mean
I don't want to be loved.

I know I say mean things
about myself all the time,
but I do that to protect
myself from potential danger
and unnecessary heartache.

I'm only human,
or perhaps a bit too human.
I can't deal with too much hardship
because it will only make me
spawn an ocean of melancholy.

And I do not want people to see
me drown in my own weakness.
I simply can't allow it.

So I **** it up and carry on.
You might think my mindset
is brave and indeed
it is, to some degree.

But most of all it is painful.
It's so ******* painful.
But I'll get through it, I have to;
until I crash and burn.

Your mouth gleams blue under the veil of the full moon.
Your perfect pearl teeth light up like thousands of falling stars ready to face their doom.
Your eyes are reflected in the whispering bay, while your raven black eyelashes extend like mournful hands up against the dark sky.
Your cheeks flare up as the warmest fire place on earth.

piercing through the air
terror without an end
lives harvested way too soon
unraveled family and friends

how long will this last?
how many liters of blood
will contaminate our minds
before they choose to stop?

the law should protect
instead, the horror is welcomed
creeping around in plain sight
before it takes your loved ones

I have butterflies
roaming in my chest.
But these are not the
good butterflies;
these are the bad ones.
They have been kissed
by death and their wings
coated in despair have
found a nest inside of me.

it’s like i’m trapped inside of an oyster
hidden away from the world;
except i am not a precious pearl
waiting to be found