A Dagger In My Back
I kept pulling the dagger from my back
I was deceived, I was a fool
You apologised and pleaded,
Although my wounds became a growing crisscrossed pattern
You promised me that you wouldn’t pull the shutters over my eyes
You promised me you wouldn’t hug and hurt,
Wouldn’t smile but still continue to weave a fine tapestry of lies.
You shook hands with a gun behind your back.
I just blindedly smiled as the blood seeped from my veins.
But I opened the curtains, dismantled the shutters.
I realised you were the one which caused me the doubt and constant pain.
I realised that you were the dagger in my back.
Don’t be mad
If we go to battle
You are the one that threw the first punch
The one that shoved a knife into my back
And left me to bleed out alone
Don’t be mad
If I pick up the pieces
When you’re the one that shattered my heart
That blew my trust into a mess
Scattered across the floor
Don’t be mad
When theres no room left for you
Who could trust a betrayer?
A deceiving, conniving, selfish human
You can’t be mad
That I’ve moved on without you
No one will ever trust you again.
all i have is my laughter
because i'm the idiot with trust issues
the idiot who trusts everyone and
they hurt me every time and
i still come back for more!
it's my fault:
i let him bend me over,
hand locked in my hair,
grinning and lovebit and vulnerable.
and right then he thrust a knife into my back.
i can still feel the blade
twisting and snarling and making fun of
the girl with the bloody holes
framing her spine.
no i know, it's my fault
because i trust no one even though i trust everyone
and i trust that i'll trust again
for you i was a flame...
and i can be again i know i can
because i live in this bruise of a cycle
and i can't seem to break out of it
so i get backstabbed and live to tell the tale,
again and again and again
I had a many I'd have claimed as a friend
Though never seeing a truth so defined
We tell ourselves and each other it will never end
But whether intentional or not, it was a lie
Pathetic, I felt, like it had all been my fault
That those I saw as dear did not respond
I know now that I've realised it is not
That maybe friends truly don't last that long
Yet here I sit writing my burden down
Hoping to see the face of a pal from long ago
But I'll lay my heavy head to sleep with a frown
Because I should have guessed they wouldn't show
You stand on the shoreline, watching the wild waves endlessly pound the earth and dash against the rocks. The rolling hills churn and crash in an eerie expanse of green and gray foaming depths. An endless sky grows darker and more foreboding by the second. Thunder rolls in the distance; you still refuse to leave. Your voice comes softly, and is ripped away by the wind, tossed out over the waters.
“Come back to me. I need you. I want you. Don't go!”
Ahhh... But I, sir, do not need you. The mighty ocean rumbles and groans, letting out wails and angered cries as she throws herself at the beach, the dock house, the cliff side, anything she can reach. The wind screams down the valley, shrieking her battle cry as she rips trees to pieces, blinding you with her rage. The pent-up malice of the heavens comes crashing down upon the terrain. Lightning bolts strike the crested waves again and again, charging her on in her decimation. With a shout from above, her tears break free from the clouds and careen towards the earth. They saturate every crevice and cranny with all the loathing of the air. You are deafened by the sounds of devastation around you, blown and beaten to your knees on the jagged rocks;
pounded and soaked by the anger and contempt so clearly seen in the eye of the storm. Desperate to preserve your own life; so suddenly at great risk, you call out.
“What have I done to deserve this? All that has transpired, I have done out of love!”
NO! Not a love for me, but a want for yourself. You spoke of honor and protection. You made false promises: to stay by my side, to sacrifice for me. But our actions will always speak the truth of our heart’s motives. And so, when you began to depend on me for fulfillment, to act possessive and controlling, I broke free from your craving grasp. You drive me out with your own selfish needs.
A wall of raging water rises from the bed of the sea, building into a mountain that blocks the sky from view. It charges toward the shore, gaining speed, power and determination, refusing to doubt or draw back. Even as your executioner rides towards you, in your ignorant hope you will not budge. Seconds before I smite you with my fury, obliterating you from my heart and mind forever, I whisper in your ear; “Your fatal mistake, my lover, was when you thought you could control the sea in all her glory, or hold back the storm she is.”
Attentive, attentive, I was,
wrapped in your insanity
and hypnotically agreed
to murder your parents
out of passion and love
for the menacing you.
we escaped chases
like true madmen,
and for a moment you
felt like my forever after.
I wondered why I still love you,
even when I figured that
you sold me out to the cops
and ended up questing for
Why is it you’re so empty,
What is it that you lack?
I started to dissolve my marriage
Whilst you got other women in the sack!
It’s been 8 weeks today
That I last texted you
To say it was over
I was sick of your lies & the constant queue
Obviously there’s Liz
She’s such a dope it’s unreal
It’s heartbreaking for me
That there nothing for her you feel
You messed us up
For her & a few more
Yours lies caught you out
What was it all for?
So in the 8 weeks
You’ve put it about
Liz up in Leeds
& Ria with out doubt
Then you stayed at Jills’s
On the second of December
Did you fuck her
Or the daughter, remember?
Yesterday you went home
Down to the south coast
I hope your family is well
But wonder who’s your Weyman’s Avenue host?
Was it Tracey Rose
Or someone else you’re trying to hit on?
Remember I know you well
There’s so many women you lovebomb.
I need to move on
I need to forget your scheming ways
I wish more than life itself
You’d vanish in a haze.
How could I have trusted you?
Everything we've been through for what?
A punch in the chest, and not expected to get one back?
Telling me that all of that time was a waste?
Four years I called you a friend.
Now, you have the audacity to apologize to me?
What a joke, honestly.
Take your regret, and get out of my head.
I value loyalty above all.
You stick by my side no matter what.
No matter good or bad, right or wrong.
Loyalty isn't agreeing with everything,
it is on your side, no matter what,
it is staying, knowing how wrong,
but believing one day would do right.
Loyalty is guidance, support and company
Like Alfred to Batman.
However, Alfreds are rare since the dawn of time,
I am grateful to have you,
but understanding betrayals.
No longer are you let into my heart.