Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
with a mother
that made
me feel unwanted
from birth
doing her best
to break me
and steal away
my worth
i’ve been working
day and night
my entire life
to undo
the slices
she made
in my heart
with her knife

and fast forward
to age fifteen
i start to feel loved
but by a man
twice my age
with two children of his own
not much younger
than myself
keeping me his
*****
little
secret
until the day
i turned
eighteen
i was so excited
to be with him
finally
without fearing
being seen

but then he didn’t
want me anymore
because the
excitement was gone
i didn’t need
to be hidden
anymore
and that was
all he really
wanted
all
along

after that
i met another man
nearly twice my age
who persistently
tried to woo me
until i eventually
got worn down
and gave in
to his ways

he said he wanted
to show me off
to make me
his girl
but as soon
as i was
he became a monster
and all he did was
break me
more
and more
every day
until i went limp
and just let him have his way
he ***** me
sodomized me
told me
i was ****
that no one
else would
ever love me
that i was
disgusting
spoiled
worthless
and unworthy
of being
anything
more
than his
little
dried
up
worm
he
lived to hurt me
and make
me squirm

years
and tears
haven’t
been enough
to heal me
and i
am trying
every
day
to find
the value
in myself
i just hope
you can really see me
silence
sweet silence
like none other
despite the library door
slamming everytime
someone leaves or arrives

it seems to slam louder
when they leave

i am not perturbed
or distracted, nor am i
expecting not to be

here, alone, surrounded by books,
i just am

lamenting this place not being
as busy
as it should be
who’s fault is that?

celebrating this place not being
as busy
as it should be
guilty as charged

all these faces i see
it’s like a small town here
sometimes abandoned
sometimes inhabited

once again,
i don’t care

how can i?
my head, full of
Aurelius and Bukowski
doesn’t have space to

well, deep down,
i guess i do care
but not as much as
i suppose society begs i
should

how can i?
i’m too busy figuring out
who i truly am
and the books help, Bukowski
was correct, these philosophers are
like brothers to me and i speculate
my deep “connection” to them
to men whom i never met
yet felt more fatherly care from
than my own

maybe that’s the root

sometimes, all this reading begs the question

do i like books
more than people?
or people more
than books?

i think i know the answer,
eureka!

i love books, and individuals alike
i don’t like people
especially when they group up
in congregations and crowds,
strangers in a
can of sardines
with no space to possibly
ever care

only to survive and barely breathe
or to escape such a reality

how could i?
when they don’t
even care for themselves

it’s disheartening, really
to witness such potential
in one soul
and watch it *******
melt away
around his or her friends

around their families’
incessant influence and needs
abusing providers

consumed by their personal troubles and struggles
and vices, infected by the amplification of
a hang out
girls night
boys night
the clubs, the bars
the gossips of nonsense and ****
that simply isn’t their business

sewage

their obvious and yet
radiantly painful,
like a sunburn that isn’t on you
but hurts to look at on someone else,
avoidance of themselves
begging the following:

could these souls spend
an hour, alone, with a book
and paper and pencil?

how could they?

they’d like to, i’m sure,

but hate themselves just enough
to not be able to.

-melancholicreator
i dont know, i was in a mood

enjoy.
Falling Up Aug 2023
A graceful vase
Just flowers with a pretty face
A body made to desire
But bearing fruits too sour to taste
Hot and bright, a burning fire
Sweet words, but a sour liar
Blown glass container filled with hate
And the greed of everyone's desire
Should I stand or should I break?
The center question in her debate

So there the vase stands
Perfect in shape
Up so high above the ground
Waiting for someone to push her
So she can finally fall

And break
Hollie May 2023
I've glanced at you at every chance
Off car reflections and bathroom walls
I've swirled and danced in front of you
Yet I deny the beauty they see
The face that draws onlookers
And gentlemen callers
I've spent hours hating how you look
picking apart or hating it all
You've seen me cry and smile
More than anyone else has
But I give you hell and talk you down
Have you doubt the sincerity of lovers
Find fault in words of admiration
I'm jealous of what they see in you
Something I don't see
I hate and hate on you everyday but
I've stared and caught glances of you
I want to be what they see in you
I'm indifferent to how they see us
Maja May 2023
The ledge was slippery,
Like my mind at the moment.
A time in space
that didn’t seem to matter.
I fell,
but
I didn’t jump
- I was pushed.
I might have made the leap,
but I never made the choice.
I might have made no sound,
but I never had a voice.
I fell,
but the truth is still that
I didn’t jump
- I was pushed.
I silently drowned.

I had been dead for a long time
before I even hit the ground
.
Anna Mink Jan 2023
Write a lament on the fake bathroom tile,
where you waste your father's hard earned money.

As you throw it up in disgrace of your body
and throw your hunger right back in his face,
tell him he's not done enough for his family.

Watch where the truth gets you when you're not allowed to lie.

~ A.M, F.H.
A remark on a stranger I know. Maybe it's a rant, I dunno.

Written & Published 25th of January 2023.
Mimmi Dec 2022
Then out of nowhere and at once, the voice stopped.
No lingering feeling of self hate
The questions
The pondering
It all came to a halt
A thing that’s been with me all these years
Came to an abrupt end
Not bitter
Not sweet
Just end
An ending i’ve been hoping, but not waiting on
I didn’t know that there was such a thing
As an end to it

A blabbering, mumbling sorrow of self pity
Or just a mere convenience of a lexicon with words to degrade myself
A daily reminder of how worthless I was
So I would’ve never forgotten my reason
A reason never explained
Never cared for
With a reach of a sovereign hand I touch the notes
Floundering through the air
Playing a floating piano
“A river flows in you”
Caring for unprotected skin

I was waiting for a different ending
An abrupt ending, not like this one
Fingernails not bitten off bleeding
A curious feeling of relentlessness
Not used to the feeling of not being alone

It all came to a halt
A voice that’s been with me for years
A sadness of emptiness is nowhere to be found
A clue to a healthy mind
Maybe a fear of what could’ve been if not the voice left
A sort of trembling worry of who to now complain when I do wrong
An understatement of falling leaves from my tree

I know my family will be glad
Even though I haven’t ever told them bout the pain I contain
Who to be worthy shall never pass
Through my gates of hell
No one is worthy of that pain
Maybe not even me?

I think this was and end worth waiting for
Inner demons are worth fighting
They don't have the right to win over your life!
So a Good ending, Is worth fighting for.
voodoo Jun 2022
oh, lovely –

another of my ugly insecurities has come undone –

unraveling from my heart, tumbling across the space between us,

ungainly in its amble towards your feet.

if i’m sorry, will that be too little? if i perform an even bigger act of affection

(not always only for compensation)

will that be too much?

was it too much the last time?

as you watch me scramble for words, for explanations,

for comprehension of my own actions,

are you sick of me?

does it make your stomach turn to see my flaws? it sure does make mine.

i can’t tell you 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 without lying

that 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥.

anyway, would you like some tea while we watch this show?

this tragedy of errors on an endless timeline?

anything else to make your experience better?

am i condescending when i ask for concern? is it fun to battle my quiet anger with your quiet neglect?

i’m sorry, maybe i assume too much. actually, i’m sure i do.

it’s so humiliating to find meaning in everything even when i know better.

oh, lovely –

yet another insecurity.
I saw my white tongue in the mirror and a feeling of disgust came over me. I wanted to throw up.
Next page