I feel the filth within myself
When I saw her fixing herself From the damage that I've done The emptiness that I gave to her Is the same as the one who left me I become the person I wish to avoid
When I become someone I hate I can feel the filth within myself
You make me want to get high and end something. Your childhood shouldn’t be mine. You apathetic ****. I know you don’t care. That’s why it hurts. You’re father was gone, Maybe that would be better. You’re here, but not for me. You’re just a huge tease. Without words you flay. Furl me in a calm. Just to show what worth you have of me. I’d rather be whipped. At least then you’d use me. Your always at my leash. If I try to pull you to me. You’re never at the end. Endless release of my constant fill. Never seems to bring benevolence. Slamming fists, yelling to a burn, Biting until blood, hurting until bruised. You’re a tick I can’t rip out. Burrowed and *****. I can rip my skin open. Dig in. You’d never be found. I’d amputate your from me. With a saw, knife, or bullet. You **** me dry, and never pass a nod. I can’t scream into another. Or cry with someone. They’re nothing to me. Cause they’re nothing to you. I have no one. Monkey see, monkey do. There’s always something absent. Turgid and deeply rooted. It hollows my chest when I feel it. I’ll never taste it. Or have the chance to waste it. Finding someone to abridge. Is frustratingly crippling. I sting just thinking about it. You knee capped me. I’ll never love. I’ll never be loved. You made me meat. You made everyone meat.
Who do I want to love me more then me?
You I want you to love me and care for me. You and I keep bumping heads I can't focus cause my heart is hurting and I can't stop it from beating so hard and fast. I love you yes but it's never enough I can't stop crying cause I want us to work and I am fighting so much for a spot that I must walk away or I'm gone hurt myself. Goodbye my friend.
I love you but I can't do this anymore
She sat on the rock in tears
No feeling was felt No happiness, no anger, no fear Except one, which was total despair Her face so still, in the water she would simply stare She had a family and she was an alluring beauty But despite that, she sunk into nullity Good looks did not get her to talk Every word hurt her Whether in sadness or mock People spoke to her, but they didn't know her facade Because inside her head, that feeling fought They wouldn't call her a silent mystery But again, they didn't know about her misery Every word she spoke was a sign of pain Though outside she was fine Her mind was no more sane She couldn't move without feeling despair in every bone But she knew this was a pain understood by none Her life flashed before her eyes as she stared in the water There wasn't much to say All she saw was a clutter For the last time, her body started to shiver She didn't wait now As she fell into the river. -Grisha. S
It's about a girl who is weak from the inside and can't handle the pressure anymore
My heart is slowly falling to pieces
Breaking more each day I don't understand what I did wrong But something drove you away It has to be my fault you fled I guess you have grown tired Sick of looking at the one thing You used to above all else desire It has been a long time coming Suspected from the very start That one day you would come to your senses Pack your bags and depart The melodic tones of your voice linger Echoes haunting my head Silence keeps me up at night Restless in my empty bed The beat of my heart is feeble I wonder if I am dying Begging for a shred of relief But the pain keeps amplifying Losing track of the days passing by Irrelevant time spins around The ticks of the hands moving on clocks Become another meaningless sound All I can feel is the throbbing ache Resonating through my heavy heart Paralyzed by the grip of agony As my entire world is torn apart
I hate every second of this
When I do not see you for awhile
Start going through withdrawals Like when you’re addicted to drugs Dependent on alcohol When I eat food is tasteless In fact hard to enjoy Much anything consumed Focused on the void No matter what’s done or said Nothing distracts from absence If I keep hours busy Not once your thought leaves my head My brain obsessed with you Turning memories around Try focusing on anything else But way your laughter sounds Impossible to be at peace I wake up alone Emptiness follows me from our bed Clinging to each bone Inside stomach sits a knot Tangled with concern Ball that gets tighter every minute Messages left unreturned I hate how I need your kiss To function throughout day Did not realize contact was necessary Til moment it was taken away My heart beats unevenly when you are gone Stays like that until you come back Every ***** placed in my body Is in some manner out of whack I am more than just miserable Sick without you here Unable to be myself Until presence is again near
When I miss my boyfriend Paul
He was dangerous
He lived in his lair He pounced upon Who dared He made lives miserable Factious, fractious Animal of concrete jungle He was dangerous He thought No one could dare Enter his lair One day my dog Fetched him out He was brought On the ledge From a height He was dropped Like a hat on the head Fractured his two legs He forgot the lair he lived Once for all He disappeared
Beware of dogs!
"my body is tired with torn hands
I want to be perfect, more and more but nothing changes, it only ever hurts" "when will you be happy?" "never... I live miserably, wanting to work myself to exhaustion waiting for death's release of this worthless vessel that hates me deeply perishing underneath dirt and pebble no one will want me, need me I will be forgotten and my ideals of perfection soon to be rotten"
I am so miserable
while waiting for your text I am so miserable while knowing that you are the one thing I will never have I am so miserable you are the only thing I think about I am so miserably in love with you are you miserable too
The books I read,
The songs I listen to... All fill me with envy Such lives they have Filled with feelings and emotions I would die to feel My insides are numb As if turned to stone My mind's dead, My heart asleep I carry on like a machine
I want to escape my life