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i wonder why i keep looking for love
in all the places i know i will not find it
maybe it is not one last prayer to be wrong
but rather resignation that i was right all along
if i prove to myself that love does not exist
by forcing myself into loveless places
maybe knowing i never got any of it
will hurt a little less
Jellyfish Mar 7
Shame encircles me
It's a cloudy fog that blurs everything,
Making it harder to see reality
I run inside my mind and hide in a dream.

I am a master at romanticizing!
I might even avoid you to interact with a fantasy,
My mind likes to protect me by airbushing things,
even though what I want is to live authentically

Every moment that I'm not present
Is a lost opportunity to change my mindset.
I'm trying to push past my negative thoughts
and ground myself but I feel so stupid.

I want an identity.
I’ll continue to tell you I’m busy
As it releases me from confrontation
If I never must explain myself
I’ll stay in content sedation
Maybe if I push you away
I’ll get some sense of salvation
Simply need to escape this
Leave it to a simple serration
Gonna post a few tonight, feel like GARBAGE
Jeremy Betts Feb 7
There's a darkness in me
I mean, probably only figuratively
We'll have to wait and see
Seven masks of sin but one entity
All splitting a single fractured personality
Head spins wildly
I've searched quietly
I've asked loudly
I've had to cry and scream internally
Keeping it caged and locked inside has caused me to break down repeatedly
No outcome that I've found is a guarantee
So, I guess it's a guaranteed mystery
Of course it is, fuuck me...
Something that quite possibly will only make sense to me in a different plane of reality
...uh...that doesn't help at all actually
Hopeless is often a stand-in for the elusive positivity
It comes along so rarely one could hardly be blamed for questioning the authenticity
Then there's this two way brutality
It devours not because it's hungry but because it's so god daamn greedy
I'm not suppose to let it out of me
I'm told this as I feel it under my skin ripping up the already dilapidated basic human anatomy
This is a one man operation so it breaks out occasionally
But the goal though, if it were to ever be left up to me, my preferred destiny
The socially dreaded monotony
I embrace it knowing it will never be enough to right such a severe mental instability
Didn't think it was destined to be a doomed mission but maybe it was done vainly
It's not easily put into words but it feels like thievery
It's stolen chunks of life from me and didn't have the decency to even leave me a silver hair sliver of a memory
Turned me into a mockery of Jeremy
Right back to the old me
My own worst enemy
A part I've played so absolute I almost destroyed me
I've explained it to me slowly
Barley made it this far and the next 40,
They're looking to be just as iffy
Half devils reject, half whatever you see
Sprinkle in a little lie here and there as a preserve for longevity
Worry about it later, only if it bites me
100% broken but realistically only maybe half evil so, you know, 333

©2024
A weight
Crashes on my chest.
Your tears
Burn through my skin.

No escape,
No rest.
As you slumber
Soundly in my bed.

A feeling of emptiness
Swarms my mind.
Your thoughts
Knock heavily into mine.

They sit and wait
Until I break the line.
And fix the knot
That just won't tie.
Mrs Timetable Jan 22
Gained a lot
From all the
Processed
Words
Put
In my mouth...
Now
Nothing
Fits
Toxic ways people speak
Vaniexe Kafka Jan 13
i won't leave traces
     that i'm changing into different faces
fooling people of my desires
i'm stranded on a wire
with just one wrong step,
     people will know the depth
     of my longing.

i'd like to think i'm only indulging
and will not forever be craving:
     the taste of your lips
     the way your hands fall into my hips
          as our breathes mingle
          as our tongues entangle
making my body all tingly,
leaving your scent into me.

there will be no traces
of this poisonous fruit my heart chases
     because this is just a phase
     i'll sober up one of these days

but for now,
     let your traces seep deep into my bones
     and let the room be filled with both our moans.
i can't remember why i wrote this, probably after reading a manhwa or sumthing
mjad Jan 12
After all these years
We start again
We know one another like the back of our hands
Slipping in and out of each other's lives
As if they aren't completely intertwined
No one else understands
Saying we're toxic and bad
But conversations are all that's being had
amber Jan 9
That night, the back of your head was such a sight to see. Your worn-but-new sneakers slamming against the pavement was a symphony, the volume decreasing with every step. Your hands running through your hair in angst after being gelled to your forehead by sweat. Lastly, you throw your head over your shoulder for one.
Last.
Look.
You were the devil in disguise under the muted yellow street light. Your expression sent a thousand messages, but mine only expressed one.

I’m free.
Chelsea Quigley Dec 2023
How does one
Love and hate?
A sickly sweet
But bitter taste.

No sanity,
No self-respect.
Just you and I,
Bodies full of sweat.

We are soaking wet,
As you draw me in.
You're adoring,
And attractive.
Yet gruesome,
And grim.

But you win.

Your prize,
Is my mind.
And that is bold and unkind.

But alas,
I chose to try.
But you hid the key
I am too weary to find.
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