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shipwrecked Nov 2020
some days are worse than others. the tide pulls me under most times.

no buoy or life jacket to keep me afloat.

it's more like an anchor dragging me down into the depths.

some days I can hardly even breathe. my chest hurts from the moment I wake up to the moment I try to sleep.

but I'm just sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I can never swim in.

i look in the mirror and the smile I see is not the one you gave me so long ago.

its just a ghost of a memory I can never get back.

i'm getting better at tricking the darkness into letting it's grip off of my heart.

i'm getting better at keeping my head above water.

i'm getting better at pretending it's all alright even though I'm constantly breaking inside.

i don't know how much more I can break.

i sure do miss you being here.

you were my life jacket that kept me safe from the most devastating hurricanes.

i don't know what I did to make it all go away.

please come home.
shipwrecked Nov 2020
your hoodie hangs in my closet quietly

it mocks me over and over again reminding me that you're not here

i can barely even touch it, let alone look at it

i want to feel your comforting embrace  wrapped around my frail and broken shell of a body

but you left me here; a shipwreck left to rot

i can't bear to even feel the ghost of your embrace

if I wrap that hoodie around my shipwrecked frame, I will start crying

and by that I mean my tears will create a storm so devastating it ends the world

yet you never come back

if you loved me, why'd you leave me?
shipwrecked Nov 2020
i've been jumping in front of trains lately

asking myself if it's really worth the risk

the way a skydiver looks at the ground miles away and wonders if today is the day it doesn't work out

while you're halfway across the country by now, leaving this all behind

i've been jumping in front of trains lately

wondering what the hell it will take for you to see the pain you left inside me

if I could just find the right thing to prove to you that I'm dying

maybe then you'd come back home
11/12/20 | 2:47pm
shipwrecked Nov 2020
i'm becoming more reckless as the days go on
jumping off buildings and jumping in front of cars
not to die but to almost die
maybe then you'd come back home
maybe then you'd see just how much pain you caused me
but even if you did come home, at this point I'm not sure I would be able to forgive you anymore
11/12/20 | 2:35pm
shipwrecked Nov 2020
the further you go away, the less I can breathe
who has this agonizing grip on my heart?
and where can I speak to them, to ask them to let off?
i haven't felt pain this demanding until now
11/11/20 | 10:45am
shipwrecked Nov 2020
i'm trying to convince myself
that maybe if I cry enough tears to create a whole new ocean
then maybe you'd see how much you broke me when you left
and then maybe you'd come back home
11/11/20 | 12:11am
shipwrecked Nov 2020
today felt like I was a zombie walking through a ghost town
..broken..dreary..numb..
interally and externally
i'm officially not okay anymore
11/10/20 | 8:07pm
LaFayette Aug 2020
A storm like this
We never saw coming
Cold November
Icy winds so numbing

Blinded by white
Hurricane of white sheen
I cannot see
Ship is starting to lean

Erie has roared
Inland sea upheaval
I fear sinking
Nothing for retrieval

But we can’t leave
Our light may save others
Our duty clear
As the vessel shudders

My hurried words
Are probably my last
Goodbye, Nellie
Ship is breaking up fast
S I N Apr 2020
The squall of soaring seagulls up above,
The creaking of an icy frozen grove,
The numbness all over his limbs,
Surrounded by a desert of the nips
As if a wounded whale upon a shore
Mottled with a spots of ****** gore
A sailor lay, amidst the shipwreck caused
By a helmsman un-afortunately drowsed
And skyward gazing, looking at the sun
To inner self this lament he begun:
“My name is Thomas, Lord, I’m very young,  
I’d speak to you aloud, but I can’t feel my tongue,
But, still, I hope that you will hark;
O God be **** the day when to embark
On this here very ****** ship I decided;
I guess I was too much an absent-minded
But I am young, o Lord, and know not world,
Therefore a chance to th’ opportunity like this to hold
To I had no moral right to disregard,
So in a blink I am aboard a ship dubbed « Scarred »;
We travelled fast, we anchored now and then,
I guess once time we even Devil’s Den
Were very lucky to escape ungrazed,
But otherwise was very last this case;
The moon was up, the sky was clear,
The stars a-strewn dissolving every fear
So very much affected by this sight,
The worthy helmsman gave in to the night;
In every other instance (and they were)
Did nothing never happen, but now lo,
The splinter showed itself to lonely night
And did emerge to that most pallid light;
And just like this he pierced into our hull
Like in a wretched man his horns does sheath a bull;
Commotion set us all awake,
Some people overboard in our wake,
I’m to the deck, the moment next
I lose my conscious, fall from the apex;
When I again do can perceive the life
Every other mate did lose his strife;
And only things around me thereof:
The squall of soaring seagulls up above,
The creaking of an icy frozen grove,
The numbness all over my limbs,
Surrounded by a desert of the nips
As if a wounded whale upon a shore
Mottled with a spots of ****** gore”
With these thoughts swerving in his mind
Of the outer world became he blind;
And thus he perished, left there all alone:
Blind and bruised and Frozen to the bone
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