You're not my type
Not in the slightest
But yet, there you are making me ever so nervous
And yet, here I am primping myself up for no reason
You're not my type
Not in the conventional ways
But yet, here you are saying my name and I blush
And yet, here I am writing about someone who doesn't notice me
You're an anomaly in my day to day functions and I am ready to explore
Whoosh, there goes my heart,
down into my chest
Whoosh, there goes my stomach,
sinking to the earth
Whoosh, there goes my steady knees,
shaking like a tree,
Whoosh, there goes my bated breath,
carried by a breeze
The big sink is always there when you care to think
Anxiety? Who's she?
Wash the dirt out of my hair.
Fox Academy lowdown.
Stone flannel in the wind.
Killer n a frown.
Hair long on 15th.
Watching the doors in the morning.
Mire more then ever.
over and over tired.
Take sadness for my fever.
There might be a road.
Take off your mask.
I’m scared of every.
Thing that you ask.
Oh Michael. That’s my middle name.
There is this girl named depression
She doesn't care if I'm happy
She will bring in bad news when i just got in a good mood
She doesn't care if I'm with a good dude
She tells me he just wants me to send nudes
I tell her to leave her presence isn't needed she doesn't listen
She wants to live with me forever
Whoever this may concern if you see her avoid her
you can feel it coming sometimes
the other part of life
the sad one
the anxious one
sometimes when you are alone
there is no happiness
maybe thats the real part or
just a phase
Your eyes peered straight into the depths of my soul and whispered, "Welcome Home."
My insane eyes are telling me to calm down
I see a fault, it’s always always mine
I have no chill, I’m breaking in my car now
I can’t return to how it was before
I wish I was a month ago or later
Cause it’s right now, the pain is growing still
The tumor grows until it melts my body
As I stand still every time the heat just rise
My flows are grating in the crows
My circumference is hiding
Making fine words are growing in time
“I let the world crush my bare leaf hands
And let the ground dissolve my footsteps
Maybe if things were aligned
I would be standing straight”
(That was the spark of it all. But now)
Grinning laughter kiss my face
So far under the duvet
Grammy has a fit, painters are so lit
Anything is fine
Home I am is number one
And so the crapping starts
My illusion is a ****
And I have no parts
Can I contract love?
Some things are like a disease
And do I have to say please
I cannot try to copy distance
I don’t know how to tell you I feel this
If I shared it with you, would you notice anything?
Would you just say cool and leave and make me shake again?
Sander on the laugh of cure
I know that you’re bored
I wish I could say anything
But what do you want?
Is it me or you
Who does these things that I do
I’m not trying to imitate you
I can’t swear on that
You are the reason I think
Really, on any of these things
No, not that one
Or grey hoodie
With red grungey text
That blurry photo but in higher quality
Where your knee is up there
Have you been there?
We could have been in the same room
You are rich
Rich beyond belief
I can imagine it
It’s not unimaginable
I fail to not find it unimaginable
I fail to picture your face crystal clear
Every mental image is from a still photo
My arrangement is gold
This a song that I came from
My direction is old
And I never will learn from
My sedation is gruesome
So I touch everyone
I wish I could be stronger and tell you the truth but
My solution is far away
From my willing cards
My ears are thin and they cannot hear anything
Everything is just a little lie
Nothing is kind and everything is full of crime
That’s too far but I just want to (die?)
My begottens are hybrid game
For the one who will catch my eye
My solution is great pain
For I wanted to try
Such a dangerous game and the wilder I’m smoothing
It’s the worse you see me
When I try to glide
My arms are a mess of the biggest mistake
My giant illusion is trying to wake
My senses are tingling
It sure doesn’t matter
What I am trying to do
I wish I could just hear your voice once again
But not a recording, something you do for me
Don’t sound like a robot
This is getting too personal
But don’t go away
(What even is this?)
Oh god I’m so nervous I can feel the ticking and rumbling and vibration of my heart and my skin and blood cells in my chest and my lungs and my hands and my feet and it’s making me feel all sweaty and dry at the same time and when I do this thing is it going to feel better or worse because it has been a long time since I have done this thing that I used to do all the time but in all the time that I have not been doing it I have just been thinking about doing it again but have been too nervous to go back to doing it and I can’t tell if right now is a good opportunity or if I start doing it it’s not going to last very long or it’s just going to make me feel worse about doing it in the future when I really want to be doing it all the time and then I would lose my opportunity to do it tomorrow because that might be a better time but I couldn’t do it again because of how badly I did it today but if I don’t do it right now I’m losing another opportunity as well and I need something to do now as I am just sitting here and I have to do it eventually or I’ll die of these feelings
I love you so much it hurts
Every time I do, the person leaves my life.
That’s why I’m terrified to tell you.
I know you’re accepting but I’m still scared to death.
What if my mom finds out?
What if you tell other people?
What if you leave my life too?
I just want to have a supportive community around me but it’s difficult when no one is.
I want you to know.
I need you to know.
But my mom is right there.
And I don’t know how to tell you.
Why am I so scared to just be myself?
Please help me to understand.