The only word I hate
Because it is always said
When a person leaves me behind
And never return.
Don’t get too close
You'll only end up hurting
You see I'm locked inside
My own mind
And no one can save me
Not the Boylan staff
Not my friends
Not my teachers.
I'm locked inside
My own pit of evil.
Of anorexia, bulimia, PTSD,
depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
And the further I go up,
Or the more positive I am,
Means a further fall back down.
Yet some still wonder why
I'm locked inside
My ex showed-up again today.
Although, she’s not been here for years.
I wish she’d go away.
I feel, once more, that stabbing bite;
That poison dagger in my back
that twists at thoughts of her.
Those certain songs I hear at night,
or in some random woman’s hair
re-lives when love went bad.
But painful memories will fade;
at least that’s what I’ve heard them say.
Time heals the broken heart.
I wonder when that starts.
Let go of hurtful memories (do as I say, not as I do.)
He yells, all the spiteful words
to remind me that my life is his possession
giving my existence no value.
Emotions invade my head
A painful sensation sets through me
so painful to hold them back
I breathe in then out gradually
being sure he doesn't hear my attempt
to prevent these threatening tears from running effortlessly down my face
to avoid him knowing he effects me this way
yet he does, its agonizing
distasteful so simply to the sound of his voice
waves of painful threats. waves of sadness and hate
I have to breathe, dont you dare not for one second
let him see the misery youre in
smirk and smile youll be over it in awhile
3 seconds in
hold 3 seconds
all cuts need their time to heal properly
when they're ready
do not touch what's painful when it's still burning
let them cool down at their own pace
healing takes time.
Even if things are painful and tough,
people should appreciate
what it means to be alive
I've been dealing with some pretty personal issues and thought up this
Do you still remember how you would take silly pictures of me just trying to get my attention so I'll do back the same too? I miss that feeling
Do you still remember you asking me if im hungry? So caring.
Do you still remember we would always eat ice cream after our meals? You love those chocolate cone.
Do you still remember bringing me for a ride to the place i requested? That's where we talk about our life.
Do you still remember you would bring me to your friend's event even though im not invited? Sorry for making you left out.
Do you remember helping me to clean my small wound and place a plaster for me?
Do you still remember you came down to my place? We ate dinner together that day.
Do you still remember making breakfast for me? It felt like im happiest ******* earth.
Do you still remember i dozed off at ur bed and woke up in the middle of a night finding for you and straight texted you asking you where were you? You were eating at the kitchen, i was worried.
Do you still remember you would make sure i have enough money to go home and make sure im home safely?
Do you still remember how many times i made you sad?
Do you still remember what's the promises you made before we cut contact?
Do you still remember you hugged me that one night and i hugged it back tightly didn't want to let go? I didn't want you to see me crying it hurts because i know no matter how much i try its never ur expectations.
Do you remember those promises?
I always broke ur promises
But i kept one of our promises till today. I promised you I will never leave, i promised me, i promised us
Till today im still waiting, been a year dear.
What happened to the promises that you say you're gonna prove to me?
Bring me back to the moment even if its for awhile.
I miss you till today
I am sick of all this fantasy,
The interrupting memories
And the pain that screams inside the walls of me
In a prison kept there for risk of my insanity.
And where can I scream it all out
Without it coming back to me,
Lurking around to smother me inside it’s mocking misery?
You can tell I couldn’t think of a title.
Parting is always painful.
It all ends with a goodbye.
May it be said or not,
or its reason, a truth or lie.
Parting is always painful,
for you'll never know when you'll meet again.
May it be soon or never at all,
you'll always hope, anticipate,
no matter how small.
Parting is always painful.
Especially when the last you'll see is a smile.
Hiding the hurt, the regrets, the miles,
Giving an illusive dream you'll see it again
though you know that won't happen.
I'm tired of the pain,
all the love I've given in vane.
I have my flaws, I've made my mistake.
but here I am with a heart that breaks.
I'm tired of the fire,
the ash in my heart is dire.
It's such a shame for my love to go to waste,
In a cage of thorns my heart is placed.
I'm tired of caring,
our love was daring.
I've forced a smile,
through all of this trial.
I'm tired of the tears,
I'll lock them away for years.
With a crooked crown here I sit,
upon my throne my broken heart will split.