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OV 4d
One day I will disappear
And leave you all behind
To start all over again
To learn to love
To learn to live
To learn how to
Be human again
And after a while
I will do it again
i want to fly across the world and restart sometimes. maybe one day i will...
unnamed Aug 12
in the beginning, there was the Word; and in the beginning there were nothing but words. nothing but words of love and faith and pain being passed back and forth between us. every hour of every day. almost to the point where i couldn’t concentrate on anything that wasn’t his throat. his voice. his lips. drawing me back to a part of me i didn’t know i cared about so much. but something in the universe felt that this is not what i need right now.
i don’t know that i’ll ever understand why someone as good as him wasn’t written to be mine, but then i remind myself that i wasn’t written to be his, either. it's easy to understand closure when you word it like that.

and slowly, we grow back together. sure, there will be awkward moments where we discuss everything except feelings. sure, there will be moments when i question if his energy complements mine, or if i am nothing to him except a reminder of broken promises of “forever.” even though he’s letting his guard down for me again, i feel like it is i who is weaving a tapestry around my heart. i’m sure one day i’ll understand why he’s coming back when i am healing and not healed.  why he came back as soon as i arrived at the quiet room. but still have to pull out the key. turn the lock. lock my heart before the darkness arrives. i guess i’m afraid of what lies beyond the door. but at least he’ll be there if ever i need someone to call on.

and slowly, we grow back together. i’ve spent my summer looking at trees. some grow together, thick trunks sprouting wide and strong. others become snags, barren on the forest floor. i’ve watched as ivy attaches itself to the trees that are just beginning to grow. i have been the ivy that has impeded the growth of beautiful trees. but that doesn’t mean i can’t cut myself away for the time being to make sure they still bloom. even if that blooming happens without me.

and slowly, we grow back together. on the forest floor lies the snags of the people we used to be. my forestry instructor says that snags are often cut away to make room for better trees. so maybe we will never go back to exactly the way we used to be, back to those weekday nights when i fell asleep at two thirty am drunken on conversations of faith and overfamiliarity. but we can plant this tree now and watch how it grows. maybe we cannot grow together in the love i imagined, but rather grow back in the love of understanding.  sometimes in understanding of where the other comes from. we come from two lands ravaged by centuries of settlers staking claim over our language, our land, our faith. ya habibi that’s why i was drawn to you because i feel your people’s pain inside my bones. it echoes of solidarity against my chest until i end up advocating for your people in spaces where your voice cannot reach. i knew i had a voice; you taught me how i could use it. and as this tree sprouts, i pray our voices will continue to find each other in the dark -- in hoarse whispers that transcend borders and bodies and beliefs. i know in time they will.

and slowly, we grow back together. it’s true, what they say about leaves growing from deciduous bareness. they will grow back no matter how long the winter seems, even if the winter is the hot sun beating down your neck in an unfamiliar city. sweat pooling on your face as you cry out for help in an adoration chapel to a God you’re not sure hears you. but now you’ve taught me He does.

and slowly, we grow back together. it’s true, what they say about everything being alright in time. this year has taught me that there are things you will lose to the fire -- photos, promises, people you wanted to give your heart to. this summer taught me that sometimes you yourself are the vehicle of loss that ends up taking people’s hearts away. but they will clear out like snags to teach you something. make way so you can love them better the next time you encounter their souls on this planet.

and slowly, we grow back together. if acceptance is a quiet room then it is true, i have arrived at it. i guess i’m afraid of what lies beyond it. i thought i’d have more people behind me as i turn the lock. but for right now, i am content with understanding that he is in my corner, for whatever is coming up next. i pray that as i open the door, that this might be my chance to grow in love, and understanding, and to get it right this time around.
Nina Jun 11
will you give me another chance?
if i asked for it.
will you let me try again
to fix all my mistakes
will you pick up my calls ?
if i were to call you late at night
will you reply to my texts
if i were to text you again?
it makes me wonder
do i have a second chance of getting you back
or is it a little too late
to fix what we had
Carmen Jane Apr 19
You unzipped your jacket and out fell a flower,
You tried to repair us in the very last hour,
You said you screamed my name in your head
When you were with her in the bed
I did too, when I was with him
But I didn't tell you, didn't had that whim.
ktle Apr 6
I took down my clouds and my stars
Exhausted and frightened of my pain.
As I began to pack my heart away
He took my hand and whispered my name.
He unpacked the box of night and day
Smiled, and wiped my tears away.

And like that,
I learned
to love again.
Break me apart
Split open my sides
Let me bleed every reason
For me to give you
One more chance
You do not deserve

But I will give it to you anyway
Because what is one more
Crack in the glass
What is one more
Stitch in my heart
What is one more scar
To last me a lifetime

What is one more memory
To break me at the thought of you
You have already burned your smile
Into every brainwave
So that every time I hear another boy's laugh
I can’t help but hear your voice
Like a sweet melody in my ear
I can’t help but picture
Your smile on their faces

So what is one more
Heartache in the long run
What is one more chance
When in the end
It always comes back to you
I haven't seen you in two years
We haven't talked for a year and some months
Everything ended so badly
I had convinced myself that I was over you
But when you saw me, you asked to talk
I said Okay
Than that phrase, I'm sorry
You said I miss you and I still love you
My heart melted and I caved
We're talking again and I feel happy
Part of me thinks I'm making a mistake
The other part thinks we might work out
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