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Baylee Kaye Jan 31
insecurity gets the best of me.
even when I don’t mean for it to.
a fear of becoming bothersome
with these afflictions I try to suppress.
I suffer restlessly with these sentiments,
earnestly craving a silence from the voices
that resound persistently in my head.
I struggle with the irons wrapped around me,
screaming routinely that it’s all a facade.
no matter how hard I try, how far I run,
the thoughts are always ahead of me.
always one step in front, beckoning me.
enticing me to welcome their embrace.
an embrace of sorrow, of lies and of pain.
a place of immeasurable uncertainty.
blanketed by a face of calm.
Love is never what you wanted.
I hope you got what you wanted from me.

You took everything I had left of me.
There's nothing left of me.

Having nothing left to lose.
I'm so far gone.

There's nothing left for me to do
I only want you, only you.

What do you need to prove?
So irrelvent its old news.

Old memories that once meant something to me.
You didn't need to do me like that.

Feeling ashamed for wanting you back.
Missing the way you act.

When I told you I loved you,
It was a fact.

It's not romance I lack.
Leaving me asking where were you at?

Replaying the last words you said to me.
Thinking of messaging you.
I just can't picture you replying to me.

Missing you lying with me.
Never needed you lying to me.
About a girl that i once knew!
SB Jan 24
The sun.
She knocks on my door
through the cracks

She wakes me with her vibrant glow
And stirs my soul
From calm to restless

Deep swirling blue to smooth, gradient rose
Her hues paint for me
A new reason to live each day
basswaite Jan 16
I've been fantasizing death like a child fantasizes Disneyland
It seems that death is the only thing right now that could bring that kind of joy
A renewal of innocence that will bring me back to Main Street
but the only street I see now is the one at my feet as I walk with my head down
staring at the ground while trying to hide the frown that's forever buried in my skull.
I want to reach out or float out into an empty void but one much more empty than the abyss,
the precipice that has become my waking thoughts.
I sleep because my dreams are my only safe place
but even now my dreams have become a dark space
so I hide my face in my pillow at night
lie awake and hope that when the morning breaks
that life will be a little more kind
maybe life will be a little more aligned with whatever it is that keeps me behind that steady pace that I used to find
as a child
n Jan 8
Stinging morning coffee bliss acompanies the first cig of the day,
It’s all downhill from here.
Does normal things Goes to lecture
Lunchtime sugar low.
Self-destructive tendencies itching,
Beer kick - gets drunk.
Being constructive is crushing.
Goes to lecure
Mind numbing normality
Fearful of loneliness and needy, go waste some hours.
Its late. Restless.
Stoop on the street,
with friends. Anxious, ill.
Wasted night.
Collapse into a shallow sleep of self-loathing.
Repeated offence.
An acurate describition of my daily university life. Evident is my dependency on drugs and my fear of being alone. Both loneliness and 'mind-numbing normality' are perceived as a threat. The title comes from the french word for daily life to accentuate the repetition and spiraling.
Death tempts me with a chance to finally fall asleep...

And I chose to decline.
O' the regret.
Katie Dec 2018
The finish line’s so far ahead.
I don’t even know who I’ll be when I get there.

But I’m not gonna run,
put my foot on the gas and
drive past the roses
I could be smelling.

In 20 years time,
I’ll be 38
regardless of whether I spend that time fretting
or getting a view of the sea.

I will always be restless,
always anxious to get to that perfect place
that either doesn’t exist
or is where I am now.x
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