Everytime I try to think of someone else,
Everything just blurs and goes blank for a long time.
I’m beginning to lose my mind because of you.
You're driving my whole world insane.
You bought my heart for a thousand smiles.
You never left me to be forgotten.
I gave you my body, my everything.
And now you stole my mind.
I’m sticking needles inside my skin,
Just to forget you.
The nightmares are pretending to be you,
Pulling me deeper down.
The illusions, hallucinations.
They exist because of you,
Never leaving me alone.
Always drugging me,
Making me eager for your love.
They’re drinking my soul,
Feeding off of my negativity.
Pressuring me to think more,
Making me the petty victim here.
They’re forcing me to drink,
They’re getting me drunk from my habits.
They’re making homemade guilt,
Forcing it down my throat.
Making me delusional,
I can't see through right and wrong.
They want me to believe I did it,
And they know they’re gonna succes.
They’re inflicting damage to my reality,
They’re brainwashing me, sucking everything out.
They change me, they’ve changed me.
They’ve destroyed me.
You’re my only desire for freedom,
You’re my opportunity to get away from it all.
You’re the only one I would remember,
If my life should disappear.
I’m only a doll, a machine for a greedy heart.
I’m ill, im psychotic.
I see things, I hear things.
And I know it, but i still believe every single thing.
I never did see the murderous intent
Of the expression in my eyes.
I avoided mirrors to flee from the sickening thoughts.
But things stand clearer now.
You wanted to walk away,
So I caught you.
And broke open your body,
To devour your life. I wanted you all to myself,
I wanted to treasure you forever.
I exist because of you,
And now I endure responsibilities of my crazy mistake.
Nothing’s false, nothing’s true.
They’ve taken everything there is to take.
They see me and I don’t see them,
They’re running in circles inside my head.
We’re on the highway,
Driving past my changes.
They’re driving me insane,
With the speed of time.
They kicked me out.
It was the only way to achieve my dreams.
I’m now running,
Stumbling and falling.
It’s too fast,
The changes that I do.
They wanted me to realize what i’ve done,
And the things I can’t atone.
I’m a book,
A book you can never read.
I gets longer, shorter.
Everything changes with a single word.
They gave me wings,
And wanted me to carry them.
I carried them over the sea of my past selves.
And wanted me to stop.
They destroyed my wings,
Making us all fall down.
I’m now lost in the sea of regret,
Making me cry tears to fill the sea and drown it all.
My sadness swallowed them all,
Merging them into my worst nightmare.
I’m now running again,
Getting chased by my demons.
I wish I could fly away from it all,
Never stop, never look back.
But everything I want will never happen,
The whole world is against me.
I have too many sins to ever be able to pray.
But I still pray for my life to continue.
And then it happened,
I finally got my wings,
I jumped off the cliff I've been chased up to.
And I flew and flew,
Until I realized I was falling.
I only asked for wings,
Not how to fly.
I landed straight on my head,
I died, together with everything I’ve been running from.
I can never escape my nightmare,
Not even a wish can help me.
Every step I take is only taking me further away.
I can never get close to what I want.
I don’t have the mind to keep walking.
I dont have the emotion to keep breathing.
I’m a boat without a sail.
The ocean without wind.
I’m stuck the same place.
I’m always abandoned.
It’s the thoughts that’s tearing me apart.
Dragging me down till where I can’t get up.
Left for people to tread on me.
I’m left to die with the marks of humankind.
I’ve been here for a long time.
You don’t see me,
But you’re all I see.
You’re the center of my heart.
You always come crashing into me.
Mixing my feelings together.
I won’t know what to feel anymore.
I don’t know how to even live.
I’ve been like this as long as I remember.
You’re always the light I try to find.
But it's only what I feel.
You don’t even know who I am.
Doctor, oh doctor.
Please help her remember.
Get her out of the fog.
Lead her the right way.
The abuses behind my back.
The darkness swallows her.
Doctor, oh doctor.
Would you please do something.
Her memories’ slowly fading.
Give her the antidote.
She’s so toxic.
She was my medicine.
But now she’s expired.
She’s my drug.
She made me an addict.
Once you take a taste,
You can never forget.
i scraped my knees in the
realms of time
i don't know where to hide
under the willow tree
to find and harvest
the new moon
a cracked ceiling blinks
with long lashes
my long lost friend is
still ice cold
it is not yet spring
greet my reflection if
i go too long
a transparent person
it looks a lot like
I’m running out of ideas.
They never come to me.
I have to find them.
But they’re all just the same.
I don’t need help.
Going from place to place.
I always end up in the same spot.
Writing and writing.
Just to throw it away.
I light a cigarette.
Lean back and relax.
Clear my mind of everything.
But everything's the same.
I have a place for all my ideas.
But there’s nothing for me to find.
It’s broken and old.
I’m left with only one thing on my mind,
And that’s filling up the empty jar I still hold on to.