Alexa 59m

i sit here
dysphoria within me
plaguing me like a sickness
i wish everything they said was true
but people are people
and people lie
there's nothing i can do
about the lies people make
the lies that tell me anything is possible
should be replaced with
the truth that life is life
and that you don't get what you want
the lies that tell me to dream
should be replaced with
the truth that dreaming gets you nowhere
and dreaming can hurt
and the lies that tell me to pursue my hurtful dreams
should certainly be replaced with
the truth
that being anything i want from a figment of imagination
is not possible
and that the world lies.

it's not fair how the world and society itself feeds us lies when we're children
we grow up with this mindset and get crushed when we find out we have to make money
and do this until we're old.

Bread and circuses
some Roman said;
and I suppose that's it,
generation after generation,

fashions in clothes,
food and fads,
music and the dance,
the T.V. outlets,

the new networks
propagating viewpoints,
channelling or brain washing,
depending on your point of view.

The parents had it too:
the cinema, movie stars,
radio moulding mind's view,
war's demand and death

and a brand new world
and promises of more to do.
Bread and circuses
I guess still holds true.

Life and lies

we plant white lies like seeds in the fertile soil of stories—
perfect as a magic bean, we’ll climb skyscraper-high
to a world of gods and giants.

when reality sets in, cold as a vise and just as tight,
it’s unsurprising we cling desperately to soothing fictions.
given enough hope and rope, we’ll tie our own noose.

we’ve memorized the plot-lines,
can trace the hero’s journey
as the veins in our hands.

in fairy tales and holy texts, they say,
“love will save the day.” but i have never met
someone who can take the pain away.

You can't tell me these things , you just can't
The simple meaningless words you tell me
They mean everything to me
I will pick them apart and hold on to everybit
knowing they are nothing
Knowing it's not what it seems
But for someone like me your words mean the world to me
It's hard for me to distinguish the lies in your so called truth
I tell myself it is all a hoax
but I'm still falling for it

10/14/16
I used to be the most cautious when it came to loves dangerous game
but you made me reckless

he took a drag
of his cigarette
inhaling the truth
exhaling the lies
smoking the answers
she wanted to hear

* * *
No matter how many stay by your side

You can't count the true ones from the lies

In the end that's all the matters

at the peak of dawn
You're no one
You're alone
...

Fake friends...
Anomaly 2d

Thinking of you as these tears fall from my eyes,
No longer able to wear this beautiful disguise.
For you have shattered every part of me with your innocent lies.
Did you ever love me? Want me? Need me? Crave me as much as I crave you?
Just the feeling of your fingers,
Or the whisper of your words.
Missing every inch of you as though you were my treasure,
But now your feelings have changed and you've moved on like the weather.
Leaving me
beaten
bruised
and broken.
Now I'm left to forget the words that you had once spoken.

- I'm here, you're there

So sneaky, babe.
But you've played your last trick on me.
And your subsequent plan
—Execution close at hand—
Will never see the light of day.
I tried reason, I tried pleasing,
But no more do I pray,
I just watch the better times
Running in my head on replay.

Such an existence needs make way
For a truer form of living:
So I may be free,
So I may find true love,
So I may be me.
You're a cruel dove, you won't fly again.
You've spent so long clipping my wings
You've gone and taught me your trade,
So I know
Just where to pull the lever
To escape this cage.
Pushing over the metal box just right,
I have my first bite of rage.
You're splayed, encased on the ground,
My foot at rest on your chest,
Silk tongue held down
By my own sanding sound.

I feel your heart all flutter,
Pitter-patter, it's trying to run,
Underfoot, no more under thumb,
You know just what you've done.
Now who's the bird being caged?
Pliers in hand,
I do my grim work in this place,
I planned to be faster, but you once said,
"Take it easy, come slow dance with me."
This romance has darkened,
Both the this and the that,
It's no matter, I won't take mercy on you, gnat.
I just get confessions,
Now start with all of that.
Your mouth opens,
Out spills a cascade of inconvenient truths.
A pastime, you've taken everything,
Your words the only proof.
Crimes that will go unanswered for  
If I continue to surrender aloof.

So, I examined you whole,
Preparing for the coming procedure,
Which features my version of hell,
The same torture you did unto me.
It's all I know, the rest once innocence.
The scalpel leaves no holes, nor wholes.
I guess I'll have to examine you in parts.

You mugged my heart in the worst way,
You hurt me more than I ever could myself.

You stabbed me with words,
Leaving me silenced.

You made me beg on my knees,
Humiliating me all over again.

But I still forgive you,
By coming back.

I got played by your lies,
Pursuing me with your intentions.

Tracking down my weakest spot,
Taking advantage of my brand new emotion.

You make me mad for your touch.
But most of all, you make me want to die.

I’ve now stopped caring,
Just like the way you never cared.

You keep coming back with you excuses,
But this time you won’t leave with my heart again.

I slammed the door to my heart shut,
I locked it by carrying on.

The past I’ll never forget,
And the future I’ll never let you ruin.

I still can’t forget the scars you’ve given me,
So I’m regretting never hurting you.

You left me alone all the time,
And now I’m never staying.

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