I washed dishes today.
After a prolonged effort,
I finally gave up
on burying the sink alive.
I could no longer stand
by and listen to the ****** drain
and all its mockery through my crockery.
"Lazy ***** have ***** glasses," - and on.
After removing all the fingerprints
and with no witnesses in sight,
my yellow gloved hand pulled the trigger on the disposal
and the drain's nasty mocking was cut to a murmur
I wish I wasn’t me.
years ago when my sister passed,
I wished it was me.
young and ignorant to the ways of the world.
young yet already wishing to be dead.
I wonder if wanting these thoughts to escape my head
If I believe ‘everything happens for a reason’,
then there has to be a reason.
but the truth is
I really don’t know what I believe in.
if I were to die
I don’t know if my soul would
Sink or Swim
I can’t Swim
and with the world on my shoulders
I’m liable to Sink.
always trying to find
the perfect place.
Does that that make sense?
Does it exist
in somewhere other than my head?
Is there a world out there
where I don’t end up dead?
A reality where these thoughts
don’t eat away at me like
moths at cloths.
I have ten years worth of holes in me.
Everything I hold in just eats away at me
and I let it.
What would it be like?
because that’s where I prefer to be
because silence never hurt anybody.
it never hurt me.
a place for me is a place
where I don’t have to hide.
a place where there’s
always an ear to truly listen.
One that understands without me needing to explain.
If only there was a way I could talk
without my words being swatted down like flies.
I want to not feel alone
I want to be alone
and not feel alone.
I want to be okay with my own presence.
My own company.
I want My Candle of Loneliness
to be put out before
I am engulfed in the flames.
My Utopia is a place,
a place with no pain.
Written: August 28th, 2019
Isolation slowly starves away a man's mind
gnawing away at what he holds dear
the flooding room fills as he gasps for breath
praying for a pocket deeper down
he sinks to the darker depths
In his chest sharp blades writh like snakes
his heart beat thuds like a heavy hammer
relentlessly ringing in his ears
pulsating pressure like a serpents coil
crushes cracks and breaks his brittle body
only the pain prevents him from drifting
a hazy blur blackens his vision
as silently his screams bubble away
In one more breath his futile fight
When suddenly a deathly peace penetrates
like the shock after a plunge into an icy pool
as a feint flicker of light shines
he drifts towards his final hope
I tried to write this with a dual ending, the light he sees is either the surface as he re-emerges or the light before death.
Sinking in a pool or lake
makes for a quick escape,
but all you get in the end
are water-logged lungs.
Death by amber sap
may be slower suffocation,
but leaves you, a shining jewel, behind
in orange-yellow tinted coffin.
Heartbreak and disappointment
dimmed by the laughter that escapes
and jokes that are made
letting me escape
the aching pain.
Forming a defence of
preventing it from sinking deeper.
Although I am sure by night
I would be a weeper.
Which is alright,
pain and disappointments
are a part of life
there is no harm to feel,
to acknowledge to heal.
But one must not dwell
for it is a part of a
better plan that
awaits for ones fate.
Tears on my cheek are of sorrow blended with happiness
I could had
Still choose to tolerate,
Sinking in blues,
Now I am lost,
Where are you?
I want myself back.. loosing you is not so depressing then loosing me.
his broad chest shudders
at night, holding in hot tears;
he sees ships sinking.
I'm watching the vines pull you down
So intently focusing on the horror ahead of me
I don't notice sinking myself
I am in the valley of despair
My ship is sinking
The Gods mock me
My dreams are dying
Even my imaginary friends hate me