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I feel too much and even though it's great at times
I also hate it, because I can't control my emotions.
It's like caging an animal born in freedom,
you'll only end up hurting yourself if you try.

And I have tried, believe me.
I've tried so many times.
And I've come to realize it doesn't matter
whether I try to cage them in or let them run free,
it's always me who ends up being hurt.

And it ******* hurts.
It makes me not want to be me.
It makes me not want to live.
Because I can't express the things roaming
inside of my mind, my veins and my heart.

I'm going crazy inside my private circus
I'm the clown, the elephant,
the ballerina and the ringmaster
how am I supposed to balance all these roles?
It's no wonder I'm going mad
and tearing myself up from within.

Help! I need help, but the help won't reach me
since I convince myself every time that I need no help.
Because I'm afraid to be weak, for others to see me as weak
and that's my own problem: I'm my own kryptonite.
Aenri Sion Jun 30
My only job is to make you happy
Even though sometimes I become sloppy
Seeing you smile is a gift for me
My heart flutters, I'm in full glee

Impersonating cartoons
Making animal balloons
Are all the things that I do
Starting from daylight, ending in full moon

Kids and kids at heart
I've been with them from the start
If they are sad, wanting to break apart
They come to me and all will restart

However, there are times that they can't see
What is behind, what is happening to me
All the sadness and pain that I wanted to erase
In my heart, they all started to raise

The circle of thoughts and emotions
All coming out in different motions
Wanting me to break up, leading me destruction
Setting me away to a sadder direction

Although it comes, I won't let it be
Distract me from my thoughts or even hurt me
For their smile, whenever I see
The sadness and pain vanishes from me

For them, I promise to continue
The things that I do
Performing acts in circus show
That all the hearts would shine and glow
There’s not always glory behind that mask
A thousand stories are shadowed with that mask
He may be correct or may not be in this busy conundrum of a life
Perhaps, he is wrong in the circus
Maybe one day, he’ll put off his mask and
Unfold his real performance
Spit out his catastrophes
Blurt out his bitter truths
And there’ll be no applause
Just an unwanted silence
Ed C Jun 21
Gloom rolled into town
like a caravan circus
vintage and ragged
rusty and golden
the metal tent reflected
a land before time
maybe from the old movies
when the elephants wore hats
still, and the women danced
long legged, **** and sweating
as their toes kicked up
leaving little to mystery.
The gloom has its trapeze highs
and it’s netted lows, a feeling
of falling through time,
through space, being caught
right before the big SPLAT.
The net between the gloom
and the bright lights
catches me like a spiders web,
totally and completely
but not enough to feel less lonely.
There is a tight rope of thought
instead of a train, in my brain,
i am constantly balancing,
a crowd of roaring people,
spitting people, animals
howling in the gloom
at me, laughing at me
throwing peanuts
at me
as i try to balance on the rope.
i really wanna go to the circus but not this circus this is a depression circus not a fun circus
Despair Jun 18
I’m Sorry

You are my most regrettable sin,
Forever with you, I shall sit alone…
In a field full of fractured seeds, waiting to be sown.
For you, I will grow a thicker skin.
Just so that with you, I can suffer through this grin.

My father took me to a circus.
It was one of those old fashioned ones. They’d used animals, still.
I’d seen that animal within its cage, its disposition all too similar to my own
It mattered not if I was onstage, or offstage.
There was not a moment where you or I did not ‘cheat out’.

Stage left.
Stage right.
Back Stage.

You and I were the clowns who ‘played’ everywhere.
For I, the jester was the only personality that I could encage
It didn’t matter in which way that they would stare
As long as my smile could be seen, it didn’t matter if it was more
than I could bear.

In my act of selfishness, It was you that I had made
Because I could no longer wear this jester’s mask alone.
And for this sin, I know that I shall never atone
I stole you away from your promenade…
Peeled you from a novel that was never mine.
Brought you into my life, where you were never meant to shine.

But I couldn’t bear it…
This biological function
The need to never be ‘alone’
If I had only known… god, if I had only known.
That my idea of strength was ‘sad’
And incomplete, like a forgotten draft upon a sketch pad.

Those childhood memories could never resonate within you, nor I.
We were xerox copies, printed within a black room
Duplicates, whose polaroid had bled, stained with obsidian dye.
I made you with the selfish request- to pick up the mask when I could no longer bear it
‘Please protect me’, I’d said. What a horrible sin that I commit.

For I should have known. Even ‘good’ memories are made at the expense of others.
The animals who put on their show, only to lay, as if dead within their cells.
The young actors and actresses, who will never again see their mothers.
To the ring leader, who wonders… Why does he deserve this hell?
Finally, that smiling jester… Whose world as long since lost all of its colors.
MB Lewis May 22
Gleaming and glittering with gold
Wonderous surprises for young and for old
From the isolated jungle where the cameras roll
To the handheld screens where cosmetics are sold

Years before you'd peak in a tent
To look at the lobster boy and the girl with four legs
Call them a freak, laugh, run and hide
After you left, the freak sat and cried

Today we sit back in our comfortable seats
Ignoring real heroes who achieve great feats
To gawk at the rich man who can barely read
And laugh at people with mental disease

The modern-day freak show has arrived
The circus has evolved before our eyes
Being taught to point and laugh at those that are different
Is a gateway drug to prejudice and racism
Ola Gia Apr 29
Welcome! Welcome! You're at the Circus of Plat,
Come take my hand and never look back.
Let's raise our voices, our smiles and hands,
listen to the trumpets that play in the band.

Boys and girls, it's time for the tour.
Stay on the path to avoid the big cat's claws.
Ignore them sobs from far away,
they're just from the others who didn't play.

You see, here at Plat, we have some rules
Clear cut, dear cut, as rigid as jewels.
Working Progress
julianna Apr 12
Spinning metal hoop
The beauty starts with pain
Learn man in the moon,
Advance to double elbow hang.

It hurts behind the knees,
The first time is the hardest
Your hands get callus-y
But you’ll feel like such an artist.

White chalk will dust your hair
And after class you’re stiff,
But first time in the air,
And you’ll always have that aerial itch.
Draft... I might add more later
La Girasol Feb 14
I hold an impossible mirror above my head, just out of reach.

The audience can't see it, only me.
They clap and laugh and grin while I do my routine.

Meanwhile something hangs overhead.

So I'll do the dance, I'll put on the show, I'll do what they want.

But I scream within,
for mirror shards are no fickle sin.

"More! More!" they chant.

So I hold up the mirror instead.

But they know no difference.
For the mirror,
is what they've always been fed.
Exotic tightrope walker
Trying to balance on your attacks
Failing to grasp
Why she keeps tumbling to the hard ground
A flexible contortionist
Twisting into a pretzel to please your desires
Apparently not flexible enough
You're greedy-- never content
Unfortunately not a reincarnation of Houdini
She can't escape your chains that bind her
You're the crazed ringleader
Words your whip leaving welts
Open invisible wounds
She can't seem to heal
In your circus she struggles
Clowns resembling death
Dance around her, throwing her down
You sat her on the dunk tank
Full of acid disguised as water
Hit the button dropping her
She can't resurface
Drowning in the acid that is you
Trying to tame the tiger
Never to realize it-- you
Can't be tamed
Always to be the gorgeous star
To your ongoing, fatal, black circus.
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