We met capriciously,
without the false pretense,
inspired by love and mindfulness
we let down all defense.
She taught me how to comprehend,
themes furthest from my mind,
appreciation for the arts and life
so distant from my kind.
A Russian dancer in fiery flight,
a Parisian chef in exile,
celebration of the food we ate
beholding each museum aisle.
She taught me of the things she cared,
in virtue freed my mind,
except what mattered most to her
love couldn’t be defined.
When blissful songs were silent,
emotions fell denied,
with disbelief the man she loved
was nowhere near her side.
You're such a pain in the ass
But everybody loves - you - don't understand
You thankless son of a bitch
You'll never see
Why do you want to be free?
Is all this love smothering you?
Ah, great expectations!
Wes, every time I look into your eyes
I know what failure looks like
Maybe it's my own reflection
It is a mirror
When you wanna cry me a river
These days you won't
You hold it in
I say - don't!
If you won't let it out
Someday this flood will drown you
But will you listen? Oh no.
(Oh, no no no no no)
He'll answer all our prayers
Ah, great expectations
Lemme show you religion
It might help
If no, at least you will know
That they are pretending
But will you listen? Oh no.
(oh, no no no no no)
There is nothing you don't know!
Ah, this damn fluctuation
I’m sorry I can’t
I can’t write an empowering anthem
My voice is weak
It seems so inadequate
To mourn in front of strangers
But I’m getting good at it
& God is getting stranger
When I was thirteen
I suppose I was dumb
I thought that I could be
The mightiest of all
Now I am numb
(I must have been so fucking dumb!)
Planning, planning, planning
& writing it all down in my little black book
I’ll be seventeen tomorrow
Can you imagine?
Five years of dragging my desperate self
Just to tell myself -
I think you’re dying
(no, you’re not!)
You keep on trying, to push the wall
(Baby, keep on kicking, keep on kicking till it falls)
It doesn’t move, it doesn’t move at all
It's really hard not to talk to her when I can't sleep.
I'm always fine during the day. Usually I can distract myself then. But as soon as my mind's empty. It's the first thing. I try to think of the horrible things she did to me, but it doesn't make me feel any better. It doesn't make me miss her less.
It just makes me want to live forever in those good moments we shared. Indefinite bliss. The things that kept me hanging on, when I should've let go.
The smile, the way her nose pinched. The way she liked certain things just the way I did, and for the same reasons. The roller coaster rides. The times she would open up to me and let me in. Her soft skin, her messy hair, the way she looked when she woke up, and when she was asleep. Her small hands, her defined back, the way she would lean into me when she was sad. I liked the way she wore my t shirts, and when she would lend me her eyes. I just don't know if I was the exception, or if I'm just another guy.
Should I care? Probably not. Not now. Not after everything that happened, but I do, and I know that I will. No matter how big that demon is inside me, the love that I hold will always be stronger. It feels like there's a holy war inside of me, and I don't know whose side to take. I'd like to believe that light prevails, but does that mean it is my fault when love fails?
What good is it to stare at a blank wall?
We get nothing from it.
Tearing that wall down didn’t make me feel any better,
Still I did, I had to try.
There was no connection.
It was as malicious as malicious gets.
No, actually, there was a bond,
But it was one of greed, not love.
I needed you, and the love only you could give.
But there was none!
How could I have spent so many days
Blind, but able to see?
For two years, I fed myself on air, instead of love.
For so much time I’ve eaten nothing
I’m starving for love!
The love she promised me.
Tell me darling,
Was my name ever in your mind?
I’ll tell you now,
My mind was you.
It was the way you move your hair
From your face after you get excited.
The way your eyes stare deep into everything.
Just like mine…
Oh the heavens are cruel!
You are just like me.
Why did it take me so long to see?
I was deafened by your sweet melody.
In the dark, where my heart will beat
Until I tell it to stop,
The only company I have
Is what we could have been, but never will be.
The two of us will never find love.
We’re just as equally broken, you and I.
And you can’t fix a broken window
With another one.
You tell me that you'll always love me,
more than you could ever say,
but let me not follow your rules,
sing my song out of tune.
I'll be your biggest nightmare,
the biggest failure you ever saw.
I'll be the one you don't want to know,
the one you see as broken and torn.
I'll be the one you throw away,
force out of your mind and forget forever.
I'll be the one you say you never loved,
not even a little bit,
You say you'll always love me,
no matter what.
But your unconditional love
gets more conditional by day.
And so I have learned to live as if I never had it,
as I will never allow myself to be your slave.
When all is said & proved.
& those close, are quick to run.
Clarity will beckon lose,
& sink like kingdom-come.
Tendrils of peace
Fiery rings of freedom
This onus is making me prune,
& i have lost myself in a reflective arboretum.
The anthesis is the self, humiliating disaster.
Argumentations are made in the night to keep away all those laughing bastards.
sins are sins are sins are sins are sins are sins
failure creeps aboard, and my patience folds thin.