I used to think life would be perfect, never a frown on my face
I’d have a perfect figure and always travel with grace,
I could pick my man from a catalogue that’s grown fit for a queen
I never thought that the people I loved could ever be so mean.

Life kind of just hit me not waiting ‘til I was ready
Knocked me from my stance in which I was so steady
It changed me as a person, a person that’s not me
It has changed me into everything I don’t want to be.
Sometimes I just can’t grasp it with the help of all my friends
It’s like trying to wrap your arms around a tree that never ends.

When I look in the mirror I despise what I see
The person starring back doesn’t resemble me,
She’s quite a different person with her heart so out of place
She becomes invisible when the tears run down her face.
She built a wall of shame around her soul and let’s no one in
She can fool you with her smile even though she cries within.
She keeps her feeling locked up in her heart
So when she’s all alone is when she falls apart.

I act as if I have it together and everything is in place
But when you’re not looking the tears begin to race
While people surround me I pretend not to care
My heart bleeds in pain when they are not there.

When my stomach gurgles with rage, you think its indigestion
But what is broken is more the appropriate question.
What is broken cannot be fixed so don’t worry my friend
I’ll take this curse from the beginning to the very end.
Help me if you can listen, help me if you will
But I can’t cure this curse because there is no pill.
I was just a young child when I was first diagnosed with leukemia. A young girl who’s fate would have brought her to the grave. But look at me now. I am standing here in front of you and although I may be far different from all of you on the outside, I am still a person on the inside. My physical scars in time will heal, but my emotional scars will remain forever.

The Curse refers to the side effects of radiation treatment.
Ill
I feel sick in my soul
Sour aftertaste of my inner thoughts
Chase it down with some Heineken
Then sleep till morning breath
I shared my dream with you
It wasn't easy for me
Then you gave up
Told me you had to get real

It was a mistake trusting you
Thought I could share my dream
But for you it wasn't enough
How do you think that makes me feel

I don't give a fuck what you do
I must have a disease
I thought if we shared our love
It might help me heal
I can't belive you...
never drink from the same cup as someone who is sick
but dear you still pressed your lips against mine and swallowed my sadness
now you caught my disease
folie à deaux; the shared disillusionment of two
do you miss your sanity?
Billy 3d
between the sweat
on the sick bed, i circle stray satellites
clustered on the ceiling. i let bliss speak

and leave me weak.

     my sun
slow licks my lips:
a fire spit. hot tongue. bony hipped.
i strum his back. his skin
and soul.

i reach fever pitch
     and burn up 'til i hit
the floor.
healing is hard
I’ll see you in the future.

I’m going to say, “I miss you.”

You’ll tell me words are hollow. “If you really miss me, show me.”
You’ll say, “I have two kids now. Doesn’t that bother you?”

I’ll admit, “I know. It’s okay.”

You’ll be entirely made up of mechanical gears and electrical circuits, with light emanating through the cracks in your skin.
I shouldn’t mind. It will be me who makes you this way, after all.

As we push further into the future, you’ll be less impressed with every hour that goes by. That’s how she was. So that’s how you’ll be.
Maybe I’ll be sad to see it, but I’ll be happy knowing that even if my perfectly imperfect creation decides to leave, like she did, you won’t get so far before you’re completely drained.

And only I will hold the key to restart your heart.

Just as she has held the key to mine, all this time.
I was so afraid to love you.
Freddie Ruiz Jun 23
It’s so annoying that you constantly call me every 5 minutes, just to ask me what I’m doing.
It’s so annoying how you think I’m up to something when I don’t answer when you call me.
Now, what the hell happened to you? You were so cool when I first met you.
Now I can barely see what’s ahead of me, ‘cause 24/7 all I have in front of me is you.

It’s so annoying that when I’m trying to sleep you don’t stop calling me and texting me.
It’s so annoying that when I call you the next morning, I have to listen to you whining.
I’m just so sick of seeing your face, you don’t even give me room to breathe.
You’re talking to me at a pace I can’t keep up with and I feel it’s slowing down my thinking ability.

It’s so annoying when you try to control me.
It’s so annoying when you argue over nothing.
It’s so annoying when you stare at me like you own me.
Don’t you get the hint?
It’s so annoying how you whine like a little baby.
It’s so annoying when I try to understand your thinking.
Everything you do to me is so annoying.
Don’t you get the hint?

I can’t escape from you, even when I’m by myself.
In the middle of a dream I see your annoying face.
When I think you’ve vanished, you pop out of nowhere.
This is it, screw this, you’re a nightmare.

So, what if I made the first move?
I only did it, ‘cause I thought you were cool,
but then I got to know the real you.
I’m not kidding, woman, there’s something wrong with you.
So, what if we’ve been dating for a month?
What, now you think you own my world?
After you annoying the hell out of me in such a short period,
I’d be crazy if I stay with you one more minute.
Written on September 20, 2007
Composition number: 282
A pessimistic outlook on this blue planet
is the only way I can trudge through my shallow, pitiful existence.
Pear pressure digging a hole in my peace
and tossing the dirt to the side like it means nothing.
The brooding pitter patter of earth against earth turning me into an empty shell.
The quiet sobbing of the girl I used to be echoing loudly from within this now vacant space.
Each and every word that spills from between my lips wilting with my cancerous mind.
Tumors swelling in my hippocampus causing me to both never forget, and always forget all at once.
The diseases within my corpse-like body sinking my eye sockets
and leaving my heart for dead.
I might as well be a zombie
everybody would rather have me dead
then deal with my ugly face and diseased flesh.
I wish,
I could be a storyteller.
Telling the untold story from the past and a dead soul.
Here I continue to write these never ending poems,
About some guy I never knew,
Someone I'll probably never really care about,
Because apparently:
It's still not out of my system.

I don't know how many more
Verses or lines this will take,
To pour this all away from my insides,
So I'm sorry if your sick
Of me constantly plastering this everywhere.
You're probably wondering how I'm still not over it,
Because every collection that I have,
Nowadays this always seems to get in somewhere.

I even dedicated a whole project to it,
Some kind of twisted devotion because I thought it might help,
They say I've had too much dissociation.
Those contradicting professionals,
Say this isn't good enough either:
I'm just not doing something right,
And my agony is wrong;
I'm not doing traumatic recovery right,
Even though if you ask me, there hasn't been any "trauma".

If you're sick of it,
I understand.
I'm sick of it too,
But keeping this inside,
It just won't do,
But I'm still told I'm not
Releasing my anguish anyway.
This is truly how I feel right now.
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