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Today was the first time I came close
I almost ended it in a post
Left to right I feel the fright
My pain is aching
What comes next
Inch by inch I take the test
Reeling with guilt and sorrow
I hate myself
Why can’t I be someone else
My body is a Perfect example of what not to be
Limp here limp there
I am disgusting
I hate myself all the time
Not just today
I want to slice my eyes open
As they don’t even work right
I am a walking disaster with nothing going for myself
I am so over it all
I cannot have what I desire I cannot have what I want
Someone is constantly judging me
With the looks of judgement
I feel condemned
Where is the honor in that
No...not even loyalty wins here
Who the **** is loyal these days
I hate myself
Not just today
Always
An older poem from the past I found and wanted to share. Not always okay I was suffering at this time...felt that way.
Her
She's there, slouching slightly, tall and lean, her eyes like lapis
Who can't fall in love with her? I feel like it's impossible
Her short hair dyed like an ocean in the moonlight, her sparkling smile
Her light voice and her face dappled with small freckles

She can't see it, but she's absolutely beautiful
Literally everything about her, she's amazing
She's the best person in the world, she's perfect
I could describe her endlessly

She feels like dying everyday and it physically hurts me
No one that nice or beautiful should feel like that
Why would someone so perfect want to end her own life?
How did she come to hate herself this way?
Emma 7d
I’ve learnt how to hold you back during the day,
To the point where you become invisible
And i forget about your existence.

However, at night you consume me
To the point where I don’t know how I can forget about you at all...
Sarah Nov 1
The world is a cruel and unforgiving ***
I exist to turn back to ashes and dust

They say the universe is in my veins
If so, the universe drips down my wrists

The stars from my eyes have long vanished
If ever they were such a thing

Small and insignificant as I navigate life
Afraid of all I say and do

All of this makes it plain to see
That this world has no purpose for me
Kyra Oct 31
When did "I love you" become a threat

And "You're a *****" a love song?

~k.hem
Uncrowned King Dec 2016
You don't need an entitlement
You are already my favorite

When I'm deep asleep
You are mine to keep

But I always stay awake
Just to see your black array

Your nothingness gives me everything I need
And your silence gives me every reason to live

Everyone else is afraid of you,
Because you're too dark and dull

But that's not true
You're not dark. Just blue.

You're not dull,
You're cool.

There is no room for insecurity
You are already perfect for me

I cling for your attention
I bring good intention

You're nothing but pure perfection
Try to see it in your own reflection

As I whisper your name
The moon dimmed and stars fell

Your name is so heavenly—
They close the gates of ****

You saved me from my suicidal craving,
Life has been hitting me awfully lately

The cut that life made was deeper
But you made me feel stronger

Is it an illusion?
Another perfect distraction

For my adoring death
And self-destruction

Your coldness touched my sole,
And your darkness captured my soul

I let your darkness devour me
It's no different from my misery

But that's okay,
You seem to notice me

It's enough fuel to stop my self-cruelty
Your presence is all I need
rebecca Oct 25
Z
ruffled caramel hair you always mess with
eyes with a hundred beautiful blue hues I can't fully describe
a warm laugh that makes your voice sparkle
perfect lips I long to tough with mine
a heart that cares, that loves, that beams
a spirit that loves the Lord
a sort of gritty, not-too-low-or-too-high voice
limbs that dance with her
with her small size and shape
her long brown, perfectly curled hair
in a short, white dress that shimmers in the starlight
her muscular legs that chase a useless sphere every weekend
not with my thick silhouette
my short mom-ish hair
a dress I got in a size 1... from the plus sized store
my short chubby **** self
my fine art passions with meanings and flame
no
you chose her
she hasn't loved you
I have

for a year you didn't see
"I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us"

mood
Shaun Oct 24
Man
what do you see in me?
i wish i knew
how many times have we talked
and i’ve denied compliments
from fear of lying to you?
the ways i think that i
that i tricked you into thinking of me
in a way that makes me seem
like i’m valid
i think in the night
about how disgusting i am
and how you could easily do so much better
our relationship feels like
a queen guiding a peasant by the hand
trying to show him
things worth going on for
i wish i could say i was worth your time
but i know myself
and the failure i am and will be
for the rest of my life
and how no individual
no matter how outstanding
can ever help me be enough
for someone as great as you
because my broken mess of a spirit
could never find the will or strength
to think i am important
and so i wish for you
never to see me for the creature i am
never to dig deeper
never to look beyond
for i am just a man
and you are a goddess
who deserves so much more than me
and what i can give to you
cuz i have too many problems
and i cannot solve them
the feelings that i have, ****
i wish i never caught them
cuz i’m setting up for loss
and i will pay for the cost
i’ve been left behind in the cold
and i have died within the frost
cuz they always seemed so kind
until they see you lose your mind
so do not dig deeper in me
because i know exactly what you’ll find
you’ll see this anxious mess
who is so tired of being depressed
he couldn’t wrap his head around his life
so he has a broken neck
i know you’re sweet
but trust doesn’t come to me easily
cuz i was open so much before
but what the **** did that get me?
even if i care about you
i can’t find it in myself
to show you how to care about me
so i will lie here
and suffer under the mask
and try to convince you
that i am more
than just a man
written april 2018
Shaun Oct 23
You can do better
You're so absolutely perfect
In so many **** ways
That I don't think I'll ever be able
To stand next to you proudly
And say with a straight face
That I've done everything I can
To earn my place by your side

You can do better
All the sweet things you do
Makes me feel almost as if
I'll never have enough words
To express how much you mean to me
Regardless of how hard I try
Beacause what you need are actions
That right now I'm unable to provide

You can do better
Because when you're breaking down
And you need someone to support you
And all I can do is offer the same words
Because of this ****** ******* distance
Keeping you out of my arms
And the silence screams and tells me I don't deserve you
I just agree

You can do so much better
I can't
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