i have a bad habit where i talk really bad on myself and i never notice when i do it, but i never realized how toxic i can be to myself
so anyway i was in band this morning and i was talking about how i'm not **** band in college because i **** at playing trombone and there's this kid i talk to sometimes but not on a daily basis and when he heard me saying that about myself he was like "if you ****** at trombone you wouldn't be in the varsity band. you need to stop talking bad on yourself, i've heard you play trombone, i've heard you sing, you don't **** at all, you need to stop saying these things about yourself" and then my band director chimed in and said "you never give yourself enough credit for the things you can do. you've improved so much over the past 4 years but i don't think you realize it" i promise i'm not crying rn (sorry that was long)
You **** on my beliefs, you deny the existence of my gods and yet You question my prayers. Suspect my allies, flirt with my enemies. Holes where there should be butterflies Yet, you pretend to understand. Eavesdrop on my confessions, belittle my priests Yet you listen to your saviour with deaf ears. You read his words with coloured glasses. Surely, you jest, no you chastise. Surround yourself with comfortable lies. Your biggest problem is who am i? But sir/ ma'am/ person, your crown is bleeding with tears, blood and leaves.
You call me a fire but I am not I am a matchstick I have to set myself on flames to take you down And that’s why I wanted to wait, to give you a chance You call me free and raging but I’m not I’m just a firewood that you burn to keep your hands warm You bask in my glorious burnout And see me lose my aims, sanity and myself And all the chances to ever sprout, ever again But still you call me a flame while I’m just a candle You use to get yourself out of the dark A candle, not even touched, but held by the handle