a fire started in her rose garden
there were no hearts to find them red
no love left in the floral scent hidden in smoke.

there's a birthday party on the other side of the fence
the sound of water and the wind pushing leaves.

staring at your famous solitude
wearing a cloak covered with dead stars

i’ll trade with you the curls of your hair
for the busted smile on my face

is the only place left where we can trace our fingers
in the sand against the vast grey tides
by the shore of the black rocks
where broken shells find sanctuary resting beneath sad
rotten trunks of dead wood beached by the side of me next to you

when i was little i made parachutes out of letters i'd written.
none would ever fall so far away.
but the words on the ground were enough to tell stories of my growing up.

i heard silence crash land on the field of my sorrow
saw the blood of my dreams drip on the soil of memory

there were no crows cackling, there was no obsidian
i cried so much, i cried about yesterday in my heart.

ryan 22h

The two of us play the same
note with the sounds of our lives.

Our timbre, however,
makes them unlike:

the wisp of a butterfly;

a supernova.

I guess I should start by saying that I don't really believe in other universes or alternate dimensions.
But sometimes I like the idea of manipulating where I am now into something... better?

Only to find that I'm not in that kind of better place.

So... until I reach that realization again, here I go.

In another universe, we met at the auditions for my first musical. I wasn't scared to audition because I finally wanted to put myself out there as a singer.

We both get chorus parts... figures.

In another dimension, I was told to pursue my music career like it was the most important decision I was ever going to make.
I stick with it.

In another timeline, I spent every lunch hour making friends laugh at my dumb jokes.

In another universe, I never lost those friends.

In another timeline, those texts never made it to their phone. Maybe they didn't even get on the ship.

In another dimension, I never stopped hugging you.

In another world, I stuck with friends I had.

In another universe, there was never that fight. We never had a falling out, and there was never a time where we stopped being friends.

In another universe, I never got on that plane to Paris.

In another timeline, I finally recovered from losing all my friends. I finally got better.

In another dimension, I stopped writing about how much the past 5 months broke me.

In another universe I never hesitated to text anyone for fear of interrupting their life.

In another world, I never recover.

In another dimension, I never get over it. I let it consume me and I commit suicide. I never said anything to let anyone know when the end would come.

In another world, I spoke up and said I miss you.

In another dimension, we never met.

I guess that would be a sad place to be.

In another universe...

It never rained on the pride parade downtown. It stayed sunny, and people kept walking in full glow of their personality.

In another world, I did something or said something worthwhile.

In another dimension
In another universe
In another world
In another life...

I was gonna be okay.
And I knew somehow...
That we'd be there.
Together.

But none of these alternate realities exist.
I guess I just like the idea of another outcome.

Anything... anything but where I am now.
Alan Crilley May 26

They say "take a picture, it'll last longer" but
all these things happening prove my mind is stronger.

Well, I burned all the photos and crumpled all our notes,
just to take them out the trash and make some paper boats.

They all would float away and sink when soggy wet,
but they just stuck at the bottom like the thoughts I can't forget.

You are an enigma -
Kind, generous, selfless,
But still a mystery I want to solve.
I scan your penned notes in the books I borrow -
You have literally given me your thoughts in the pages.
I add my own,
As if my penciled remarks could connect me to you,
But it isn’t enough.
There is still something about you I don’t know,
Something about you I don’t know but I think I can find,
I think I can find through this, searching.
The solution to every worldly problem
Can be found in a book -
Because asking is for the weak,
Discovery, for the stubborn.

My favorite note of hers so far is "narrative as a coping mechanism in a chaotic world," which seems appropriate.

She was standing invisible
By the noisy stage
Fleeing from the blinding light
From poisoning people
Suddenly her song has played
She danced and danced and danced
Climbed the night up
Slid the notes down
Each curve formed into a masterpiece
Each beat brought her up and up and up
Each tune leaded her to the farthest zenith
And suddenly
Her song finished...

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