Birth,
Kicking and screaming,
Within weeks meningitis overrides the quiet side,
To a nineteen-year-old mother, suddenly, that’s a fight for two lives,
Naivety of youth versus reality of life,
Her fathers disowned her,
Kid’s father’s a stoner,
The baby is screaming,
It’s hard to keep breathing,
It’s mid-winter,
If she gives up now it will mean giving up,
Full stop,
Book closed,
Claustrophobic cold,
You feel so alone,
Dad’s getting ******,
That’s just pathetic,
World getting hectic,
The hospital service,
A miracle happens,
The doctor saves him,
The baby is safe now,
That doctor stands sacred,
Tears are hysteric,
And she raises the child,
Gives it her all,
Gives it her soul,
Destroys her mind,
And he’s so ungrateful,
And they’re so distant,
As he grows older,
That miracle’s tarnished,
Becoming addicted,
Becoming obsessive,
Becoming dishonest,
Becoming reflective,
Writing this poem,
To try being honest,
To try understand this,
Not just alcoholic.
That’s how I’m coping,
At least I’m not coking,
Except when I’m coking,
But every morning I wake up reeling,
Can’t escape the feeling,
Of wasting away,
Just ****** up my uni,
Because I can’t commit for more than five ******* seconds to anything,
It was a television course,
Who even ******* likes television,
**** television,
I never wanted to do it anyway,
I just want a drink,
I just want a drink,
***, what a ******* miracle,
Thanks doc,
I need to find reason,
I need to find purpose,
This is a confession.

I didn't care what it cost.
To be right there in your arms.

Now I know the price I've paid,
Left alone on the bed we've made.  

'Cause you don't love the person right infront of you,
I'll starve myself to be kept in your view.

Complete my tithe,
Replete my sacrifice.

Because this prison is warm
I must suffice.

you are important beyond your thoughts,
you have come so far in such a small amount of time,
your efforts are not ignored.
three hundred and sixty-five days have passed twenty times,
and you are still breathing.
i have loved you for three hundred and sixty-five days times,
the days you have suffered,
the moments you failed,
the hours in which you felt alone;
you were locked in but you wanted someone to pry the door down to let your demons out.
i have not stopped loving you and i may have stopped showing it but
that showed your determination.
you pushed on in your personal dark hours just to make it to the light.
the glow of hope that now radiates onto your skin,
you are living proof that strength lies within.
love brought it out,
but your courage kept it constant.

Across the way lights flicker in the darkness calming my mind
lulling me to sleep like a sweet lullaby
with your poison running through my veins
i can't come down i'm off in the clouds

you pervade into my void
making me a reflection of your own identity
your throbbing dagger is merciless
no-one will ever hurt me more
you won't accept any less

i watch as the shadows begin to
transform and transpire behind you
on this bed made of glass and stone
i realize i'm in an illusion more
merciful than the reality

I gave you everything not knowing what I was getting myself into. I feel unwanted, used, destroyed. I feel...empty. Being unable to continue and progress in my life has been the worst punishment I've ever experienced, but you...you're able to act like nothing has happened and walk around with a smile on your face. I remember smiling...laughing, feeling happy. I ask, what did I do deserve to be treated this way? what did I do to hurt you? what did I do to make you hate me?

You did the one thing you
you said you wouldn’t
and that’s ok
i loved you for your
willingness to stay
until suddenly you
decided that you couldn’t

Our love was bionic
and by bionic i mean generic
it was not intended to last
we served each other’s purpose
but knowing this doesn’t
make it hurts any less
it hurts more….

my whole world was crumbling
and you abandoned me

i would have jumped ship too

I’ll write my concerns

Down it goes,

On the perfect crisp white

In between the lines

Can you read through them

But down it goes either way

Lodged in my throat

The words don’t come out

Like the way I want it to

The pen is dry liquidation

It worsens my condition

I can’t seem to write

Write down these concerns

Stuck and caught

In the moment

The pen hits paper

My words choked up

My vision is blurry

The dry ink got wet

Now I thank the liquid in my eye

-soulwriterj

You have somehow equated your self-worth to being down on your knees or on your back for any man to use...
You were conditioned to feel this way

You are not a man’s personal **** toy to do with as they please
You are worthy of so much more
It’s ok to walk away