a man out of his wits,
what a pity he's become
loved ones, betrayed him:
left to oblivion,
only girl she ever loved,
ran away with
all sense has left him,
but he's listening
to all the bickering.
hoping one day,
a voice so familiar,
the sun rising
a complete darkness.
Dizzy from feeling
Foolish yet again the
Circle that was once large
No longer exists as I
Weigh out a few options
Either give in or pick up
The pieces to learn a lesson
Lies are only powerful
When the truth is held in
Darkness one wrong turn
And it was all over in an instant..
Never again will I let myself be someone's back up plan.
I was a back burner, in the shadows, half forgotten back up plan. The last thing to be thought about, and the person to be considered least. I was a placeholder to keep the loneliness and isolation at bay.
All I wanted in life was to be made to feel wanted. To finally be able to claw my way up the priority list. Maybe that's what it was.
I was not a priority.
I was nice to have around. Convenient.
I mean, distance, seperation, empty promises... I took all of it. But not only did I take it, I returned it with love, patience, loyalty. I gave time, money, energy.
Everything I had.
Everything that made me who I was as a person.
In fact, I gave so much that I lost who I was. I forgot what it was to be...me.
So when he left, when I was no longer convenient to him, he took everything with him. My laughter, my joy, my ability to find the silver lining in any situation. He took my faith, my trust, my belief in others...
But, he did leave me with something at least.
He left me with a shattered life. He left me with trust issues. With depression, and anxiety attacks at work. He left me with more tears than can be counted and endless empty tissue boxes. He left me with a shell of who I once was.
And he was gone.
I guess when it's not a priority, it's easy to leave. When the one person who sacrificed everything she had...who gave every piece of herself.
But, HE was his priority.
So no. Never again. I will never be a back pocket, third place, maybe one day girl. I will never let myself beg for affection and love again. I will NEVER be made to feel unwanted. Forgettable. Disposable.
I want to be wanted. I want to be THE priority. Because when you truly love someone, they will always be your priority.
Otherwise, you never loved them at all.
Just the convenience of them.
I hate her.
I hate her with all my heart I can’t stand
To see her face it makes me cringe
Every time she walks my
Fingers want desperately to curl around
Her neck and just
Feel her pulse against my palm as she
Starts to faint and lose her breath she
Begins to cry and I can’t help but smile
Seeing me hurt her just as much as
She hurt me with a knife to my back
Bullshit if you think i’ll just
Forgive you after you
Act like such a fucking whore and
Break your promise i squeeze
Harder and harder, my grasp
Around her neck gaining strength as
Anger fills my veins, the thick red paint of
Pure hatred fuels my heart and my head
Gives me only one single command that
Makes me laugh out loud
I am insanely intoxicated with a
Deep paroxysm and I cannot
Stop myself from laughing so giddily
I am smiling as the life fades from her eyes
And my fingers begin to lose their tight grip
And my laughter begins slacken
And my head begins to rid itself of the dark cloud
That once consumed my entire being
And i look at the whore i have asphyxiated
And i smile
I am happy
I am at peace.
For a friend I wish, but one with a heart pure
For my heart was burned, more than a time or two
A wall I erect, for my safety it must not fall!
Strong and sturdy I build, firmly planted in the ground
The vilest of creatures it must hold back
Near my gate you come, not expecting this village houses one
With eyes you look in, but the curtain is drawn and you see not deep within
Lest you see my weakness and with that attack
My arms I extend: Don’t get too close, stay beyond the end!
My palms I hold out, you must know that I’m afraid
Those who came before stabbed me in the side, and because of this now I hide
A friend I have not found, perhaps to trust I am now unable
For my trust was betrayed, more than a time or two
Past the vines of grins
and hopeful beams
lies the audacity
the existence of doubts.
will stop playing
at the back of her mind
immobilised with tears,
She will despise you
as long as she loved you;
and will continue
to lie at your image.
They see your villainy,
your wretched, writhing trickery,
you let down your guard while
the two-headed snake spat viciously.
You are unjust,
so they say, who dare you trust?
They claim its a product of
your uncontrolled lust.
The heroes' iron will,
cause confrontation for thrill.
No space given for the anti-hero,
its their own allies to kill.