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I miss you
You saw the whole depth of me, the awful state of my soul. You didn't run away. You didn't even flinch

Yet as much as I miss you, I won't be changing my mind
My misery prevented you from basking in the light
Though the tears scalded my eyes, and my hands trembled with hesitation
I cut the thread linking us together, giving you a lifeline
My traitorous heart beats for you and even though you aren't looking I feel embarrassed to still be shedding tears over a distant memory. Too far from me to grasp but close enough to imagine in details.
Two dimples digging into the sides of your mouth, an emerging mustache barely noticeable.
Brown eyes liquid with anxiety, your voice going soft when you tell me a pretty lie.
"I love you."
you open the wounds I’ve sewn together
I barely realize until I find myself bleeding
drip drip drip
you clean it up and we’re back to like it never happened.
Elena Jun 2
You don't want me
When I am happy
You don't want me
When I am sad
You only call me
When you need
Your sick pleasure
You only call me
When your loneliness
Eats you up inside out
I am no good.
Not the look of light
And ‘beauty’ that I should.
You say this once ,
Now twice in fights.
Saying my body
Is all but nice.
Fine.
I am so good to despise.
Not the look of woman
That you need in sight.
But that’s alright,
Your mind has fled.
To dream of a woman
Of ‘beauty’ in bed.
You wear and compare,
The things I bear.
Sorries of none,
Pretending to care.
Scared to share
What you have of me.
Critical of others
That fail to see.
The parts of me
I tend to hide,
You make them scream
Until they die.
But i'm your truth,
And your my lie.
A friend of fake

Is no friend of mine.
My fault,
And only my own.
That's what you say
In your dim dark tone.
I pick up the phone,
Shaking with rage.
You have my senses
Locked in a cage.
But I stay,
And fray,
For you know best.
Studying my words,
Like an upcoming test.
Taking my heart
To put it in rest.
And that is something,
I deeply detest.
Yet I still
Stay,

For my mind has reset.
anotherdream May 12
Should I call myself a traitor
For not honoring my needs
When I fall for you again
When I'm struggling to breathe

In the pool of old regrets
I'm still asking what it means
As I'm sinking to the floor
As I'm drowning to be free

I lament my current ignorance
For forgetting certain things
Like when I lay down in the dirt
From admitting our defeat

There's no basis for return
If you're always in my dreams
I had finally let you go
Until I ruined everything

I shouldn't play with fire
When my heart is made of weeds
But I was so desperate for attention
And the comfort it can bring

So I'll call myself a traitor
Cause I'm only hurting me
When I'm crawling back to you
And am on my hands and knees
In this poem I lament getting back with the girl who caused me so much heartache. It's as if all my effort into moving on from her and recovering was for nothing, because as soon as I talked to her again, I fell right back to square one. After the fact, I have adjusted and just keep my distance but in that moment, I had much regret of communicating with her after years of pain.
Jess May 10
Feel nothing                                            
                                          Say nothing
Be  nothing


I've tried

                                               Feel something
Say something                                          

Be something

I've won

I
have                
                 become

n o n e
I can't feel things fully anymore. I'm just so tired.
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