trapped by selfish, loving games
I give myself away and must sneak
inside to get me back, and I cannot
what I give to others does not reshape
the way my heart did around your hands
or the way my soul did a dance on your lips
I feel trapped by my selfish, loving games
but I matter too, and you would not play

I will always be too much to love
I’ll always love too much
I find my love is not enough
I find myself empty
Seeking validation in other souls
Outside my own,
Messy and alone,
I’ll always be too much to love

Personality is caustic, volatile, and drop dead goofy to a fault
I'll make you gasp
then piss your britches
Back to basics maven,
mayhem is what my DNA strands are made from..
I'm good at keeping you guessing
or in constant edge of your seat distress.
Let me learn you some lessons, take your spirit on a walk
Little by little
I'll undress it.
My personality in one shot
I'm a Cosmic freak
with a dash of silly antics.

I fell in love
not with you
but the way
you validated me
when you grew tired
and could not hold my sorrows
in your shaking hands
I felt nothing
I laid my worth on you
full forced and terribly
I loved you not
for who you were
but who you let me be
and I am sorry

Some days I paint my skin
with the same colors as the sky
The way that it looked that night in July
when we exchanged souls
For the very first time
But my palette is watered down

But I want you to look at me,
The same way you did that sunset sky
Before vulnerability came in chains
Instead of white silken sheets,
Before promises came in broken glass,
And intimacy a day dream
I miss the way you used to look at me

I am scarred with the mentality of never being enough
and sometimes you prove me right

you ask why I'm like this and it's so hard to explain
but I really am not one to keep throwing around the blame

I feel trapped in the basement of an abandoned house
a house that one sets on fire, but feels no need to douse

Why am I so torn apart
I'm a thrashed piece of paper on the floor of a mini-mart

-m.a.

...
humdrum 4d

when i was younger
i expected to be an adult
by now but mostly
i still feel like a
scared kid
14 wanting to be 16
16 wanting to be 18
19 wanting to be
anything else
everything seemed easier
when it was years away
but now i'm caught in
the middle of my mess
wishing i would have
seen it coming

You sang the song
I listened
Did I sing it back to you?
No, I didn’t

I heard you whistle
Black bird
Oh it was a sign
For the end written

You’ve lost your light
You do
Do I guide you back home?
No, I refused

I saw you mumble
Black curse
How you yell to stop
Everything hurts

You’re back at it
The noose
Do I untie it for you?
No, I’m a fool

I know you’re doomed
Black note
Oh you wrote your name
Booked for the last room

n.y

I saw the mark on your neck.
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