Why can’t you tell me?
This family is not my own.
Well they may be but they don’t act like it.
I see them everyday.
I see them smile, laugh, cry,
But why don’t they feel like mine?
Why don’t I match with the rest?
I have a different last name,
Not Mom’s or Dad’s.
Where did it come from?
There are some secrets.
Why can’t I know?
I found out about some of them on my own.
Why were you hiding me from them?
Well I guess it's for the best,
But why hide me from my siblings?
I found out about them but…
The one disowned me,
The one doesn’t care,
The one doesn’t know,
Maybe that's why you hid them.
But could you explain some things?
Why don’t I remember my Dad?
How did he have to die?
Why can’t I see him again?
But why do you get mad when I ask?
I just want to know answers.
Why can’t you tell me?

"I woke up."
   And wished I was dead.
"I walked through the house."
   Like a zombie.
"I kissed and hugged my mother."
   And my body was in so much pain.
"I ate my breakfast."
   And felt sick to my stomach.
"I grabbed my clothes and got dressed."
   But I stared at my scars and cuts first.
"I started my schoolwork."
   And wished I could disappear.
"I turned in assignments."
   But I already knew what my grades would be.
"I ate lunch; I had a sandwich."
   I didn't want to eat. Why do they make me?
"I went back and did more school."
   And wished I wasn't alive; did I mention that already?
"I did my chores."
   And thought of all the ways I could leave.
"I ate dinner."
   Because they always make me eat.
"I did more school until ten."
   Then collapsed into bed, not wanting to exist.
"I laid in my bed wide awake, thinking, until about two a.m."
   I didn't want to sleep 'cause I don't like nightmares.
"I thought about life, conversations, etc."
   Ways I could off myself, why I hate myself, etc.
"I finally fell asleep around two-fifteen."
   The nightmares get worse and worse.
   Please don't make me do it again.
   I don't want to live another day.
   Please don't make me live life.
"Then the day started again when I woke up at about five."

April 19, 2017.
Nora Apr 5

I go through the day,
Putting forth a happy display,
Living out my life
Like it were just another picture
To be made and played
By fervent, cheering crowds:
Only it’s my own reality
That I am not allowed

a tender fog
hides our view
of what might be
a face most beautiful

but we don’t know

as local laws are such
     that beauty only shows itself
to spouses predetermined
by the wisdom of the elders

who demonstrate to have
     no  understanding
of human wishes and desires

Alaska Mar 27

You're hiding who you are
and I hope you realize
that once you show everyone
the real you, they will love you
even more.

Talia Grace Mar 25

When you first see me
You'll probably just see Beast
The one that terrifies everyone
Chasing them into the sunset
And trying to give the sky its red colour

The ones who stand still
Ans usually safe
The ones who see past, see The Protagonist
The one who'e scared of her own counterpart

Like walking down a dark street on the wrong side of town
The Protagonist's spine shivers
Warning her of the dangers to come
Reminding her of the THING about to attack
But by the time she acts
It's too late

Beast is here
Taking over her very being
Beast doesn't struggle to take over
Like a light switch, The Protagonist is gone...
The monster under her bed now finding a home in her thoughts

Hide, run, do something!
Or just let it take over...
Maybe life will be better, or safer
Let go...
Welcome it for the monster it is
It'll be FUN
Don't worry
It can't hurt you
It'll protect you from yourself

Talia Grace Mar 21

”Did I scare you today?”
“A bit yeah, reminded me of my dad when he has outbursts”

Let me introduce myself, my name is Beast

I terrify people by simply looking at them most days
The reason for that, I don’t know…
I’m 5’8” with a medium build
Nothing that should be feared

She says she can hear ticking in her head
Like a metronome set years ago that’ll never die
But I feel like that ticking is her hearing my inner count down
The countdown to the day I give up again

Little does she know that she is half the reason I haven’t left
The other being the only person I haven’t scared yet

She fights for me
I never understood why, it’s not like I keep her alive

She teared up today…
I raised my voice to the point that it filled the vehical
Almost making me think of jumping out the window

Control yourself
Don’t let Beast shine through who you are
Keep her buried under piles of burnt paper
A layer of poems I burnt to keep hidden from their eyes

I saw your tears darling, don’t pretend they weren’t there
You acted strong but I could tell I’d just torn you down

Why do you stay?
You’ve seen what happens

Oh darling… I fear that this is just the beginning
Of a time where everyone leaves me again

Run... while you still can
Talia Grace Mar 20

I've always hated watching the people I love suffer
Like watching paint dry I knew what the result would be, and I just couldn't bear to watch it
Sometimes I'd try to cheer them up
Run my fingers through their hair or place a kiss on their head
But it's never enough

I've always hated watching the people I love go through painful times
It's like watching someone die slowly and knowing... There's nothing you can do
Every time you try to help it seems you push them further
Like they're running from you, because you're the problem

I've always hated watching the people I love care about me
Because I always feel like I can never fully return every thing they deserve to them
Like holding a hug for too long or watching as clouds roll over a perfectly sunny day
Knowing that there's rain on its way in but no one will notice until it's too late

I've always hated watching the people I love suffer
Because I feel like I'm the reason it all began
And the only way for them to be happy
Is for me to say goodbye

I'm sorry... For everything
Delta Swingline Mar 18

I haven’t slept in 2 years. I haven’t eaten in 5, I’m not lying.

People lie everyday. “Little white lies” we call them. They mean nothing at all. It won’t hurt anybody. What could possibly happen if I told a lie?

Some people are bad liars, and some lies are just bad.

I’m not a bad liar. But people just don’t believe me when I say anything. Everything I say becomes a lie in another person’s ears, they won’t listen.

So if I tell bad lies on purpose will anybody notice? I’ll mix up the truth with bad lies and see if people can tell the difference.

I’ve never broken a bone, I’ve never been drunk, I’ve never forgotten a birthday. Do you know which statement is true? And which one was the lie?

I’ve been sick for 10 years, my IV is made of tears, my cereal tastes like regret, I’m not lying.

I’ve forgotten my own name, I forgot where I came from, I left my consciousness on the bus. I’m not lying.

It’s very easy to ignore an obvious lie, when you know the truth. But I’m not lying…

My heart is broken, my dignity stolen, and my future is no more. I’m not lying.

My friends are gone, along with my dad and mom, my sibling disappeared. I’m not lying.

My chest hurts, my ribs are shattered, and as for me. Well, there’s not a lot of me left. I’m not lying.

I can’t stop myself from constantly running away from the truth, lies are just so much easier to tell.

They say the truth sets you free…
Ok… Let’s try again.

The poem is filled with lies, some of them easier to say than others. But I want to start telling the truth now.

I want to start this poem over. I want to be better than this. I know I’m better than this… And maybe you can hear it in my voice. But I promise. I’m not lying…

Right now, I am the most honest I've ever been.
Leigh Marie Mar 15

I tell you bout my trips and everything I’ve seen
about my laughter and what I’ve learned but
I’m afraid to tell you that I feel like I’m losing myself again
that stopping my medication was the wrong decision
like I am trapped in this opportunity, can't get out and can't go home
I don't tell you about being filled with regret
that my flashbacks hurt more than I expected
That I lost my safe place and I feel abandoned

You did yoga today and I travelled some more
I laughed a little, and took a nap
you're seeing your friend tomorrow
I know what you are doing
but how are you doing

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