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Alice Mar 9
I find myself of late,
Without the words or will to write.

But it's not a quiet state,
It's clogged with bad unspoken rhyme.

I am not the brightest star,
But quite surely I'll still shine.

Whether anybody sees it,
It's all here and it's all mine.
Jamesb Jan 25
A race horse lives,
Indeed is bred and cherished,
To run and to gallop and to lead the field,
To leap improbable heights
And depths,
And above all this to win,

Not to fall at the first,
Or the second,
Or the third fourth and fifth,
They are creatures of
Air and thunder,
Of flying hooves and sods of earth,

Sometimes indeed they fall,
Then rise riderless
And confused,
Unsure where to go or
Indeed how fast
Or even indeed why?

But these are gathered
Gently from the field,
And returned via expensive
Wagons to the stable,
Where lads and girls and vets
Are waiting to get them right,

A veritabe deluge of love
And care and expertise
Awaits these amazing equine
Flights of fancy,
Whatever their mistakes,
Whoever they threw from the saddle,

That partnership between
Jockey and horse breeds
Love and forgiveness
No matter the error,
No matter the pain of heart
Or soul,

But what of the horse
That breaks a leg,
That does not rise
But screams too long,
Too loud?
Alas that horse however fine,

That horse is always shot,
As is often the case some double entendre here but i have an abiding love of horses and it always saddens me the fall from potential champion, sought after for breeding to the muffled bang of a captive bolt then sudden quiet and stillness
Psych-o-rangE Jan 20
Nice, trick, you can't trick me into not being depressed.

"Just you wait, I got something up my sleeves"

I would like to say many have tried and failed, but I think the failure is more on my part.

"Its eggs and they are going down my sleeves"

Not even cooked, just raw eggs?

"Well, who doesn't want more protein"

Your sleeves.

"I wear my heart on my sleeves, and protein is good for the heart"

****, ok, not bad.
Cracking a cold egg open with the boys
Jeremy Betts Jan 17
A man with a hundred faces but nameless with one voice
A thousand thoughts a second but one life to live it, where's the choice
Never found much of a reason to rejoice
Worthless or not worth it, the math's not adding up on this invoice

A million phrases, can't remember faces
Thoughts escape the mind, breaking free of their cages
The visual is heinous, it feels dangerous
I can't explain what's going on but they tell me this is only the beginning stages

Time turns pages but they're all reflective, hold them to the flame, more failure through the ages
Dr Jekyll lost, tossed into the void, annoyed as Mr. Hyde rages
Whatever it is, for everyone else's sake, I hope it's not contagious
Stay cautious

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 16
I don't fear finding myself to high
Between you and I
It'd be a nice change of scenery being stuck in the sky, beyond the naked eye
Watching all my everything only make a single fly by
Easy to find yourself there, barley have to try

I don't fear being six feet under
Grave or bunker
No more having to wonder and ponder my next blunder that's always right around the corner
No more fighting the past and destroying a future
No more recurring failure

I fear the day to day
In a crippling way
I fear the wrong thing I'm most certainly going to say
I fear a time period that's pay to play but the pay can be taken away
And whenever I'm where I want to be, I'm never allowed to stay

©2024
Psych-o-rangE Jan 11
I prepared these phases on my calendar so that I could be able to survive these next months.

Phase A: 10 November

Exam - Audit & Assurance completed
Exam - Audit & Assurance allowed for alternate exam at December
Assignment - Business Analysis delayed till December

Phase B: 28 November

Assignment - Business Analysis delayed till end of Phase B
Assignment - Business Analysis completed
Exam - Business Analysis completed
Exam - Business Analysis allowed for alternate exam at January
Exam - Business Analytics delayed by teacher to January
Exam - Audit & Assurance completed
Exam - Audit & Assurance requested alternate
Personal - Mothers arrival

Phase C: 23 December

Exam - Audit & Assurance alternate rejected
Exam - Business Analytics missed & possible delayed (unsure if accepted for Covid)
Exam - Business Analysis completed
Exam - Business Analytics pending date to be confirmed
Subject - Audit & Assurance passed

Phase D: 12 January (tomorrow, in 10 minutes)

Personal - Couples therapy
Career - Job opportunities expiring soon
Exam - Business Analytics still pending date to be confirmed
Visa - Immigration agent reschedule appointment
Visa - Expiry upon the 30th of January

Note:
* Phase D, makes feel like the time I have left is limited.
* That the visa will not be acquired.
* My job opportunities will pass me.
* My last subject will fail.
* And I will lose everyone.
* These past for years I will have nothing to show.
* And you will leave me.
* Our friends will just become your friends again.

I'm running out of time, and I love you.
N Pescador Jan 2
why dreams is hard to achieve
specially if your just average

i know from the beginning
i'll fail
but here i am still feeling like a failure
why am i crying
why am i so disappointed

i failed
what do i expect from me
i am expecting this  out come from the very begging
but secretly hoping the opposite

maybe
its wrong for me to dream high
im not a hard worker
i am not brainy
i should expect less from me

i am not like them
i should dream less
expect a bare minimum
what should i expect from a average person like myself
K B Dec 2023
You
You sit in your chair, calm and collected.
Betraying no emotion or nerves
You're a rock of composure
But i see the tell tale trembling in your hands
You clutch the threads of your worn pants in a vice grip
Trying to hold back the creeping tide of tremors
You lock your knees together in desperation
Grit your teeth and clench your jaw
But more and more, the cracks spread through your body
And once again, the demons of anxiety run amok in your body
Slamming the chambers of your heart with their thorny fists,
Freezing your lungs with their icy breath
Crowding out all lucid thoughts with their incoherent babble
"Not again, not again, not again"
"please stop, please"
You cry in the shadowed recesses of the your own mind over and over
Hiding from hounding demons
But like always, the demons of anxiety do not heed words
The silent battle is once again lost
Your shame, cowardice and weak spine is laid bare to the eyes and judgment of the world
I know the feeling
I know you
I am you
Anxiety is a curse
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
I've always been the kid in the hall
Outside the office door of some metaphorical "principal"
Donning a dunce cap, back to the wall
Anticipation spikes in general
This time it's special
When waiting for the next hypothetical, often hypocritical, shoe to fall I make it a double
Dribble and drop the ball
Taking on the challenge of life was a bad call
The order's too tall, don't try it y'all
What I've been given to work with is abysmal
Can't rely on it being factual at all
A criminally out of date owners manual
A For Dummies series appealing to a low level criminal
Vaguely creating, and/or aiding, this failure ritual
Oh the unmitigated gall
Scheduling my burial service to take place before the funeral
Fuucking brutal
I hate it and it seems the feelings mutual
The line stepping is habitual
The backward motion is perpetual
Not sure any of this is avoidable
But, what do I know...
...everything and nothing is impossibly possible

©2023
Jeremy Betts Oct 2022
With the flippant fear of a proudly clueless onlooker, another forgettable observer
I stare out over the breaking waves to see if I can't see a few things clearer
In a sense in search of innocents and the essence of this monstrous heckler I've been entrusted to not only tame but conquer
Maybe find bits and pieces of meaning here or there for this opaque character and it's seemingly insignificant blip on life's radar
They say all of our lives are important and as a whole they are, for sure, but A life, singular, doesn't even measure
On a timeline reaching back past the beginning of forever to the outer limits of what we know so far it can't possibly matter
Somewhere in there is an answer but I swear, don't let it be just another jump scare
I can bare no more, take me outta here becomes the newly revised prayer screamed into the ether
I'm not the star here, nor did I properly prepare for the cameo roll in my own B movie disaster picture.
I've done what was asked of me even when not fare, even as the nightmare went unchecked, haunting my every endeavor.
If this is expected to go on for the foreseeable future how much of my downfall am I going to be held accountable for?
Every battle the same as the one before, it can be torcher but y'all clap with the desire for an encore
Like your entertainment and the roar of the crowd is what I'm just barley holding on for
Then the face of an absent father figure puts a untimely hand on my shoulder, a whisper of congrats for making it though yet another war
That's every **** day sir, so excuse me for not going out of my way to carpe any of those diems mother fuucker
At the same time
I was so sure that I was finally able to procure the mindset to endure my own lour
But nobody seemed to eager to tell me that reality is a relentless attention *****
Making sure to hide the shore and provide only a broken ore to navigate a sea of insecure insecurities hell bent on devouring my core
Can't help but to take a little more than a fare share when there's so much dispair and dispair is their preferred flavor
And that's what I'm in store for, give or take some gore just to mitigate the bore
Remove all signs of the cancer and watch the stock soar, can't prosper dragging a dead weight anchor
Cut ties and wave goodbye to the failure, take out the pinch hitter cause that personality wasn't any better
A life changer for the better, now willing and wanting to keep score as a reminder of how bad it was before
Never again let the dark passenger take the wheel and steer, unless it's to steer clear
Forget looking backward, remove the rearview mirror and note the side mirror as truth, the atrocities are far closer than they appear
Tossin' small bits of anarchy out the driver side window, flipping the bird and quoting the Raven, "nevermore."
But I forgot why for

©2022
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