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I failed
                       I failed
                                              I failed.
I tried so hard and yet I failed.
I did everything I was supposed to, and yet I failed.

Now, it didn't matter much.
I honestly don't really care.
But it opens a gateway for all the thoughts
that I continuously fail to lock up.
                                                                                                   The thoughts.
                                                                                                   The thoughts.
                                                                                    Those awful thoughts.
Suddenly I'm crashed into by waves of feeling everything
and then when it subdues, nothing.

EVERYTHING
nothing
EVERYTHING
nothing
EVERYTHING
                                                                                                                    I am
nothing.

Those thoughts feed off my self-doubt and disappointment,
like a parasite.
I can't get them out.
I can't get them out.
                                                                                       God, they're so loud.
                                                                                                                 STOP
                                                                                                                 STOP
                                                                                                                 STOP
                                                                                                                 STOP
Shut up.
Just shut up.
                      Just stop thinking
                                       Just shut your mind up
                                                                                                                 STOP
                                                                                                                 STOP
                                                                                                                 STOP
                                                                                                                 STOP

Don't cry,
no don't cry.
If you cry, they'll know,
                                          and then,
                                                                                     "Why are you crying?
                                                                       You have no reason to be sad.
                                                                       or
                                                                          anxious
                                                                       or
                                                                          depressed
                                                                       or
                                                                          possibly even
                                                                                                 ******* insane.
No, no reason.
No reason whatsoever.
                                                                                                        So shut up,
                                                                                                           don't cry,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
                                                                                              Your life is great.
                                                                                   You have great friends,
(Do I?)
                                                                                  You have great parents,
(Do I?)
                                                                                                  You're healthy,
(Am I?)
                                                                                                      You're alive,
(Am I?)
                                                                                                 Nobody died."
(Had I?)
(I'm dead.)
(I'm
dying
dying
dying
Oh god, **** me please
Please I can't do
it on my
own
please
please
please.

It hurts so much,
these waves of everything
and nothing
over and over
and over and over
and over ---
and nothing works.
My brain doesn't work.
Make it stop.
                      Make it stop.
                                                                                                      Make it stop
                                                                                                      Stop
                                                                                                          Stop
                                                                                                             Stop
                                                                                                                Stop
                                                                                                                   Stop.

Please.
"My body hurts, it hurts so much, when you're not here, can't feel you're touch"
- So Much, Cavetown
I want to be a candle
I want to cover myself in wax
Feel it broil my skin
To see my waxy peel crack and break at the pressure
Watch me fall as warmth is radiated on me
And let the scorching heat take me over

I want to be a candle
So they can finally see that I can only last so long
From the tall shining figure
To a Bath and Body Works cavity
So they can watch the ******* fire turn to ashes
I’m not flame-retardant
I am a candle
And my wick has burned out

Let me be a candle
So that I, myself, can put out the lights
And finally, be at peace
Malia Oct 6
I wish that my birthday didn’t
take a whole day because I
have too many things to do.
I do it to myself but there is just
too much and I feel spread so thin
like the frosting on a birthday cake.
I don’t have the time to celebrate and
what am I doing it for?
I’m not the one who brought me into
this world and now, here I am
squandering it.
I don’t know what I’m doing and
I’m wasting my time and I have
bitten off more than I can chew
and everyone expects greatness
from me.
I constantly fall apart so why does
my birthday deserve to take up
a whole day?
An iridescent glow
A whisper from the dead
Longing to be heard
Distant screams
Cold breath grazing my neck
The agonizing shrieks grow louder
Howling winds
Rustling leaves
Something is behind me
Something is following me
Lurking in the night
The noise is deafening
It's overwhelming
Overstimulating
"I can't do this"
And then suddenly
It is calm
Quiet
Peaceful
And all that I am left with
Is crippling paranoia
Alexis K Oct 2023
My heart is beating in my chest.
In my head.
In my fingertips.
My tummy is cramping and the pillow is making noise.

I can't get the pillow to keep quiet,
I can't keep my head from pounding with the thumping of my heart.
The porch light sears it's way through the blinds and blackout curtains.
Snores surround me from my partners.

But I can't get the pillow to keep quiet.
I push my head harder into the bed.
But the throbbing of my heart travels to my toes.
Why is my heart so loud?
Why is the light so bright?
Why won't the pillow keep quiet?
I'm tired.
anonymous Aug 14
they tell me
i am not enough
but i am too much
of everything

i am a paradox
a flame that burns
too brightly
yet leaves shadows
in the dark
Kale Mar 19
I can't keep doing this
Holding on to the fleeting Dream
Of those whom I hold dear.
I can't keep living for them
I can't keep loving them.
I can only enjoy the precious time
We have left
Desperately replaying the good times
The times when things were so joyous
Not filled with unrelenting sorrow.
Kelsey Dec 2023
I feel like I'm grasping at straws that arent there.

Like I'm putting myself in the oven and wondering why its so hot.

Like I'm tuning out the real questions because I think I have it all figured out.

As if the meaning of life is too easy to understand, so I bury it just to find it again.

I am overflowing.

And it's all my fault.
Malia Oct 2023
It’s like a stone
Being added
To the weight
On your back
And then
And then it just breaks.

It’s like when
As a kid
You would wave
Around the bubble wand
And watch it stretch
And strain
And then
And then it just pops.

It’s like running
Until you can’t anymore
Until you’re on
The side of the road
And you can’t breathe
Because knives
Are slicing
Into your lungs.

It’s laying on your bed
Never wanting to get up.

It’s this.
Phia Aug 2023
Let **** go,
You can't see the world
If you're carrying it on your shoulders
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