Carried you around like an emblem,
Wore you on my sleeve,
the Bastard Child iron-on patch.
Damaged goods and everyone knew it.
Lump in my throat I never could swallow,
I named it Pride and found solace in it.
Named my Traitor Tears
Giving Up and Giving In
and mourned them as they fell.
Learned forgiveness is for the victim,
Almost never for the culprit.
Taught myself how to love
So sometimes it's a little selfish.
Pride jumps out of my throat
The day I admit that I want you.
I never needed to swallow it,
Only to let it go.
I came home the day
I came to you.
Your embrace felt like divine intervention,
and I'm a fucking atheist.
Twenty one years worth of resentment
evaporate into thin air. Never knew
I was capable of this kind of forgiveness.
So bold as to let you see my weakness,
and that I am made entirely of it.
Never felt more whole than I do
In your presence.
We pick up where we left off,
Though we never left off to begin with.
Found a friend and a father on the same day
in the same man, learned to love in a way
the Bastard Child could understand, and now
I need only to forgive myself.

I can feel
my heart breaking
just by thinking
that you are there
somewhere

breathing,
living,
exploring.

While I am here,

wanting,
needing,
missing.

Such childish thoughts
run through my mind,
an infatuation
one I cannot hide.

I am but a young girl
with a dreamer's mind
and you're just but
a young man
with reality on his side.

That is what we both are
but you know,
realities only come true
if you have dreams
to find.

that feeling
the feeling of nothing
the way it takes over her body is like fire
she's staring down at her books
so much work to do
no motivation to do it
she gets yelled at for not working hard enough
for her grades slipping
even though
getting up in the morning is the most effort she puts in all day
the feeling worsens
she doesn't even want to listen to music
the thing that used to be her escape
is now pushed away
she sits in silence
for hours
her friends are messaging her
but there's no motivation to respond
she thinks about all the ways to make it go away
the numbness
it hurts
the yelling is getting harsh
she stays silent
she's looking down at her hands
the yelling doesn't effect her
because she doesn't feel anymore