I feel so lonely, so by myself
Everybody is saying they're concerned for my health.
By noone understands,
pushing food as demands,
Wondering why I'm not dealing
with how I am feeling.                    
I'm here for you, I've got your back'
But you're not me, so you don't know jack.
'You best get better, don't give up on us now'
Some days are so hard, I just don't know how.
But I wouldn't be writing if I wasn't fighting,
This is my song, help me be strong.
I feel so lonely me and my other self
Everybody is saying they're concerned for my health.
People to talk to, share how I'm feeling,
But they don't know how dealing, all alone.
I'm trapped and I'm sad, making people mad,
My other self is glad
Because I'm weak today, yesterday, and the day before that,
When I eat I feel fat
So I starve myself,
Everybodys saying they're concerned for my health.
I feel so alone me and my other me,
Its easy to see, I've got a hold over me.
I stop fighting myself, am I happy for me?
Am I alone? I feel a new bone,
And I'm happy for me.
Waking up in the mornings, at night in bed,
Constantly having myself in my own fucking head.
Tonight i'll skip dinner so I wake up thiner,
But who is the winner?
Me or my other self
Everybody's saying they're concerned for my health.
Today I'm standing up to myself, I feel strong enough,
But my other selves so so tough.
Telling me I'm bad, but I'm doing good,
To loved ones I'm being rude
Cause I'm obssessing about food.
Its hard to concentrate
Be around a mate,
Feelings of fustrate.
I can't do right for doing wrong
And I'm tying to be strong,
Its so hard, cause my other self is mad,
So I get mad, then I get sad,
Is this good or bad?
I can't share my pain, I take myself away,
Until another day.
I feel so lonely, me and my other self, everybody's saying they're concerned for my health.


https://youtu.be/qb9Fa6F7kd4

Please have a watch, listen. May speaking this struggle be my strength.
Izzy 2d

I.    Scared
This is real for me
This is love to me.
And some days I’m scared out of my mind at how genuine this is.
Nothing has ever felt this authentic to me, other than maybe pain.
This is new to me.
You read the stories and love is this all powerful magic and its damn powerful and it scares me. It scares me that this thing, this emotion, may rip my heart of my chest and leave it in a million little pieces.
I’m not scared of you,
I’m not scared of us,
I’m not scared of a fight,
I’m not scared of love,
I’m not scared of forever,
And I’m definitely not scared of heartbreak, my heart has known its scars and I’m not afraid of gathering more.
I’m scared of an ending that’s everything but happy,
I’m scared of the strength of my feelings,
scared I’ll let you down,
scared I’ll hurt you,
scared of anything and everything, all my demons coming out to play and every inch of me is screaming run.
I’m scared that I’ll run,
I’m scared of losing you,
of not being enough.
But as scared as I am, I’m willing to fight for this.
For us.
For our forever
Our happy ever after.

II.    Two
Two souls, more different yet similar than most, met while on their own paths.
They continued together for a while, like many others.
A poet and a soldier, each claiming their own hell, living in their own darkness.
Finding comfort in each other’s arms.

III.    Love
How do you measure a relationship?
By the future?
By the arguments?
I’ve always measured it by how far I could see down the road.
And honestly, with some I could see into 20’s or 30’s, but never the end of our road. Those thoughts were foggy, these are too but more clear, everything is blurred but your face, where with them everything but their face was clear.
With them, I saw lives I didn’t want, lives that were comfortably numb. I saw superficial happy endings.
But with you I see my forever.
I see 5 years down the road, chasing dreams
I see 10 years, building a family
I see 15 years, balancing life
I see 40 years, retiring
I see 50 years, walking down random city streets, hands entertained
I see 60+ years and meeting again someday in another existence  

I see forever with you
I want forever with you.

James 2d

She was chasing him around the bed
swinging a hammer at his poor head.
He tried to figure what he'd done wrong
Trying to share his wandering dong.
I guess that maybe he should have asked
But he figured she say no and kick his ass.
It looks like all his suspicions were right,
I don't think he's going to win this fight.
The first blow just cracked his skull
Now his head's an empty hull.

Some funny old junk...not an autobiography
Kara 2d

Just when you think-
the flames lost its fire..
It sparks,
     ignites,
     and raises higher.
when you think the life-
           and light is gone..
that little fire,
   rages on.

Hundreds of thoughts
starts a fight
and I'm the one on losing side
And I have to face it ,
cannot avoid
They do not play fair
their debate
goes nowhere
It starts somewhere
and do not end
They make loud noises
each one with own voice
gives my head an ache
too much to take
Tires me out ,
brings me to the state
that I succumb to their whims
burn down my own dreams
I can't win against me
my very own frenemy

TanyaAhmed May 20

I am not strong.
If I'm holding it in, don't call me strong.
i am weak, to yell it out.
I am weak, to hear what loneliness shout.
I am not strong.
If I'm fighting my tears,
If I'm keeping it in,
If I'm faking a smile,
If I'm laughing around.
Don't call me strong.
I am scared, for the coming wrong.
I am scared, of this depression to last long.
I am not strong,
If I'm holding it, don't call me strong.

For once i need someone, who gives me my freedom to be weak.
Pamela Rae May 20

I fell hard. I didn't mean to--
I thought I had secure footing
on this slippery slope of life,
but the avalanche started falling
and I couldn't stop the landslide of grief
that flooded in and drenched my soul
with torrents of pain
which I honestly did not know
would weigh me down so heavily
and all this time,
all these weeks and months gone by
and I keep thinking no one, no one
will ever, ever see
that there is all this unending grief and pain
washing in and around and throughout
all of me--
~~
But she saw right through my facade of smiles
and recognized me through my hidden tears
she reached out to touch my heart
and assuaged some of my deepest fears
She reminded me to hold on tight,
to not give up or give in to all the pain
her love, her words, her genuine concern
made me want to fight, to feel really good
and free and find my smile again...
~~
So though I've fallen down (and I didn't mean to at all)--
I know now I can get right back up
even though it was one very nasty
and painful fall
and while I'm standing on my feet again
and dusting off all this painful debris
I'll always remember and hold onto the evening
that my beloved daughter called
just to check in on me.
©Pamela Rae 05.19.2017

Even though I have so much going on in my life that I should feel happy about,
I've been living under a veil of pain...
so much illness around me, watching my brother die a slow
and very painful death from lung cancer,
still grieving and missing him so,
it was just all falling down on me and I couldn't
find my joy.
And then, my daughter sensed my need, my pain
and reached out and helped with her loving, caring heart
I am so incredibly blessed
and I know now I am going to get through
and find my way out of this pain again somehow!
allie May 19

in the inner self absorbed world that is mine
someone comes along.
says something
or does something
and the army comes
and fights till the someone is dead
then the army leaves
and.
and.
and then?
i guess it happens all over again.

Inner Child May 16

A knock on the door, 
are you there?
This endless silence, 
I can not bare.
Mute words fall upon deaf ears,
Unknowing hearts surrounded in fears.

A peek through the window, 
whats inside?
Unrequited glance, 
I can not hide.
Blind eyes see only darkness in light,
Unknowing minds rush through the night.

Am I giving up? 
Is he still near?
Or has he left me behind in here.
Sound breaks through,
light pierces darkness,
glances requited and sound flows from lips. 

I love you.

Next page