ambient 1d

almost night
and it's been much the same
as last night,
only this time spent at the
edge of the bed,
so sorry for
myself.

when you're bunged up with mucus,
writing doesn't matter
eating doesn't matter
doing doesn't matter
nothing matters,
yet here I am.

it's been a rotten one so far,
but
figures —
you do what's needed
for surival.

9-23-17, 16:20
ambient 2d
ill

it's friday night
spent in the room
again,
covers pulled
high
over body & face
and curtains
drawn.

same old, same old;
only this time I'm
dying.

oh come on, man
get a grip!
why bitch about
the week's
burst seam,
ripped tights
and this?

unlike in the East,
they aren't
contemplating
the dropping of bombs
quite yet —
it's only flu.

so,
delight in the
granted privilege
of this moment
while it still
lasts.

9-22-17, 18:20
Seema 2d

I feel sick,
Sick of your
Presence!
I rather pick,
Pick myself up
With my senses
You see me weak
But I am strong
You won't get
What you seek
...Your thinking is
So wrong!
Stop showing
Me, that you care
People with golden
Hearts are so rare
You are not
One of them, liar!
Stop temperamenting
My mood, else you'll
Burn in hell's fire
Of your hopeless,
Madeup stories
Let me live in peace
Without any
anxieties and worries...

©sim

How it was few years back.

This Wildfire Smoke Global Warming Sinus Infection
Beat the shit out of me.
I've never experienced anything so HORRIBLE in my life!
I guess the good side to the story
Is that it TRANSFORMED me.
True,
It made me hateful and grouchy.
I didn't enjoy being crucified
By the greed of this Civilization,
But crucified I was
And I feel a bit different
As I gradually get off the Cross
Of Congestion.

Hunter Sep 15

After every battle that has raged
I think about how my life has aged
What have I become, what have I done
I stop running and lay down my gun
But I don't want it the end like this
I would rather it end with your sweet kiss
I sit on the cold ground, sore and sick
But getting back up that's the real trick
You see life is worth fighting for
But half the time that's my problem in this cold war
Maybe I should give up on this game called life
Now that all I have to fight is myself and a knife
I don't know why I have to be strong everyday
It's all been feeling like black and grey
Getting worst and worst day by day
All I can do now is pray

There hasn't been a day where I didn't think about everything, its a blessing and and curse.
Aaron LA Lux Sep 14

Trying Not to Lose My Mind

Life in the fast lane,
I’ve done alot more than most,
but no matter how fast you gas,
past catches up even the freshest bread becomes toast,

sick as fck,
somewhere in Eastern Australia,
been on antibiotics for 3 weeks,
on this rollercoaster so long forgotten how to get off,

I want to get off,
please I need just a bit of relief,
see I’ve always gotten everything I’ve ever wanted,
but it seems I’ve never gotten what I really need,

feeling queasy & uneasy,
in Fremantle just south of Perth,
want to throw myself up out of myself,
feeling intoxicated from toxins I need to purge,

want to stop this ride but instead it continues to surge,

life in the fast lane,
I’ve done alot more than most,
but no matter how fast you gas,
past catches up even the freshest bread becomes toast,

though no jam ma’am,
maybe some peanut butter though,
I’ll tell you the plan man,
it’s get into the system & get out the vote,

voted but Hope lost,
& Trump won,
which means it seems that world peace,
as an option is done,

in this chaotically crazy Funhouse,
ah Hell oh well at least it’s been fun,
House of Mirrors reflect the words from a mouth of Fear,
in a place where nothing is intended not even the puns,

sick as fck show’s almost over lights off get the fck out,

sick as fck,
somewhere in Eastern Australia,
been on antibiotics for 3 weeks,
on this rollercoaster so long forgotten how to get off…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆

There's no silver linings
No light at the end of the road
And I've been searching
...all on my own

The trees are losing thier leaves
Much like I am losing my hair
And the grass is growing it's weeds
And I'm seeing things that aren't there

Its these chemicals balanaced in my mind
That prompts me to find
Such sad little beings
Who love and live
As thoughts in my mind

I'm seeing faces in the shadows
Love in darkness
And happiness with the smoke in my lungs

And I'm done

So done with this constant ache
This soreness in my head
This brutal awakening
That I am dead

Not physically so because I still breathe
But inside of me, I bleed

I look in the mirror
And hate what I see
"Well change yourself!"
But that isn't me

And now I'm slumped on the couch
Listening to slow songs
Watching the room spin
Out of control

Wishing these thoughts weren't there

Ill

You know the feeling that you get when you miss a step
That feeling when you turned right when you should’ve turned left?
When everyone has left, that’s not the type of feeling that you should get
Doctors say it’s not normal to feel like you’re falling
While lying down in bed
Then say the drugs will make you stop feeling
And it won’t be all that bad
I do exercises that help me with my breathing
And I listen to what is said
But
You know that feeling that you get when you’ve tried something for the fifth time
And it still hasn’t worked
That feeling when everyone is telling you to stop worrying,
And still that feeling lurked
Doctors don’t know what causes that feeling to stay longer that it should
They say it’s a chemical problem
Do they understand that they haven't really made a breakthrough yet
And I’m afraid I know the problem
This can only be understood by those who have felt it
Doctor, this guessing game, is not working for your patients believe them

When they say it’s hard to wake up, it’s not just physical fatigue
When they say it’s hard to cheer up, it’s not just a chemical lack of harmony
When they say it’s hard to go on, it’s not just the brains longing for the happy pill

The soul is ill

I'm so tired you guys. I can't go on living and no one gets it. Even my medication doesn't know what to do... it's driving me crazy. I'm venting. Gosh I'm useless.

seven shades of shit and puke
stuck to the soles of my shoes,
eight days straight drunk before noon.
new flat, new fake friends,
all blowing smoke and jostling me
through musky basement staircases
into dismal dust filled rooms.
where you're waiting for me with
this heavy fog that clogs my pours and follicles
making me feel dumb and unclean.
making my words wet and sticky,
they cling to life unyielding,
falling at my feet, falling short of expressing
their own inadequacy.
and i shuffle uncomfortably around
in the puddle of my words. they
stick to the soles of my shoes like puke,
and the stench summarises me perfectly.

drinking again seems to be making writing harder, probably won't be uploading much until i work it out.
Carly Sep 7

There are still lessons to be learned.
His love tightens around her throat,
While his words take stabs to her heart.
Unconditional love makes up for her pain.
She's forgiving.
He's sick.
And I can't take it anymore.
I'm unfamiliar with the art of protecting and defending.
I, too, choke on my words.
As actions speak louder,
She will cry again.
I will give pass her a knowing look.
They will speak redundancy.
How much more can she take?
No more scoffs and oh's
She's the source of my stubbornness.
She's the only beginning I know.
She'll curse me to the pits for thinking like this,
Death can't come any quicker,
To this ugly fat f*cker.

my, now disowned, uncle abuses my grandma, his mom. He has cancer now and is dying. He is her baby. My mom, his sister, has attempted to get her help but she constantly forgives him and claims there is no trouble when police arrive. Outsiders, think it's "crying for attention" because it happens a lot. For the past 40+ years. She does everything for him, laundry, pays his bills, cooks his food, etc. He once had a wife and kid but they saw his ugly and ran. I miss my cousin. My grandma signed her house over to him when he had his family around and he holds that over her head bc he knows she has nowhere to go. He makes her cry. My mom's house is small and full. It's not fair but karma is catching up to him and I'm glad. If it's evil of me to be ok with him dying then so effing be it. He is nothing to me but a bag of bones.
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