it isn't a crime to miss you
but it's a crime to fall for you again.
and i am not a criminal
but memories like to replace
my happy thoughts these days.
is it the emptiness you left in me?
the letters i've thrown out?
the things i've done to impress you?
are they nothing to you now?
maybe that's why i feel lifeless
because you were a source of energy
that scared my darkness away.
without you i wallow in self pity.
come back.
we'll never be the same,
we'll never be that way,
but all i want for you to do
is come back.
and stay.
and as i lie
here on the ground
i cannot even remember
why i fell in the first place

but i also do not know
how to get back up either
Nicole Dawn Jul 3
I quietly watch you walk away,
Calling over your shoulder
  "I'll never leave you"

(But we both know you're never coming back)
Alexis Ingram Jun 26
You saw me at first as this bright, little flower.
You thought you wanted me so you plucked me from the ground, my safe soil.
You carried me home in the pocket of your flannel not realizing that I am slowly dying beneath your chin.
You didn’t care, you never did. You just thought I was pretty.

You then took me out your pocket and saw that I wasn’t as vibrant as when you first took me. Just know you did this.
My petals discolored from the neglect.
My stem weakened and broke from the damage of your words.
Roots plucked against my will.
You tossed me out your window and went back out to search for a more beautiful flower.
Too naive to realize that this is a never-ending cycle
and you will never get back what you once had.

Though, I hope you never read this
for you will see the truth
you will know of the harm you caused
when you pulled my fragile, little flower roots.
I have no idea what to say
words and prose abandon
thoughts and lines, no play
my rhyme and rhythm
in tension

Fires made from lesser stock
rubbing text gainst verse
not electrical, but shock
as poetry dispersed

Why O why the pains
straining against the tempo
everything again restrained
hiding deep, in shadow

Muse me this
or muse me that
every time a ruse
not what I had thought or planned
winding up
self abused
Why do words wrestle me so?
and confound and confuse?
not working where I want to go
not doing what
I choose?

:\
Julie Murphy Jun 24
I feel like having a go
At whoever set my lifes path
You've given me so much hurt
And left in the aftermath
Numerous abusers as a child
Then turned on by my mum
Who stuck by her husband
And threw me to the slums
Childrens homes and called a liar
Was my life there after that
Then let home to the mum
To become nothing but a door mat
With kids of my own Violent boyfriend took control Broke my nose with his head
And I sink deeper into a hole
I kicked him out and depression hit
I couldnt take much more
My sister came in to 'help' me out
And i watched my kids walk out the door
Only one week it was meant to be
But "your not better" i was told
Confidence rock bottom
My heart is about to fold
I fought and fought
Till my girls came home
I had never in my life
Felt that way,broken and so very alone
My eldest daughter wanted to stay
Didnt want to live with me
My family had poisoned her 12 yr old mind
As I was about to see
She wanted to live with her gran
The mother that still lived with 'him'
Not a thing i could do, her minds her own
And my mother acted on a whim
She sat my baby girl down
And told her in detail of what i said
About what her husband did to me
And put the word liar in my baby's head
My daughter hates me now
She believes her gran is golden
She told me i made it all up
And my world came folding
Anyone else i can take it from
I took it all for years
My mother knew what she was doing
By releasing my worst fears
My daughter call me a liar
Thats a weight i cannot take
I had to move away
Maybe this is really my fate
My baby comes to visit
And i refuse to let her go back
She really hates me sometimes
And i talk lots of flack
My sisters believe their dad
And wont speak to anymore
They all think im a liar
Which kills me to the core
One gets married in may next year
But im not invited to watch
I wont see her tie the knot
And i fall another notch
All I want is the truth to come out
But the game of waiting ive played too long
Good things are meant to come along
Why is it me always me in the wrong?
Will I get a happy ever after?
Get the truth and my family to know?
Cant see it ever happening
I need to get out this low
For now i sit and i pray
That my daughter will cleary see
Everyone else did all the lying
And i was just being me.
nihiliti Jun 18
black

like birds in gray skies

black like
the horizon when it dies

black like
flies weaving through the night
in search of light
shown down from
our artificial heaven

black like
a sea of forgotten things
buried beneath sickening
mounds of fresh filth
dredged from our
materialistic dreams

black like
my mother's eye
in the middle

like my father's lies
far from white
like the corners of my room
where I'd contemplate my doom
and wish for things
I shouldn't

black

like the soul at it's lowest
worn down to Tartarus
with all the little
demons that make a life
worth killing
and moreover
make such a thing fulfilling

black thoughts
sown by black deeds
give rise to evil things

evil breeds in
black ravines
where light's not
shown to these
forgotten
lonely
dead
dreaming things

deceased because you ceased to shine
There's something missing...
Deep Thought Jun 14
Today was the day.
Thinking how mad could I actually be.
Even thought of the ways I'd do the deed.
I knew exactly how to succeed.

All of this need to be taken from this world.
Runaway.

From the beginning,
I felt abandoned.
My 17-year-old birthmother gave me up.
Oh,
& my birthfather didn't even show up.
12 years later,
God took the only mother I'd ever known.
Abandonment.

I'm writing to the ones who drown in these turbulent waves.
Sympathizing with how suicide seems like the only outlet.
Especially when you sense is the walls closing further in.
Perhaps this is where we must begin.

We're all in pain.
Few of us choose to admit.

There must be people who ask "what's wrong?" & truly listen.
Don't assume you know what we're going through.
Chances are you have NO CLUE.

I told God this was truly my lowest point.
Even asked Him if He could sit by me & eat chips with me.
I believe He did.

The Holy Spirit began to say,
look at Matthew 4:1-11 the devil tempted me too.
Christ said,
I've been there & I didn't eat food for 40 days.
Which is why my Father sent me to save you,
& to show you how much I love you.

This was when all my worries passed away.
My hope is our stories will get better from here.
Matthew 4:1-11
Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward hungry.
James Jun 13
I have twenty two voicemails on my phone
None of them are really for me, none of them have a real purpose or meaning
But I cherish the red number on my screen
That unchanging figure stares back at me
Gives me a false sense of belonging I so desperately need
It tells me that my friends still call, they haven't noticed how much I've grown to secretly hate them and I wish I could just leave them all
That I am loved beyond their superficial depth and there is more substance in their friendship then feeding their god complexes
This bleak, meaningless number lulls me into a passive, sated silence
There are people who care, I haven't been abandoned by the people who claim to be your "real" family, you're more then the mule who carries their emotional baggage, I am loved
Their loyalty and support of me is evident by the concerned, empathic voicemails they leave me after they watch me crash and burn under the burden of trauma
They leave me loving voicemails, saying
"Press two to be placed on our do not call list"
Sara Mares Jun 11
And so the long night begins, so cold, so desolate. My sun has been stolen, locked away, so sudden. So deep is my grief, I can do nothing but scream. I hope the night will end and this is all a dream.
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