The first place you call yourself- a monster where you admit that you- are a liar Home is where you learn becoming human Tethered inside stitched up skin you have enough emotions to- spill out But home is- wanting for many things and getting none of them Half-feral and doing everything to not bite the hands that feed You fold and fold and fold until you are smaller- until you are not even really there at all
I want to climb every step to the rooftop of the tallest building i can find - and shout "YOU DO NOT DEFINE ME!"
I want to laugh in the face of the chemicals in my brain whose job everyday is to convince me that i am unbalanced.
I want to stand tall and continue living my life in plain view of the people who tried to keep me down.
For every 1 moment that I feel better There are 15 more where my hands shake for no reason or I get so overwhelmed that I literally force quit my existence Forcefully shut off my brain continue to find peace in the chaos.
I climb the steps to reach the top to yell from the roof tops But for every day that passes 2 floors are added to the top
the blind is broken on the back door where I try the handle maybe one two three four times before bed my foot treads wear a furrow into carpet pile patrolling by the mile a circuit I navigate from door to window and back again checking checking my doorbell's camera eye spies on the street outside intruder alerts on my phone warn of incoming...... something all so I can complete a nights sleep with one ear open tossing turning I have covered all eventualities except the Bogeyman in my head under the bed