It’s really hard to be sweet, loving, and kind After I found out the man I love is no longer just mine. He’s a man who loves the women of the streets, A man who doesn’t even clean his own sheets, Who I believed had once swept me off my feet Really, he swept underneath my feet Eternally cursing me.
blindsighted i've stopped trying this whole time, you were a fraud lying blindsighted i'm done crying these bold lies, you were a fraud hiding snake eyes, snake lips jealous, bitter, narcissistic scripts sweet nothings, fake adoration this i could never predict
Am I still alive when my feelings died? Yes I died before and you never knew where I was buried So today I will tell you more and you will know me more I will tell you about my feelings But the truth is true when you know all of them You will receive that I am still waiting to die With all of the feelings that growing up in my heart day by day If I speak to you, will you listen? If I tell you, will you feel like I am a liar? So let me die at this moment I tell the truth That I am still alive, and my feelings died, but I am not heartbroken
Indonesia, 15th March 2022 Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
I don't lie Because When I'm drunk I can't I can't lie I forget how Or I **** the consequences The truth Has so many consequences When it follows A lie A white lie Can still land Like a falling star Looking so pretty Up in the sky But crushing us all When it lands Knocked down By the truth Don't ask me Anything If I'm drinking Because I'll say it Wrong I'll say it Honest I'll say it Crudely Rudely Quite un-prudely And I'll laugh Like it's funny To hit you With the two edged sword Of reality Not realizing I'm gripping The blade With my own two Hands Coating us both In enough Honesty To honestly Drown us So I don't lie Because If I say it Sweetly sober Then We're spared the Careless calamity coming out crass and crapulent colored lips Tearing open Naked truths I can never Rewrap
I've never cried in front of you Because I thought you needed to see me be strong But that was a mistake
You forgot I have feelings You forgot I am fragile So so fragile So so breakable You can break anything if you try hard enough
But I let you think I was composed All this time I hoped it would give you strength All this time I hoped it would give you freedom to grow I now see my flaw I have always played pretend a little too well
My best lies were always the ones I never spoke You believed my silence meant I was well constructed I wonder if I'll ever be able to make you see That the exposed and crumbling foundations cancered by mold and rot Are not a trick nor a lie
I wonder if you'll ever start to believe me When I repeat that you were always the good one You were always the good one You're the good one You're good
JJ let me know if you ever see this Cause I'm pretty sure you ******* hate me Which is fine But I've always loved you
Intelligence brings a strange mixture of laughter & worry, lonely for sure. With no one to consult with, confessions made to abandoning priests, art as refuge, nothing to return to, utter a lonely person. Gutted & lonely, hanging from the tree of life.