There is more to living
Than just a breath
Or a heartbeat being
Just as there is more to swimming
Than the ocean
And the pools filled with meaning
There is always more
I love it when my mind turns off. When my thoughts are no longer thinking and I can finally find myself, simply being, in the words. You know? That peaceful rest where your eyes are full and your mind is quiet with thought?
It's like the settling of the sea after a cup of wavy caffeine. Awake, alert, alive, but free. One with the simple truth of being. I am, though I will not be forever. And THAT is OK with me.
At peace and loving it.
In night’s black expanse I envy the moon while it sits.
Jenga blocks on the window sill, joy neatly stacked.
Jumping through pane scatters joy to the ground.
Wet sand finds my feet falling,
as suffocating jellyfish plead the tide to drown them.
They, like my feet, miss drowning.
The tide of despair numbs my head,
leaving shock waves in my toes.
Wetly embraced by sea, air bubbles trace my appendages,
curious to see how silly jellyfish must find drowning.
They glow down here and die in water pulses already drowned,
to become jellified moons in a sodium-filled coffin.
Jenga blocks wish to stack me back on the moon
but I seep in silent raptures with gelatin halos of deadly splendor.
Death Moons at the bottom of existence,
too deep to envy.
Sea smiles stretch my face skin, while wooden frowns sink.
I look up to the moon, I glow with envy,
as drowning takes its seat.
I want to dive into the swimming pool
Before I dive into your heart
Hugging you in the water is an indescribable feeling
The sound of the heavy rain pouring down at the pool
Your face surrounded by raindrops
And a feeling of warmth in a cold water
Kiss me under the rain
A waterfall all ready to pour out.
But not a single drop trickles down.
It's all in
and breathing ;
I am crying words,
but there are no tears.
My tears are becoming the sea within. My tears are words that I shed.
In the summer of 19’ I fell
Maybe we’re meant to be where there is no being
Under the back door sunset of your red 200
The year of checkered shoes and tequila
Screaming Frank Ocean over your engine so we could inhale our likewise tremors
Maybe, just maybe, we’ll live through our entwining melodies forever
Constellations dappled your cheekbones as such breathtaking accents to your coral reef pools
The pools I was all too familiar with
Ones I had drowned in
Maybe I’ll remember you in Savona
A straw hat complimenting your auburn hair
Your warm skin against mine as we skinny dipped into untold measures of time
Not knowing how fast I would have to let you go, and have slow it would take to recover
Tell me you’ll miss me and I’ll forget
Because time doesn’t stop
And neither does our young hearts.
Swimming hand in hand
isn't easy, we take a rest –
with salty kisses.
"Grand Hotel Europa" (2018, Ilja Leonard Pfeijffer)
Collection "Loves Tricks Gains Pains in the 0s and 10s"
There is sunshine all over my face,
Oh but when will I see the light?
A bright blue veil covers all of space
Yet only clouds are seen in sight.
And figuring out a way out of it
Feels like swimming in the dark
Being dragged by the undercurrent
Holding breathe to find a spark
Yet I’m bathing in the sunlight
But the wind is growing cold
Merriment remains a surprise
Like all the things that I can’t hold
So I grasp onto this feeling
A promise in which I can hide
I call vain hopes my fortress
Holding solitude by my side
I see the light is still abounding
Outside the confines of where I’m bound
All the plants are thirst aquenching
While necessity cannot be found.
Written in March 2019.
there we were, him laughing
and i couldn't have imagined it if it wasn't real--
that's why i knew it was
when he was looking at me with those brown eyes and dark skin and hair that could be run through with my fingers for a thousand different lifetimes--
a thousand different stars,
that's what we all are,
looking down from space at the display of dirt and sea and breaths from the fresh expanse--
it's in moments like these, that i am both confined and delivered in his eyes
that i notice the universe
hanging by the threads of a thousand different existential realities
it's in moments like these, that i am laugh-happy and dreaming
running, my hair in my face,
him by my side, the world at my feet
i'm both bad and angel
i'm flame and i'm coal-walking--
i am the universe,
i am the fire.
this is what love must feel like