My Broken Life

I am a mask, trying to conceal all the pain I'm in.
On the surface I may seem perfectly happy, with a job, home, and family.
However, I can say with certainty that my life is far from perfect.
I compartmentalize my actions based on the needs of the moment. I am removed from it all, coping.
What I carry around inside me, not being okay, is almost too much to bear...but I do it.

The problem is me. It's always been me.
Memories alone can break a person's spirit.
I think if I committed suicide that I wouldn't go to heaven. The one place I believe I would be happy.
If there is a purgatory, I am in it. It's called life.
My broken life.

Randy Mcpeek

Controlled by our feelings,
We often deal with a lot of bleeding,
Cast away and shut out to deal with our healing,
Never truly finding the meaning,
Of our bruise hearts often peeling.

A touch we took, because each breath we wore, whispered yes, inside the searching.  So, we circled all our pride with warmth of reason, so we could keep from hurting.

We both smiled at those clouds of divine truth, spinning backwards as they dispensed.  Since an appetite for silence, fueled the moon and stars in this world, as our defense.

One storm caught a kiss we thought had touched the ground of breathtaking rivers to the sea. Yet, neither of us cried out in fear or yearned to fill the empty space, left for free.

it feels like
you've given your every single bone
to the idea of existing
inside of someone else's head
promising yourself
you would never force yourself again
to love, to hurt and to be hurt
yet it feels
you've given too much already
to stop feeling
like you've ever belonged to yourself

bruised knuckles
forcing their way
through the concrete of your guts
trapped in your own cage of dreaming
to mean something to yourself

Are you ready, keep it steady
I got a secret I want to share
Turn the radio up, turn the radio up
I heard a rumour
That is going around
It seems I've copped a lot of flack
For my last lyrical attack
The word is out
Now there's no going back
Watch the mirror as it cracks, oh

I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
I'm allowed to tell
my side of the story
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry

No more keeping it inside
No more running
Nowhere left to hide
This emotional ocean
Just exploded
And I'm the volcano
Overflowing

I don't need any safety net
Because I'm standing on the edge
I'll take all the hate
I'll take all the blame
I'll take all the shame
I'll even take the pain
Eh this is my form of communication
Was never any good
at the small talk situation
This here is my outlet
This is when I'm in my mindset

I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
I'm allowed to tell
my side of the story
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry

No more keeping it inside
No more running
Nowhere left to hide
This emotional ocean
Just exploded
And I'm the volcano
Overflowing

I'm not taking any prisoners
I said I'll be letting loose
So maybe just don't go
and give me an excuse
To put you in my lyrics too
Maybe I was just a little mad
But I still don't feel bad
I needed to get it out of my system
Before my emotions caved in
Yeah maybe it was a bit too much
Maybe I hit a little bit hard
In the words that I wrote
That's just the road I chose to go

I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
I'm allowed to tell
my side of the story
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry

No more keeping it inside
No more running
Nowhere left to hide
This emotional ocean
Just exploded
And I'm the volcano
Overflowing

©2018 Written By Benji James

and i'm sorry that i love too hard
too much
too all at once

i'm sorry that i can't help but to break down
when i imagine your body
intertwined with someone's else

Resentment,
It really is unfair that I entrench you in despise
But looking in your eyes it's just not cutting through all the lies
The lies I tell myself so I can get by feeling alone
Disconnected
All the fucking time
I'm only reflecting how you make me feel
Difference is mines with itnention while your is innocent still.

The only way I see this isn't through my eyes
But crying everytime I see
Something which you can't make mine

Mine is home
Mine is love
Mine is the effort you got to despite all above.

But the word forget has froze you still
Stuck in care and sweetness
But passion and lust need to be separated my love.