Bella 18h

I’m sorry, I thought you were joking--
I forgot you don’t joke
I just
I don’t mean to hurt you
But it’s so easy to do
I understand that though
You passed that trait down to me
And I’ve done my best to hide it
But it doesn’t work
Not completely

I don’t want you to think I’m rude
Were from different generations
Different ways of speech
Words don’t mean the same anymore
Language doesn’t mean the same anymore
My sarcasm isn’t to be taken to heart
It isn’t something meant to be taken the way it is said

I used to cry every time we fought
I can’t let myself do that anymore
I’d never be able to pull myself together
And I hate that
I’m sorry for that
I’m so
So
Sorry

I really do love you
I’m sorry if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it
I really am
But I don’t know how not to fight with you
How not to argue

You’re alone in your room right now
Depressing into your chair
As you do so often
I’m in mine doing the same
I can’t bring myself to talk to you
To walk to you
I wouldn’t know what to say
I wouldn’t be able to look at your teary eyes
I know it would be better than just to sit here,
But still
I can’t do it

I’m really sorry
Please believe that I am

Tonight, I'm so wary.
Of the things that may happen.
Of the things that may not happen.
But then I forgot that I shouldn't be.
For He is by my side, providing His guide.

I'm so scared, so so scared.
Of not being able to fulfill my solemn vow.
But I'm not in control of things.
Of the things that may happen.
Of the things that may not happen.

I should always remember one thing.
He is in control of everything.
Of the things that may happen.
Of the things that may not happen.

So thank you God for clearing things tonight.
For calming me tonight.
For hugging me so tight.
For reminding me to fight & have a wonderful life.

Never doubt.

Killing myself tonight.
I'm sick of putting up a fight.
I live for asphyxiation.
Wish I could just live for light.
Put a bullet through my head.
Thankful that I'm already dead.
Feeling all alone.
No place to call my home.

I can't be perfect.
But that is all you will ever expect.
Your expectations are killing me.
You will be the death of me.

You are the reason.
Pushing me past my limits.
You always wanted me
to become someone else.
You are the reason I seldom differ.
You are the reason I'm on my knees.
So sick of your expectations.
Sick of this shit.

Pain is swimming
through my mind again.
My knife is my only friend.
Everyone around me.
Backwards I will bend.
I just want this misery to end

You tell me everything.
You control my every move.
So if I kill myself am I also killing you?
I hope it really does.
I don't mean a thing at all.
Maybe the day that I die
is when your reign will fall.

You are the reason.
Pushing me past my limits.
You always wanted me
to become someone else.
You are the reason I seldom differ.
You are the reason I'm on my knees.
Sick of your expectations.
Sick of this shit.

But guess what?!
I am my own person!
I'm taking back my life.
Nothing left to sacrifice.
But you!

I am weak, I am old.
Death is the gateway  for the bold,
My body shall just decide to leave one day.
It will happen sooner or later,
But is the fate of all.
I can go peacefully in the day,
Or fight through the night.
But it will get me.

I will walk through the archway
Into the new, land.
Where is it? A boat?
Will it be a castle surrounded by a moat?

Wherever it is I will wait for you,
I will always look for you.
My love...

I hardly knew my great grandfather, but he was a great man...

I am like a salt,
I preserve and do not rot those around me
Within
I bless them with a friendship that which they feel like they win
I go higher above the drop and discard
I stay, I pray, I work hard
For the heart and spirit and feeling within
To fight for a person, so I feel I win

This is my sister's
Sharpie. My use of it will
Likely start a fight.

Kayla 2d

It was the last straw
She could hear it snapping like a twig being stepped on
He’s done this before
Looking into his eyes she barely hears his words anymore
All she hears is the flow of the syllables he uses
It ends all the same
But before It can ends she stands up and walks away
To a new life not ruled by him

A quiet murmur
A gentle breeze
A person weaves through a crowd
With grace and ease

A silent breath
A sinister shuffle
A person follows behind
With intent to start a scuffle

A whispered word
A silent exclamation
A person watches
With awed fascination

A silent fight
A will of iron
A person loses focus
With the wail of a siren

A sudden scramble
A runaway
A person locks the door
With life for another day

A sigh of relief
A pounding heart
A person who has no defense
With resolution to start

A gentle breeze
A quiet whimper
A person dreams
With a voice like a whisper

For those who have voices in their heads that whisper and shout all at once
Samreen 3d

The harder you push,
The harder I fight back.
Calm and peace, in a rush
I guess, is what I lack.

You call it back answering,
I feel it's self-defense.
Your anger is transferring,
Replacing my common sense.

You always love maligning me,
Doesn't it mar your integrity?
I won't back down, as you can see,
I'll always uphold my dignity.

What I fail to realize is that
In this game of losing and winning,
My fight, I feel, is for good but
The Satan in me is grinning.

How much ever hard I try,
Virtuous be the intention of what I do
Resolute I am, refusing to cry
Vexation, the reason I am becoming you.

French Roast
frosted in
a tumbler
that fled
cafe while
a wrapper
stirred a
book but
pan its
inside the
heart tonight
only chilly
wire towed
bones was
potent witchcraft  
found riviera
dialectal assail.

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