THIS-IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
That MY Life! is unbearably doomed.
My LIFE has self-cannibalized,
eating me out of house and home.
It is ALWAYS much worse than you expect it to be,
but I WILL always handle it better!
And I do this, and people come and go.
Their importance varies, and so does their commitment,
but the one thing they always commit to,
is leaving my life.
A few cases switched, but that is mainly
still instigated by the other person somehow.
I am so depressed.
I am unutterable sad.
Sad and doomed.
My life is always going to ****.
I really think that's true.
And I make the best of it.
And someone, somewhere
will absorb this thought and know what I'm talking about.
They will understand and I will feel a little less alone.
Like sometimes I've suddenly entered a dark room.
Sometimes that room for me feels like a closet.
Where I hide away in fear that The Problem will hurt me.
I live in closets,
and showers,
and big rooms where I am alone,
or the retreat inside my mind
where I am even more alone.
On the contrary,
I do not live on ditches,
or on the side of the road,
or at the "party house".
I live in the walls that surround me
and the creativity that follows me.
In the truth of my writing,
and the world I've built for ME.
This is not epic writing for God's sake.
I write prose.
Amongst other things.

Erratic squirrels
Irresponsibly consume
Fermenting pumpkins.

Somewhere something menacing is happening

Overtaking the mind cantankerous me, here inside the apartment. No longer making plans, exciting friends, hosting

anything

More than a before noon call to maintenance or planned visit from someone else’s friend- concocted thirteen months ago. What has made them so afraid to ever allow themselves to enjoy, the chance at sour or sweet, umami, or something in between vexes these feet under-beat.

Seemingly never to trammel a midnight sidewalk or sweaty cramped R&B/Soul Dance party.

some third floor walk up

4:00a.m.

stranger’s unfurnished creative space

Friday untied to Monday

Hungover on the bus home
Dropping in and out
of a pleasant nap
A faded smile on my face
Sweet memories of last night

Distraught, with alien invaded heart
I partied with the night in my thoughts.
Dark, distant and silent as perceived, yet
She was candid,  sweetness personified.
Let me taste swigs of wine from her cup
Sung me a lullaby of  ethereal starlights
Dreams plucked  from nights, she gifted
Weeded out nightmares deeply embeded.
On a dream boat chosen,I set sailed alone
To an emerald island at the middle of
the  ocean,
And made up my mind never to sail back.
Adamant I was not to be out of that dream
Beloved,  ******,  night conjured up for me
With the twist of  her psychedelic finger.

dad grills carne asada as he always has since the beginning
his golden retriever gazes out beyond space and time
the sky forgets to turn blue, the Sun takes a breath
all the stars begin to look the same.

every summer a piñata swings from the pepper tree
as dust and ice pirouettes around Saturn and the party
a streetlight flickers on K avenue, a shower of silver
crescent moons igniting California smog.

You chugged down a pint of stout
Reason running in and out
Your friends cheering you on
Until all reason is completely gone
   In a moment of uncertainty
   You poise the possibility
   Of ordering another pint of that hilarity
You get another one and a shot
You feel your head spins and you're hot
You're being cheered on by your friend-squad
Reason's leaving, but you're not
   The evening just began
   And you feel a certain urge to dance
   Then that concludes
   You get the pint again
   And the reason still eludes

Have you ever noticed how
all your friends and family
could come together for
one big party and the
only thing we'd notice
is that the one person
we want to see
is not there.