Eat your shame It doesn’t go away Regurgitate like you’re overweight You need more meat on your body to hate
She promised to **** him off in a parking lot for her drink of choice She was far too young for either one but had nothing left to lose
Swallow your pride It doesn’t go down easy Don’t let him see you cringe in disgust You need more secrets to hate yourself for
Cut your skin This is a bloodshed hymn Like nothing I’ve written in a decade or more I’m doing better but I know you’re not, kid
Uncomfortable in her skin unless it was naked No confidence in a word she said unless they were slurred So she ate her shame every ******* day She swallowed her pride as she ****** him off It all cut her skin wide open
There is a 12-year-old girl, peeking through binoculars across the water, who has discovered quite the peculiar woman - from her choice of spoons chose by weight to the scientific sorting of underwear, ranked by softness and saving the rejects for the end of the week.
Knowing of the intensity of the dark cloud she recently emerged from would have overwhelmed, perhaps crushed, that 12-year-old girl. Maybe it’s why she has a visible bond with the environment.
she's a somewhat skittish woman, seeking solace in the nooks and crannies, such as listening to recordings of the soothing hums of airplanes through her headphones while pacing through the grocery store.
Just as in her youth, she eats every bite slowly, taking hours to finish a bowl. She clings to her solitary adventures and guards the secrets of the woods, much as you once did.
What perspective is this told from, anyways? Lost track..
For all of my life I have been plagued with something that I didn't know the name of and than when I grew up and I came to know what the name was it all felt wrong to me and I wanna speak my truth but I fear for my words for others will label me as hateful when really I wanna share it because I think healing is powerful and its possible I am trying to own my truth and not care what others think or say from the time I was a child I experienced lots of harrassment and violence which i internalized to mean that it was because I was a woman so its like half of me loves feminine things and the other half of me just wants to be a man so often When I look at her she feels afraid because they told her growing up to shut up and be silent to cook clean and be still and that never quenched her spirit so in my life I have always done the hard things I am choosing to sit with myself to learn how to accept myself more for I know that if i were to transition or to slap a label on myself I would just keep on hiding my true self and I would always try to be something that I am not so even though at times it hurts deeply only really because of the mysogonoy that I still see around me and experience at times I will still choose to sit in my life and I am still choosing to heal myself and to have hope that I am getting better little by little I wish more voices like mine can be heard without being labeled as hateful for I don't hate I understand there is a real lack of knowledge out there in the world and people like me who don't fit the perfect mysognistic box of how women are suppose to be should be embraced and held instead of judged this is my truth and I have been longing to make it heard for a very long time.
My Child You're in a boat And I am your oar You'll make it farther in life When you involve me in every aspect If you choose not You'll drift wherever the waters take you Soon to be lost Without even knowing
I try to choose kindness I try to take deep breaths and let my anger wash out
But, my there are wasps in my brain
there is a buzzing hot hot heat settled where my neck and head meet
I swim laps in the pool I walk the road and back I hope that maybe I will make it back kinder
I walk foot trails with my son the leaves casting dappled light on his gold-spun hair I feel my chest break at the sight He is so kind but he is mine will he feel this buzzing
will it lead him to break every day I try to quiet my voice so he doesn't learn to yell
but I never learned quiet. I am teaching myself. I am learning He is patient with me that is not his job
I see the sun on his hair He jumps on my back in the pool he giggles and wails love incarnate
I think I will remember these times most I will feel nostalgia bathed in dappled gold when my bones are brittle and old when I have finally learned to quiet the buzzing
but will it be too late will his giggles cease will his small hands turn into fists will he become me
I am teaching myself. I am learning. I hope he is learning too I hope he is seeing me try, seeing me take deep breaths seeing me scramble for kindness kindness! I thrash against these angry chains and I hope he knows
but I watched my father thrash his whole life It is how I knew to try I still carry his anger in me like like wasps in my brain
I choose kindness I take deep breathes I swim laps and walk trails I hope that kindness will chose me back