I lay beside
in her bed
in her flat.
It was morning
in the flat upstairs
There was a sliver
where her curtains
I turned over
at her sleeping
eyelids like pink
Her mouth open
She was old enough
to be my mother
was in a mess
as it usually was.
We'd made love
a few times in
the late evening
it wasn't hot sex
but it was all right.
with her cousin
when they were 18
Seemed a bit kinky
with an ex-nun
if he could see
how she lay
My mouth was dry
I needed a drink
to wake me up
and stared at me.
Her hand wandering
back towards me
wanting to feel.
you were too much like the bottom of a bottle
4 am; an hour for the lonely and the searching
my head spinning and body drowning
yet somehow alive enough to dial your number
every ring another bullet in a wound
and your prerecorded voice I knew better than my own
every bit as empty as before
yet somehow I thought you’d make me whole
a promising Parisian morning.
a comfortable coffee house.
a boy holding open the door despite my insistence for him to go first.
his somewhat playful question accompanied with a scampish smile,
"Are chivalry and strong, female independence unable to coexist?"
no, he didn't offer to buy my drink.
instead, he offered to share a table with me.
he didn't ask for my number.
instead, he asked me what I loved most about Paris.
he didn't ask me to dinner.
instead, he offered to show me the true jewels of the city,
the jewels that couldn't be found in the tourist pamphlets.
I didn't fall for him.
falling implies it was like a wildfire,
expeditiously fast and fervent.
no, this was different.
this happened slowly and surely.
we weren't a beautiful flower
we were a mighty oak
destined to live for eons.
I noticed his kindness before I noticed how the green in his eyes
matched the trees surrounding the Eiffel Tower.
I noticed his immaculate intelligence before I noticed how his hands
fit so perfectly within my own.
we eventually had to part ways.
despite my affirmation that Paris had become home,
I needed to return to my own country.
but I left a part of me in that city.
as I boarded the plane,
I realized that, for me,
home had become a person
and not a place.
I can’t say there is a word for what we are
I know I was looking through your pictures yesterday
Laughing at how cute you look
Wanting to tell you which ones you look bad in,
And how others do not make you justice.
Kissing you and the non-stop laughs
Make fun of the fact that we are fatties.
Driving to McDonalds at 1 am.
I have a feeling it is going to hurt.
But when I am in your room, on your bed
Not being able to keep our hands off each other.
It is complete bliss.
We have amazing sex, you know it’s true
We take a break and go at it again.
And then you open up about the things you love
Like those nerdy topics of things I do not understand
But, your whole face lights up while you talk.
And you apologize for speaking so much.
Don’t ever apologize again
Don’t ever shut up.
Please keep talking,
Until we meet our end.
let me sip this wine
and go back in time
to when we were young & free.
not much on our minds
where we could get the next dime
over each other's bodies
so they wouldn't see the bruises
there's more on your mind than drugs
what is this side of you?"
"it's the side that no one knew
cause life is a blessing
and we're wasting our youth."