Once upon a time I
Cried in agony
As the mornings solemn tune
When I hid as a child
I mostly hid from the Monsters
Under my bed.
How can I
Ever become a better version of myself?
By looking at my past mistakes
And learning something new.
Part of the world is gone
And another part is cruel
And I belong
To the unexplored oceans blue
In a rush
My heart is always telling me
To act, to yell
To be alive with every cell.
If I saw it, I would know it
Since it always lingers
In my mind
Most of the time
I demand attention from my chosen family
Because I want them to know
That they're what makes me happy.
An upside down tree
Showing that I'm in Wonderland.
Like the singer who said,
"Sometimes it's just plain stupid to get into any kind of wind."
He must have known
That wind will blow
And shape something new.
In this world,
I'm not sure why,
But I have a suspicion
I'm not alone.
Fear not the man but the mask he wear
It's strength be greater than that which he bear
The morning light cast off the skin
Cover dishonest dark that shalt always win
Pour unto man the thought he share
A guise of speech and misaligned care
Dare a smile call itself so wise
No man finds his thoughts a prize
Wield a lance of voice as man remove his mask
He is no man, a scoundrel without ask
Eyes wide open, but refuse to see.
Why not a smile?
In it I can taste the bile.
Why not tears?
Or saying cheers?
You would watch me. Make sure I'm safe and sound.
But my eyes are hollow underground.
The surface shows what I decide
But underneath, I am me, hollow. But I have already lied.
Can you take back something you aren't truly sorry for?
Or will those same demons come back, begging for more?
No. DEMANDING for it
And I just watch, while I idly sit.
I always thought myself a fighter.
But you can't burn a match without a lighter.
Here I am in the crowd
Watching from the upside down.
Feeling a presence but how to communicate
Or by the time I say something, will it be too late?
Just a hollow look, portraying a hollow soul.
If no one wants me to follow them, perhaps I won't fall down a rabbit hole.
I'd rather be seen as empty and hollow
Than be used and abused by those I know.
I may be empty to the world
But am I truly empty to me?
Everyone around us has fallen to a dreamless sleep
As our bodies intertwine
Looking like a puzzle gone wrong that only makes sense to us
Your frail body is full of power
And I can feel that
Every time you move to come closer
And your muscles ripple under my hands
Your lips shift along my neck
As my body slowly stirs from its lulled state
Our bodies shift to fit into their places
Getting closer until even air can't pass between us
Exploring each other without moving
Small pecks trail my right side
Waking me slowly
Until you meet my lips
Showing me passion
Then pulling away leaving me gasping
The first of many
Each one leaving me wanting more and more
I hear my mother
Yelling all the time
Why I try to hide
I need a
From all the judging eyes
Will comfort me tonight
People ignore me
So I fade away
A shadow I'll be
But shadows can't stay
Soon I won't be alive
So no one sees me cry
I sit on the roof
Clutching my guitar
I'm not bulletproof
Words leave heavy scars
My friends are
But at least they care
My thoughts are
I talk because I'm scared
Soon I'll disappear
Will you wonder why
Did you even hear
That I once was alive
I had become more aware of my surroundings. With my obscured vision, I trembled up the mountainous stairs, to find comfort in my divan. The wind blundered and blasted the shutters allowing shivers to roar down my spine. I drew the covers restlessly over my body. Sleep would not grace me with its presence as I tossed and turned, thrashing about the bed. Why did it feel so unwelcoming, so foreign to my touch? My eyes drifted towards the window in search of comfort. Wind cried from the heavens as the maleficent feathered silhouette made himself known. My vision began to haze as my eyes settled into the crevices of my head. I couldn’t take it anymore, the fierce gaze of the raven was too much for my heart to bear. I clambered to my feet and made my way to the kitchen, stumbling through the halls as the wine took effect. As I clung to the kitchen door-frame, there it was; my means to an end. With an unholy determination, I grabbed the pearl gripped revolver that lay on the kitchen counter besides the key to the cabinet. How it got there, I haven’t the slightest idea. I was inhibited within an ineludibly eternal oblivion.
My mind filled with hatred towards the ruffled being as my sweaty palms grasped the bronze handle that I flung open with the desire to end this misery bestowed within my soul. I had of kill it for this misery to end, I was compelled to end its life. The raven vanished as if knowing my pursuit.
This was it. Barefoot I ran, though my legs were long past exhaustion, I kept running. Trepidation had driven all other thoughts from my mind, leaving the only instinctive urge to abscond. And so I ran.
I could tell you I was fine...
Knit a sweater to cover my shoulders
Maybe to hide the shakes
I could lie to you through glassy eyes and cold hands
Tell you, "Everything is okay, I promise..."
As my eyes trail down to my heart
Just barely BEATING
Shivers and shakes make it hard to write
Make me force myself to focus
To stop and just
Clenched teeth hide behind shattered smiles
Making me look okay
I could tell you I was fine
Flash you a smile
As my proof
As another dagger plunges through my chest
And another shot is fired
But you won't know
I'm smiling for you
And hiding my tears
Keeping my head high
So one day
Your bright smile returns to greet me