I'm trying to find a girl. She hides behind tears that no one sees her cry. I think she's trapped under a mountain of insecurities and lies people have told her. If you find her, can you tell her she's loved. Wanted. Can you help her understand she's not a burden if she wants to talk to someone?

Last first days, time ticking
My time at high school falling
I should savor the moment
Live in the present
Before it all turns to dust

But how can I feel okay
When you're weren't here to stay?
You said I'll be fine and that I should be happy

I feel so disconnected
I'm going through the motions
And I don't know where I'm going

All my relationships feel meaningless
Can't compare them to what we had
Everything is changing so fast

Fighting, waves of the past, drowning
Screaming, but no one is listening
The world without you is so, overwhelming

I wish I weren't this complicated
I wish I could just live in the present
But my mind keeps going back to you
Without you nothing makes sense....

Guess I'll just keep feeling disconnected
And going through the motions
And not know where I'm going

Feeling like all my relationships are meaningless
Can't compare them to what we have
And face the fact
That you, and everything is changing too fast

It feels unbounded,
expanded beyond wrinkles,
hammered by swinging pendulums;
hardened, with time slipping by...

I feel bound
by forgotten promises,
lost and unfounded;
with tearful, tired eyes.

In the dark, I find words I can barely see,
feelings I can barely contain;
falling through the cracks,
overwhelmed with disdain...

I see no end to this depthless void...

my hair is falling out more--
i don't quite understand why.
could it be the food I've been eating--
or lack thereof.
am i pulling too ******* my ponytails--
or yanking too tightly while twisting my braids.
can it be the stress of my final days of school--
or all the assignments still marked in red.
possibly the ache in my heart for him--
or the rage simmering in my chest.
maybe it's simply symptoms of ***--
or just my mind pressing buttons at random.
would it be because of my anxiety flowing over--
or the jitters from my morning cup of coffee.
funny if I've been tearing at my scalp in my sleep--
or clawing the demons from my dreams.

I am full of feelings
Everywhere
All the time
Sometimes they are so powerful
They consume me alive
Materialize Madness
Incite my moral decline

Sweet like caramel vanilla, the innocence in those hypnotic eyes
Overwhelmed, smitten, I can't look away, even after a thousand tries
Blushing like red roses, that color of those cheeks so lovely
Like a dry leaf, I'll go wherever the wind of love takes me.

Why don't we have scars
For feeling too deeply?

No broken ribs
No punctured lungs
And yet, not an easy breath...

--

I want to blink out the stars
And let the blackness fall upon me

To forget this crippling despair
And breathe freely again...

I am ready to write pensive, tired prose
I am ready to wilt like a petal, dying rose
My laptop is dying as I watch the horizon
My body is lying as my breath is sighing
A million moments all wrapped up for me
The wine in my glass has drunk me to sleep