I'm glad you found your closure It feels like it opened a cavity in my chest A billowing hole ******* the air From out of my lungs and Away from my brain Away from the sanity I've created Where I thought I felt secure But instead the infrastructure was so weak That the simple memories you mentioned Left a mark on me yet again As my heavy heart weighs me to my bed And I wish so desperately to be alone I feel as though I'm dying I must accept reality as it is I know that all too well That's why I agreed to meet To see you To see me To see us Now We're different than we once were And while I understand how and why My soul mourns the moment And I know I should just live it fully Because so soon it'll pass And once again We'll be strangers on the street One heart armored with reinforced steel The other a sloppy mess of Broken shards and what ifs Rotting until it turns to ash And new flowers bloom from its death
It’s funny I used to read and write Laugh and type But now I can’t I’m falling And as the frustration grows Mountainous procrastination as I try to remember My mind can’t stop writhing
My body moving Head saying yes Sentences halved and mashed and forgot Frantic boredom As I fill filled space The wave of papers Books and words That I’ve neglected Hit me greater than before The yells, tears, bad grades, hurt Take me all at once Under water, out again Some day I’ll drown
I stopped working on this for a while and just finished it. Try to spot the stylistic difference from the times I stopped and started.
I can feel it coming back The hollow cavity, once again Has claimed residence in my chest I can feel it suppressing each breath It weighs me down, I am carrying lead It poisons my blood stream I try to scream Nothing escapes because my lungs are filling I can’t breathe The viscous liquid is killing The world has drowned Or possibly It was me
Like quicksand, the more I struggle The more the sand buries me Inch by inch Gasping for breath the small sediments sting my throat there’s no way out only down only the ground that fills my lungs I can’t breathe No more sound The world has drowned Or maybe It was me
The grains of sand fly through the sky The wind picks up More and more sand flies It whips my hair, it stings my eyes The wind gains strength Calamitous glory The grains meld together They move together They pulsate and writhe Seemingly devoid of time They fall and rise A sea of sand dunes takes the skies I can’t breathe There is no more air The world has drowned Or conceivably It was me
It sounds different from the ocean I can hear the movements of each grain I can hear their commotion The tide pulls my legs The wind rips my hair The waves crash down on my body Thousands of tiny scratches cover me Head to toe My skin is sanded thin as paper The current is swirling The sound of sand rushes Like the indistinct murmur of hushes The wave rises The wave rises If a wave rises it must fall The wave falls I cant breathe I am crumpled, a paper ball The world has drowned Or likely It was me
The thinnest parts of me rip I spill out into the sea of grains Undefinable, my pain Indescribable I can no longer tell where I begin And where the ocean ends I can now see the way the sky bends The water becomes salty from my tears Or maybe the salty water is my tears My fading gaze flickers to the horizon It is just a straight line The world has drowned And certainly It was me but inconceivably Its all just a straight line
I've hit a wall lately A wall so tall it seems impassable. I wake up daily to it encompassing my bed. Making waking up a test of endurance. Once I'm passed that, there's just another wall. Around social interactions, work, moving, and to be honest. It's all just ******* walls. Walls I thought I broke down, that are now 10x as big. Did I mention my fear of heights? I take pills that are supposed to help, and they do, but these halflives are nothing compared to these walls. They're made not of cement but of sentiment and wicked dreams. Thoughts of all the horrible options that could be. Thoughts of a depressed self and a depressed spouse. "You think the kid can tell?" That I'm loosing my grip? That I'm terrified of the monsters under the bed? I'm immobilized by my own mind like a car tire boot on my will to try. Wish someone would tow me off to oblivion. Or at least a place I could relax. I'd modestly ask for just a few moments escape. From all these walls
I am an endless void People poor their overflowing problems into me... I'm full. Please find another parcel to contain them, Overwhelming and suffocating feelings that are not my own, but emotions of others pain. One more word to spill and I surely will collapse.