I'm covered from head to toe in resin, acrylics and epoxy,
Some pulverized rocks my son gathered from the Chattooga River,
Now reduced to a burnt ember dust.
I added silicone sludge and a little baking powder as well,
And once mixed, this dicey concoction is beautifully toxic,
So I waft the air and inhale it.

Painting a colorful sunset is too easy, I prefer black and white,
So with a wooden board the size of a door,
I get to work with my rubber sledgehammer, blowtorch
A gallon of poison and flammable spray.

The passers by have seen this look in eyes,
From The Shining or possibly their preachers,
You know, the same look that's a sight to behold.

Slamming the hammer down with brute force
And purposed abandonment,
I paint my sunset and wrangle the stars later.
A shower won't do me justice>

you are the night's first sip of whiskey
hot as it burns down my throat,
but i take another swig.

you are the cigarette i’ve got between my lips
cool and calm even as it slowly kills me,
but i take one more drag.

you are the smoke i puff into my lungs
clouding my mind,
but i breathe in deep.

i whisper in your ear,
'you're not good for me'
i feel you smile against my neck,
'princess, when has that ever stopped you?'

with you
i learned change is quiet
even when you were screaming clawing begging for more
it was too soft to notice

you are the missing limb i feel
twitch, twitch, twitch,
by the time i look--nothing.
you were always too much of a phantom.

What I'm imagining isn't considered pretty
You don't want to know where you're sitting
What I'm imagining isn't considered pleasant
We're inappropriately using a pheasant
What I'm imagining doesn't go with God
And is laughed at because it's odd

Into my life they peer
Trying to insert fear
My owl head on a swivel
My rabbit ears perked
When people don't act civil
And decency is shirked

I needed answers
For my cancer
I find them in love and pain
They both seem the same
I begin to view the rain
As a type of gain

Everyone knows love's scorn
Which leaves me torn
I can't help but feel my situation differs
Something about the rejection seems stiffer
So I become a shapeshifter
To avoid the hate gifters
To avoid bearing the shame
Of being called names

I know other people have it worse
Sometimes that feels like a curse
I can't gauge the importance of major events
In my life
I don't know whether to think they're intense
Or just right

Maybe I'm just being dramatic
But these instances aren't sporadic
When those that I love
Push and shove
I start to wonder if I'm broken or stained
Until I realize we're all burnt by love's flames
We all have a path to travel
And they're all made of gravel
Our feet become sore
Which affects our core
We find people below us on the totem pole
To know how it feels to treat someone cold
For when our enthusiasm for love has faded
It's easy to become jaded

There are things we're ashamed of
That morph us into something unrecognizable
In which we should be truly ashamed
In the mirror we look the same
But our actions are toxic
We become radioactive
We see where our stock sits
And become merely reactive
And it's hard to find grace
After being punched in the face
But one must remember punches come in all forms
And we must not punch back to survive the storm

Laying again, here,
with Franky.

2,592,000 seconds later.

It is just Franky and I;
Franky and me.

Latching and biting and suckling at my body
Franky feeds.

Right shoulder to right hip, I have already wilted.
But, I could never tell Franky to stop.

946,708,560 seconds late.
We are just Franky and I
Franky and Me.

You are poison
You're love is Meth
An apple with a kiss of death
Knowing damn well it will kill me quick
Still I bite to get my fix

The first taste upon my lips
So sweet and succulent, heavenly bliss
Slowly your poison creeps through my veins
Till my snow white skin is left blood stained

Sooner or later comes an antidote
A will to be happy that brings me a float
I cast away your rotten core
Telling myself I'll love you no more

Days go by and there you sit
A "brand new" apple with no holes in it
Suddenly all the cravings creep through
And again I take a bite of you

Willingly I poison myself with your kiss
Hoping this time it will be true bliss
Sadly it only ends all the same
With my heart in small pieces and only me to blame

You are poison
Your love is Meth
An apple with a kiss of death
Knowing damn well it will kill me quick
I'll always take a bite to get my fix

May the storm
Drag every inch of hell out of me
Along with the dread of this stupid loneliness
Spin it along with all of the shadows,
of the lovers that went wrong

Let this storm
Cleanse all of the remains
The pile of the endless city
even the fields of flowers and butterflies
That i built for you and wipe it all clean
So i can grow a better one for myself

This storm will end soon
And when it does
you will be as good as dead
And when it does
All that is left of your sanctuary in me
Is rubble and dust

Your eyes are not a riddle
they are unlike origami
the mystery is gone
no fire and passion or embers
just calculation
Your words are not congruent
they hold no meaning
half full and half empty
victim of superiority

the tantrum of your spirit
all a means to an end

you’re a sick, sick person
my little,
                old
love.

with eyes like ferocious , angry
beetles, you
chew into me and cut out
tiny,
        stinging
                       holes.

if only you knew i wasn’t invincible,
if only you knew
                              you were toxic.

the cement is wet when you bash my head
open,
and
the cement is still wet when it
rains.