You will never know me again .
I am dead to you,
You will only know your lies
And the lack of love you had
For me and our 7 year relationship.
Run away as you do
And open your leg to fulfill your Needs and heartles heart
While I fill mine with self love.
You don’t deserve me or the love I gave you.
Nobody 5d
Tell me, tell me
you won’t let me in
I see your demons
again and again
But I'm not afraid
You’re still my angel
I don’t want you to change
I’ll shower you with kindness
to make sure you are ok
I accept you
the full you
I don't need you to change
So tell me, tell me
You won’t let me in
I see your demons
forgive your sins
Your flaws are perfect
As well as our exchange
The time was not wasted
My love was not a mistake
Cold tongue, pierces like a knife through

Cold hands, blood on them too

Cold heart, no limits to ones evil acts

But if only you had a cold mind too,
maybe you wouldn't be the master in your twisted game of two
Many would have been saved from you..
To all the victims that have suffered unspeakable lengths of evil/malicious intentions, acts and manipulation from someone else, in more ways than one.
Carl Velasco Feb 16
I surrender to your chest
and press my face against it,
as soft as wool
clipped from a sheep
who couldn’t say
I suffer.

I dread the day
I’ll make you say
I’ll leave you. But that is
what I do. I find
angel boys and postpone
their holiness.

I teach these boys
there’s a space
between blood and bone
to store prayers. That
the whistling pressure that
sequences our next heartbeats
are disappearing acts.

I make them
piggyback on me
as I kneel on all fours in
glass shards and make them say
they like it. They learn to.
They ask if
it could be them kneeling
in pain next time. It is
around this time
when I call it quits.

I said I delayed holiness.
But some of them
Never claim it back.
There’s a river of discarded objects
under the skin of someone
who’ll die for you,
and those they want back.

Between blood and bone,
prayers are stored, yes.
Yet for now, the chest;
rising and falling,
my face against it.
The lung beneath you
a universe-ordered shape
as perfect as a handhold
dovetailed into prison rails.

Beautiful angel boy.
So soft and warm.
Do you hear how loud
it gets
when the moon pulls Earth
and Earth doesn’t say
I suffer.
Nohémie Feb 15
But when all the red flags lose their pigment
When all the shades of red fade and seem to blend
Into familiar scenes, into familiar objects
And remind me of vibrant sunrise and a flowy sundress
Or of the Valentine's day heart-shape chocolate
It's hard to distinguish them
To pick them apart
And to recognize their alarm
Happy Valentine's day!
Nobody Feb 13
It’s the name of the game
Slaves to our secret place
Even if we discreetly meet
Since we hate being apart  
Safe and sound with you baby
All I need is your sweet heart
Our secrets intertwined
We play and tease and test
till the tension simmers up inside
to form an explosion of every emotion
As powerful as the windiest storm
but we only see each others eyes
Lying naked on the floor
and when I said
“No I love you more”
you melt and slam the door
gently kiss my hair
And nibble on my neck
Caress me everywhere
Till I softly moan in your mouth
And it drives you wild
so you quickly go down
Kiss my legs, then my thighs
As my whole body shakes
You suck on my every curve
And I pant louder and louder
Then scream “please don’t stop”
But you want me so bad
Oh and you are rock hard
So you slip right inside
and we make passionate love in the dark
(gulp)

couldn’t resist a minute more.

Relapse

I again…

After six months sober

Here.

in this pain I know all too well.

Four years lost to this drug, my veins ache for.

First breath in the morning and last thought at night all consumed by it,

Every cell in me craves it.

That physical euphoria my body portraits.

Feels like someone has poured pure joy into every single muscle and fiber of my being.

It makes me feel so content

I am literally in love the entire world.

Every single bit of me is singing and buzzing with life and love.

It’s like the ecstasy of orgasms. That first, blissful, pleasurable pulsation of endorphin's and serotonin.

Is what I feel when I first take LOVE.

And then,

And then, the honeymoon stage is over.

Fights erupt,

never-ending debates,

miscommunications,

misperceptions,

no trust,

accusations,

lies,

“I’m done”



Again, it feels like a part of my soul is leaving my body.

Again, sitting here numb.

A toxic love

I’m addicted too,

And there’s no way around it.

It’s already deep intertwined with my veins.

Yet no matter the toxic tragic event that happened before, I sit here, and I want nothing more than to spend my life next to this soul.

To see his eyes unchanged as the skin around it wrinkling and old, is what my heart will always desire, to stare at those eyes for the rest of eternity.

Eyes like black holes, an empty black void but with every lingering stare I feel compelled to get closer.

I’m lost in the vast abyss of his soul, fell hard and there was no way of escaping it.

Dead air…


















So here I’ll wait, until you decided to come into my life again and repeat this déjà vu.
Jane Feb 12
In a time of loneliness I seeked company
In a time of despair I seeked comfort
In a time of pain I seeked relief
In alcohol I found relief.
I found power in control
I lost control
I lost me
You were the same
You lost you
In your world full of men you seeked a woman
In a world without a mother you seeked mothering
In your world of unresolved pain you seeked relief
In alcohol you found relief
You lost control.

We lost control.

We had one thing in common;
Our addictive pain relief.
Realeboga M Feb 12
One day you will hold the greatest love for a toxic relationship.
Although I need to get us out of the mindset that a toxic relationship refers to a love interest.

Most times we resonate in a toxic environment due to family or friendships. And as much as we don’t want to believe that, as much as we don’t want accept such predicaments it’s true.

There exists people that were meant to be there at a specific time to help you realize something. And it happens to be that they weren’t meant to stay, so a cloud of darkness surrounds your relationship as they develop into their true self.

For that you will look for reasons to stay and blind your conscience in order to keep this relationship and it’ll tear you to bits.
Your mind will form assumptions that people change and this is because of outside influence, New squad pressure or the environment is forcing them to.

Frankly I don’t believe that people change, I believe that we develop into who we are meant to be, into our true selves. So I had to remind myself that I cannot come up with anymore excuses, I need to leave this toxicity and save myself.  I also had to remember that if neither of us walks out, we’ll be toxic to one another. I couldn’t bear to hurt myself by constantly holding you back.

If you ever feel bad from walking away from a toxic relationship. Trust me you not only saved yourself but you freed the other person to find their own saving.
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