couldn’t resist a minute more.
After six months sober
in this pain I know all too well.
Four years lost to this drug, my veins ache for.
First breath in the morning and last thought at night all consumed by it,
Every cell in me craves it.
That physical euphoria my body portraits.
Feels like someone has poured pure joy into every single muscle and fiber of my being.
It makes me feel so content
I am literally in love the entire world.
Every single bit of me is singing and buzzing with life and love.
It’s like the ecstasy of orgasms. That first, blissful, pleasurable pulsation of endorphin's and serotonin.
Is what I feel when I first take LOVE.
And then, the honeymoon stage is over.
Again, it feels like a part of my soul is leaving my body.
Again, sitting here numb.
A toxic love
I’m addicted too,
And there’s no way around it.
It’s already deep intertwined with my veins.
Yet no matter the toxic tragic event that happened before, I sit here, and I want nothing more than to spend my life next to this soul.
To see his eyes unchanged as the skin around it wrinkling and old, is what my heart will always desire, to stare at those eyes for the rest of eternity.
Eyes like black holes, an empty black void but with every lingering stare I feel compelled to get closer.
I’m lost in the vast abyss of his soul, fell hard and there was no way of escaping it.
So here I’ll wait, until you decided to come into my life again and repeat this déjà vu.