returning to familiar ground
is, at this point,
never pleasant
or at least it isn't now

faces i hoped never to see again
smells i can only pick up there
sounds that attack my ears, unique to this space
it's all coming back to me now

jagged edges of the lights
the colors
the voices
ripping me apart each day

the same mechanical words rise like bile in my throat
burning vomit fills my mouth, escaping through my nose unbidden
the same mechanical words, once thought purged from me
leave me uneasy

my mind is crying out
not again
not again
and i'm meant to smile and be joyful

i must be grateful for the friends i don't deserve
love i don't cherish with my whole heart
spaces and feelings that will never be mine
family, torn asunder from within and scattered to the winds

am i meant to believe that things will get better from here?

Gage B Jan 10

Like body, Like heart
Such is the way that one tenses
just as one crushes
and set aside your thoughts as only temporary
Until you exercise that muscle
and your heart
creates untemporary love

Like body, Like heart
Such is the way that tolls take within
that sacred temple you keep hidden
And bring her in secret to be alone
Until she leaves without notice
and your heart
aches for her return

You know that it was unconditional. Were you afraid? What did I do to have you decide that leaving was the better choice?

Gage B. 2018

How fertile your smile
How futile my defenses
It gave birth to peaceful, dead silence
In a universe of animated cacophony and stubbornness
As we track the movement of the stars
Gliding across terra firma, fervently
When flesh of the palms ascend to join
No lie survives
Once both hearts have submerged
Into
In two places
Between desire and the depth of the Caspian.

In between twin flame frames
Where our passionate, intimate orations' tempests
Stir our souls' embers to rising temperatures
Tempting a Titan high to fight the Gods.

I pray to the four corners of this domain
That if I can't hold on to forever
That you'd consider changing your name to "This Moment".
With permission, I'd gladly embrace your present presence.
-
Ifeanyi N. Okoro II © 2018

mk Dec 2017

i wanted to
come home for spring
tasting the sunshine
hidden behind curtains
the flowers that bloom
in my nani's garden
the smell of
the city i love & the
sounds of familiarity and love
the popcorn that lingers in
cinema halls and
the wind against your skin
driving down the main road
no laws, no hurt
the sun, the dirt
it's all so close to
home

but then
it hits me

home
is empty

you left and took
the sunshine in
your pocket
the seat next to me
in cars, and cinemas
forever empty from
now on
and what's the point
of going back home
when emptiness and
loneliness is
what greets me at the
front door and why
should i come
stay after all i love
has subtly washed away
the day you chose
to leave;
not stay.

- goodbye march, goodbye home
Bella Nov 2017

I love you.
I could say it in my sleep
I love You
it's a beautiful string of words
I love you
& it can be used in so many different ways

“I love you”
would you,
Pretty
Pretty please do that for me

“I love you”
I'm sorry

“I love you”
Please, return

“I love you”
you are Beyond important

“Hey-- I love you”
I would die to protect you
Over
& Over again

&“I love you”
I love you on the brink of Tears.
when you're consumed & the Darkness & are desperately reaching for the faded light
the light that usually says,
"ya, by”
or “goodnight”
sometimes without even noticing the tears Welling in your eyes
the Cracking in your voice
the Shaking of your reaching hand

this is the “I love you”  that needs a hug
& to cry
but what it really needs
in order to roll the boulder off  your chest & relieve your lungs
is there a turning
“I love you”

When I need you most, please don't just leave the conversation without returning my I Love You. Please.
A Nov 2017

It came thru on a dagger
Spending my last earn faster
Sped up the toxicology to my master
He leans in with a coarse demeanor
Contemplating courses to make it last her
Devils worship in his eyes are blacker
Souls deepen their bloodied grips harder
Speculation drives the people’s brain madder
Insisting on it’s return to the last crater
We push our own to the edge quicker
Lava molding our faces with anger
Desperately gnawing for clarity's charger
Creating glimpses of light for the masses

Leigh Marie Nov 2017

I spend hours trying to understand
why you still care
when I should address why I do, instead
I don't think bout you often anymore
But when I do, I think bout how i hope you can't get my smile out of your head, that you wonder how I am

But most days, I wish that you hit every red light on the way to class
that you forget your phone charger at home and your iphone dies halway through your three hour lecture,
on a Monday,
at 9 am

Some days, I hope that the left bud of your headphones break
that all your lays chips are crushed, even though the bag is all air and no potato

I rarely think of you, but when I do, I hope that you lose your last guitar pick
and your brother leaves your aux cord at home,
again

I hope that all of your mac and cheese is just a little to watery and that you lose all of your left socks

On the days I think of you, I wish you uneven laces
and rain on your birthday

I wish you a hole in the crotch your favorite pants and
the parking spot furthest from the entrance

I hope only radio commercials for tampons
and a brain freeze

I wish you forget the last page of your paper in the printer
I wish you forget me

I wish you lose my number
and hope you lose the desire to text me, again

cause maybe if you forget it will be easier for me too
and I won't have to wish you bloody noses and a really big hang nail anymore

after Dry Cake Wishes and Tap Water Dreams by Rachel Wiley
cait Oct 2017

i miss myself.

the smell when i got out of the shower
my laugh
looking in the mirror and smiling
telling people i love them

when did being myself become something that wasn’t important anymore?

where did i leave myself?
tRevor gUmede Oct 2017

"Amongst the money, the cars
The shoes and the clothes
Lies bitches bitches bitches
And strippers and hoes"

Have i covered it all
Have i covered our down fall
How we lost ourselves
Befor we even began

How we lacked pride
Lost our innovation
Set exploring aside
For sexual presentations

Thats all the music says/shows now
And still you dance along
Cause Sundays you bow
God will surely forgive after all

"He should understand we are humans
Our urges are greater than their consequence
Boys will be boys
Girls are their toys"

Well my sisters aren't property
So address them by their name
I wish them equality
And not be instruments of lust and fame

The media focus on music "mainly Pop and hip hop" doesnt potray our fellow sisters in a dignified light... i get sex sells.. but enough is enough...
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