I'm looking for Meaning for answers to the questions blurry in my mind visable through my screaming heart my aching chest the hole in the middle where my soul ought to be fighting for room, fighting for breath ; I'm looking for Love whatever that is supposed to be a gift, a curse, a savior responsibility freedom of me try not to run away at first sight ; I'm looking for Death for it is a choice but binding by nature unavoidable face it accept or despair one can not wander in a painting without minding the frame ; I'm looking for Purpose for me to face myself in no mirror you weak, fragile, useless being find your use don't be to ******* yourself they say ; I'm looking for many things in Life yet do not open the door I am scared live to die another day in my bedroom get out ;
one step at a time It's natural to be scared that's how you become brave.
Drifting and silent. Into an abyss. Understanding, But not speaking. Knowing, But not answering. Overpowering talent, With no action. Seeking purpose somewhere. Being pushed into the future, No feeling of freedom. Everyone around is predictable but I act clueless. I can tell when they lie but I act foolish. Potential, hidden and rejected. Looking at it, but it never reflected. A mirror with no reflection is what I kept hidden. Something so rare, nothing could compare. This different way of thinking was dangerous. I questioned many things, and my questions damaged rings. I questioned life, I questioned what was above, I questioned about love. My questions were unanswerable sometimes. Some of them, I did want the answer. Some of them, I already knew the answer. And others didn't want to be answered. I wonder how it felt to be asked these questions. Maybe I was coming off as rude. For others, it was probably viewed as an attitude. So for my own sake, I kept my lips glued. Silent, once again. Maybe another time I could ask questions until the end.
What would you do if you knew there was a light source whose very nature could illuminate the back sides of molecules and atoms; as if the source did not come from its point of origin but instead-- permeated all-throughout from all sides at once.. in all directions-- at the same time; simultaneously..
yet also perpetually
..and if so-- where could one hide from the knowing-ability of light of this nature that chooses to have "known-ability".
What if by chance, in life here on earth we are given the dignity to choose, through autonomy.. the freedom to hide-- the power to place, even if through illusion; obstacle,
and create shadow from a light, that knows no shadow.
What if, the nature of love that is also light chooses through muse, as one of its loving ways, to pierce through obstacle created by autonomy's oftentimes, need to hide-
Wouldn't that then be an act of kindness.. and also a beautiful act of honor towards autonomy to not force its way in through power but instead.. coax, through heart-persuasion?
..And that much more a gift muse would be if one were to know that at the end of life would be the complete and full removal of obstacle in order to know and be fully known?
Without loving acts such as muse what would be "knowable" within us if obstacle were never penetrated,