i keep thinking
this is it
ive hit rock bottom

but im always proved wrong
by this endless pain
and this endless fall

You pushed her so hard,
to fly as high as she could.
As high as the mountains,
as high as the stars.
You pushed her so hard,
though she can't,
till she fell and broke her wings.
Now, her broken wings
could never fly,
can't even reach the tree,
she always dreamt to be.

The way a child trusts so blindly, I will close my eyes and fall into your every word.
The sugary-sweet  scratch of every consonant and the friction of each vowel.
I will trust you with no hesitation.
If I fall, I know  that you will catch me.

The way a child clings to it's favorite blanket or stuffed toy,
I will hold onto you and never let go of the feeling you put in my heart.

The way a child finds no sorrow in it's days, I will too, look at the world in a sunlight so bright, there is no room for darkness.
When I am with you, I can know no sadness.

The way a child sleeps with a guardian teddy bear at it's side, to fight off every night terror, I will rest easy knowing you are beside me.
Your body pressed against mine, like perfect puzzle pieces.

The way a child day-dreams of anatomically incorrect hearts, and
cheek-kisses, I will dream of you and all of the butterflies you give me.

And the way a child believes from the bottom of their heart, that everything will be okay, I will give you my heart, and believe that you will not break it.

You always talked about falling in love, but what if I am afraid to fall?

What if I am afraid of heights?

Suspended in one beautifully, eternal moment.
The wind didn't blow, and world stood still.
The only way we could measure time was through our heartbeats.
You smashed your mouth to mine with a lust you couldn't hide, even
if you tried.
And your intentions became quite clear, then.
You were falling for me just as I was falling for you.
If only it was more than a dream.

Right now, life seems to be falling apart -
not the whole of life but the part that made my life whole.

How? How did I let myself fall into this trap, again?
This tangled web of what has already been weaved countless times before?

Many times, I have fallen into the depths of my own thoughts -
some claims true, many untrue.
How do I even know the truth is the truth anymore?
Are they the lies I've been fed that I now accept as the truth?

I find myself once again
in the same fall,
in the same failure,
in the same state of imbalance,
that haunted me last month, the month before, and several times last year.

When will these nightmares end?
When will I have the courage to acknowledge them?
When can I finally allow myself to fall?
to let go,
to get back up,
to trust the process and love again.

to stumble and often fall,
as you make your way along an empty road
but despite the hopeless passion of your blank
& vacant world, you’ll keep going, won’t you?

have you often dreamt of running away?
alone & staring at the walls wondering what went wrong, you’re living a life that wasn’t enough,
now realizing how quickly you were forgotten.

you must be very brave, to keep going,
when you can’t even see a destination.
you must be very brave, to remember,
when everyone else, so easily, forgot.

sometimes, when the lights are dimmed
and you can only lie there trying to dream,
you hear a low cry of someone breaking,
the sound of something ending.

even the most beautiful things feel pain,
stained with hidden memories.
even the most innocent human beings are crushed,
by a world that no longer cares.

do you want me to come back for you?
if you’ve lost your way again in those shadows,
I will bring a light of a million stars of hope,
so we can find a destination at the end of pain.

do you want me to come back for you?
if you’ve been forgotten and left behind,
I will paint a portrait of your soul
so that you will never again be lost.