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AJ James Sep 22
My body is my own worst enemy
Trapped.
inside - and stuck
Inside - with no escape
from the claws of this illness that
take hold of me

Rage - it pours from me
still, even though I have
no energy
left

I am left with scraps of
who I once was
- - and now?
What am I but a shadow of a previous
copy version of me  

I yearn and I grieve and I plead
but I am led yet again and again
to an endless tunnel of dread
that fills me to the brim
with nothing left but
the face of the victim
staring back at me in the mirror

I fear so much and so often -
this weakness has a grip so fierce on me
this sickness that has stolen so much from me
this demon has ****** and fed
on every bit of strength I have bled
of every bit of happiness I have shed
and left me with -
nothing

Nothing but empty vacancy
That is how it feels to be stuck
inside
a body that can no longer feel
normalcy

My body is my own worst enemy
Trapped.
inside - and stuck
inside - with no escape
So here I stay
Stuck and inside - and
Trapped
with no escape
softcomponent Sep 13
keeping something away from myself

is harder than ever keeping it away from all others, a feeling of what's been felt

like a monster of mechanistic mechanical deities in the mask of an elk

as you melt into crusts below the surface of the Earth,

I tried to give birth to something more than I, as an individual, will ever be worth

could ever be a part of as any true influence which captures an axial tilt,

yet here I am continuing the trial like a trapped spirit embodied as a curse,

a progressive insofar as I'm miles ahead in a hearse that's headed off the edge of all turf,

and the next true hope I'll ever really have is:

"Cosmic burial is my first option, should that ever work."
Esther Sep 12
i'm trapped inside my own mind
watching the world go by
with this burning desire for freedom
yet struggling to leave the past behind

this mental cage i've built
my trapped soul like an helpless bird
drenched myself in darkness
i cannot fly

i thought you were my guardian angel
but you clipped my wings
said you'd give me the world
but you took everything from me
they told me all of my cages were mental // so i got wasted like all my potential
In the depths of silence, where shadows reside,
A heavy heart, burdened, cannot hide.
Unseen, unnoticed, like a ghostly wraith,
I wander through existence, lost in a desolate faith.

In a crowded room, I fade to gray,
Whispers and laughter, they all drift away.
An outsider peering through misty eyes,
Yearning for connection, but met with empty skies.

Words unspoken, like echoes unheard,
Emotions trapped, stifled, never stirred.
My voice, a mere whisper in the wind,
Aching to be heard, to matter, to rescind.

The world moves on, an unforgiving tide,
Leaving me stranded, unwanted, denied.
Invisible threads bind me, a lonely refrain,
Longing for affection, like a wilted flower in the rain.

I seek solace in dreams, a sanctuary of the mind,
Where I am cherished, accepted, intertwined.
But awakening brings me back to the bitter truth,
That I am but a shadow, lost in the uncaring sleuth.

Yet amidst the darkness, a flicker remains,
A glimmer of hope, a spark that sustains.
For within this void, a strength starts to ignite,
Embracing my worth, pushing through the night.

Though I may feel ignored, unwanted, unseen,
I'll rise above the shadows, where dreams intervene.
For in this vast universe, I'll find my own way,
To shine brightly, even if skies remain gray.
In between scenes,
in place of hopelessness as it seems
A lonely darkness, as lowly demons plot their schemes
in a field drowned of yesterday's tears

Succumbing to peer pressure;
shortcomings of having less experience in your teens
Still a ****** into conquering your personal fears

Interludes of thoughts,
all intruding in and out of me
these many intervals of internal torture,—
Waking up everyday feeling less, and less free
Eternal; as an endless sinking headache
in all these thoughts, deep as a broad sea

I am but a man,
always stuck in between
In between feeling like myself
or rather still, the foolishly lost teen
Kris Fireheart Sep 2019
Yes I can,
Take your hand,
Smile like a fool,
And say "Isn't life grand?"
And we can plan,
With Lady Xan...

Stressful days,
Sleepless nights,
Can't catch a wink
For the sweat and fright,
When I feel like,
I've lost the fight...

The pleasant sound
That bottle makes...
I toss it in my palm,
Like an old mistake,
And wonder how
Many should I take?

A little here,
A little there,
A little in the middle
Of my Anywhere,
And I can breathe,
This stagnant air...

But when she's gone,
Oh, trouble brews,
Feeling such a pain
I never thought I knew,
What to do?
Oh, what to DO?

With Lady Xan,
The lowest hand,
Feels like a gift
From a wonderland,
And yes I can,
With Lady Xan.
Xanax.  My bane,  my curse,  my savior.
Larry dillon Apr 16
I tricked a god.
now Cronus can't escape.
Sealing a god in an hourglass,
I locked time away.
To stave off my lover's date with fate.
Where she will perish, becoming lost to me.
Locked behind heaven's gate.

Cronus promises to **** me-
when i set him free.
Only with his freedom will the world reanimate.
Containing a god with dark magic;
I made a costly mistake.
Trapping him forced the world to become frozen in place.
-But I could spend forever learning
every little feature of her face.

How her frail figure fought for every breath.
The chemo for the cancer ate her weight.
Shedding the hair from her head.
I'll remain here by her side,
until I devise an alternative to what Cronus said.
stretching her final seconds into the infinite,
as she lays here in this hospital bed.

                           ... ♾️ ...

How can i exist in a museum with one exhibit?
I tried forcing time to rewind.
I meant to spite the concept of mortality.
Instead I've been trapped here for eons,
With,her still somehow lost to me...
...I am tempted to set cronus free.

                           ... ♾️ ...

It's been chess with two moves:
You either speak or don't speak.
I can't find another way.
I've become worn out and jaded.
Cellmates with Cronus so long,
In this temporal prison I involuntarily created.

          "It's wrong to steal time.
As karma,you've had no one to spend it with.
You tricked a god, but I'll still grant you your wish.
Undo your dark magic, a swift death I promise you,
Once your soul is released from the world,
I'll cure her cancer, like i believe you intended to."

And as Cronus spoke.. i knew what i would do.

Telling him,
"I refuse to let time pass.
I refuse to release you from the hourglass.
I refuse to let her be lost to me."

I pull her in close as i grin,
Cronus accepting defeat.

"I'd rather remain here...

In a staring contest with eternity. "

-
A story of a man who ensares himself in his own trap he'd set for a god, and the folly of hubris when mistaken as love.
Wake up every morning
Wondering if I
Should live or die,

Think about my friends
I know are waiting for me
In the sky,

Shotgun in my bed,
I take it out and
Then I Pump the slide,

Put it in my mouth
And give myself
Some time to wonder why,

Should I pull this trigger,
Or should I just go
Lay down and die?

Should I curl up in a ball,
Or should I let my
Feelings lie?

Reaching for my Xanax
'Cause that bottle is
Just all I've got,

Pop a couple just to
Make the voices stop
So I can rise.

Gotta find a reason
Just to get up
Off my lazy ***,

End up on the streets
Where you can find me
Flipping **** for cash.

Looking for some ****?
You need that hard?
You know I've got your back.

Need some company?
I've got this number,
And she'll call you back.

When the day is over,
Hit the bus and I
Just stumble back,

Pop a few more Xanax,
Smoke a blunt,
And then i hit the sack,

Open up my eyes,
And reach between my
Mattress once again,

Shotgun in my mouth,
And cradle it
Like it's my only friend.
This is my "hypothetical" life these days. Wake up, think about ending it, take 5 minutes to decide whether or not it's worth pulling the trigger,  hustle, come back, and do it all over again.  I hate myself more than anyone else in the world,  and even though I have friends who love me and support me,  I can never seem to love myself.  So I just go to sleep,  wake up,  and do it all over again.
Alex McQuate Jan 7
Calm hearts,
And charitable minds,
All my thoughts are shattered glass,
At such a moment and time.

Where I feel like I need to shout at the top of my lungs,
Veins in my forehead bulging,
Face scrunched up,
A roar akin to some great wounded animal,
One who has some wicked spear in its side.

But it is not out of anger, pain, or pride,
Instead, it is from all the energy still in my body,
Begging to be let out.

A tiger in a cage,
Who paces from side to side,
The tiger that knew of the wild before,
Who wishes to get back to the jungle,
But not knowing it will ever get out.
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